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Horrible Holiday Dishes!!!!
Hello friends, frenemies, and other assorted sundries. As some of you may know, I am a bit of a :grinch: when it comes to holidays. They take up too much time, expand my waistline, cause family fights, cost too much, the list goes on and on!
That being said, I do participate in most of them mostly due to the fact that I can be a spineless pushover who can't say no. So with that in mind I would like to give all of you an opportunity to post your worst holiday food experiences. Does Aunt Millie always make that gloppy green bean casserole no one can stand (yet no one tells her how gross it is so she brings year after year)......what about the upside down jello thing your sister makes that tastes putrid.....does your mother-in-law burn everything so it's beyond recognition but insists on saying "it's just a little crispy"?? How about the horrible brick-hard fruit cakes your girl makes every year and gives them out as "gifts" aka door stops..... Post your horror stories here please, I'm dying to know I'm not the only one about to suffer as we approach Thanksgiving and the other holidays. I do a lot of the cooking now just so I won't be subjected to things I can't stomach, but my sister who is a horrible cook, will bring something (?) to share, at least now she will admit cooking not her strong suit. My mother has dropped (and served us) a turkey that fell on the floor! TRUE! Ahh the holidays. So many good times!!! http://fromthebrit.com/poems-and-rim...redturkey1.jpg |
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My mom's family comes down the weekend prior to Thanksgiving and they have their feast then. Of course, i work weekends so i never get to attend. This is a blessing to me honestly. All those women in the kitchen cooking, kids everywhere, it's hot in her house and it truly makes me smile that i simply "cannot be there" due to work.
Usually what i do is head over there after work and dig in the fridge for anything i see appetizing. There are some very strange things. But, one thing stands out to me. My Aunt Billy makes this dish every single year...it is jello, cottage cheese, fruit, and not sure what else is in it, i just call it Jello Shyt. It has always amused her that i call it that and she is always asking me to try it. Ummm. no. However, last year, i folded, i did try it, finally. I hate to say it...but DANG IT WAS GOOD. I talked to her a few days ago and made sure she is making it again this year. I'm thinking not many try it cause there is always a lot left when i finally end up over there. It looks awful. Good. Saves more for me!!!!! So really i have it pretty good. I work and don't have to deal with the "family" and still get to raid the fridge. |
But, one thing stands out to me. My Aunt Billy makes this dish every single year...it is jello, cottage cheese, fruit, and not sure what else is in it, i just call it Jello Shyt. It has always amused her that i call it that and she is always asking me to try it. Ummm. no.
What is it about Jello that people have to add strange things to it? My mom used to make green Jello with shredded cabbage and carrots in it......NASTY! :seeingstars: |
Oh I have a good story. My dad always cooked the big Sunday and holiday meals. He was a great chef BTW. I was about 8yrs old or so, and was tasked with helping him. As instructed, I opened the can of cranberry sauce and put it on a plate. But there was some thing embedded in the sauce. So my dad pulled it out and it was a 1 inch long top part of a man's thumb . Minus the nail. My dad told me to toss it all in the trash and don't breath a word of it to anyone, because it would upset my grandmother too much.
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I do most of the cooking for my family during the holidays but one of my mean aunts is always on some weird diet and tends to bring things that are made with lots of artificial sweetener or oddly-made dishes inspired to keep everyone skinny.
One year, she brought a pumpkin pie made with pureed cauliflauer mixed with pumpkin sweetened with sweet and low and housed in a pork rind crust. Not. Kidding. |
I honestly thought this thread was going to be about the number of dishes you need to wash after the holidays are over. :|
One year, a family friend of ours joined us for Thanksgiving dinner, and insisted on bring the stuffing, which is my favorite Thanksgiving dish...and she added oysters. To the stuffing. I wanted to die. |
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Yeah, WTF is that about? I have a cousin who does that and swears by it. *shiver* |
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A lot of folks do that here, too! Ugh, keep the oysters outta my dressing! *reminds myself to keep some Stove Top in the cabinet just in case* |
This isn't about an "ick" dish...more like a minor disaster. My mom worked nights for years when I was growing up. We have a big extended family and we would all gather at one or the others' house for a holiday. My parents chose to have Thanksgiving at our house. Because my mom was exhausted come Thanksgiving morning, I usually did the cooking. This one year we were having about 20 people to dinner, so I got up early, put the turkey in the oven (it was HUGE), and spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon getting everything else ready. When the turkey was just about done, my dad decided he needed to "take a look at it". He opened the oven and pulled out the rack...but when he pushed the turkey back in, he pushed the PAN that the turkey was in, not the rack. The rack tipped, spilling grease into the back of the oven, resulting in a huge grease fire. I had to take the turkey next door to my aunt's house (thankfully she lived close), and put it in her oven, wait until our oven cooled off, and then clean out burned on turkey grease.
Fun Fun Fun....gotta love the holidays. |
Nastiness.................
Ok I gotta say................what's up that NASTY green been casserole sheeeit???
(I will admit I have never ventured to even try it) |
I have one of those weird aunts who (despite being told EVERY year that she doesn't need to bring ANYTHING) always brings something....different. I think one year it was pretty much a plate that looked like it had grass on it. (No clue what that was.) Then one year she attempted to make her own tofu and hummus "turkey". (Once again, not quite sure if that's what it was supposed to be.) This is a lady who does not cook AT ALL throughout the year, but always seems to bring these weird things to every holiday get together. I remember a time when we used to all get a little of it and try it, to be nice. After years of folks gagging and throwing up, I think she is now used to the fact that her stuff stays in its container on a small table in a room by itself. Even she won't eat it, despite swearing it's "the best thing I've ever made!" lol
Despite the fact that my family is very southern and wants the very southern traditional holiday meal, I have no problem with the fact that she is attempting to bring us healthier things and expose us to newer things we may not have tried on our own elsewhere. It's the fact that she has no culinary skills whatsoever, and can't bring her own self to eat it either...lol That being said...now we'll see if the same thing happens to me, since I am attempting a new cinnamon glazed pumpkin loaf recipe next week. Mine may be sitting right beside hers in that little room...LOL |
Ok I must admit the worst holiday dish I ever had was made by me. Yup I messed it up big time. LMAO
I was trying to please everyone who was coming for dinner and usually I only make a huge turkey that looks perfect and tastes better than it looks. However this one year people wanted a ham. WTF the pilgrims did not eat ham but okay fine I can handle a ham in this mix too. I was so proud of myself got the perfect looking ham took the wrapper off put the pineapples on it and all that held in place by a tooth pick just like the cook book said. Well the funny thing is nobody told me that a ham is double wrapped. I cooked it and it didn't smell as I thought it should. The timer went off as I was talking on the phone with my mom who could not make the trip to Florida. I pulled it out and tried to cut it. I asked my mom if ham skin is really that think I can't even cut this thing. She then asked if I took the inner wrapper off the ham. OH MY GOSH her and I busted out laughing so hard. I slipped my knife under the edge of the plastic and sure enough I had cooked the ham in plastic. I excused myself and ran to the grocery store and purchased an already cooked ham from the deli and passed it off as my own. I never agreed to cook another ham after that. So yes the worst dish in my memory is the ham that was baked in the wrapper :seeingstars: |
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well one yr my sister called herself trying to impress some dude, so she made some baked Ziti.. she thinks its her best dish *rolls eyes*... well she had us comeover as a dinner party on christmas eve and as we began to eat, I noticed it was real crunchy!! wtf its not supposed to be crunchy?.. I know something is wrong because when she cooks if you dont find her hair or somfin its a good dish lol.. I pull out glass from my mouth its bleeding and all.. and my sister is giving me the stank eye.. like "dont say shit Ri!" kinda thing.. but I was scared to keep eating.. I did SMH.
when it was over I was like WTF April and she said I dropped the dish on the floor when I took it out of the oven.. so not only was I eating glass.. it was dirty glass off the floor and so was the ziti.. its not right I tell ya.. |
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For more years than I can count we had Thanksgiving at one of my Aunt's houses, or at her Daughter-in-laws home. No one else was allowed to have the meal...and for probably 15 years the food was so bad we had to go home and have something to eat because the food was inedible or not enough for 30 plus people.
So we got smart...before my Mom passed away we would just say she was tired out and we had to leave...we would then go home and have our Thanksgiving, or we would go to a restuarant and have a good meal. THIS year the meal is finally going to be at my Sister's house...good food ahead!!! Only...now we eat Vegan with no oil....sigh. I think God is getting me back for all the times I complained about uncooked/overcooked not enough/way too much gross food! |
I have to say I love me some green bean casserole!
My family does incredibly weird things with jello too. There will be at least five different kinds of jello, some with fruit or vegetables suspended in mid air and some with layers of cool whip, cottage cheese, mayonnaise or cake. Green Jello, red Jello, yellow, orange and pink. Its freakish. The family of one of my exes makes this orzo and cool whip stuff. One year we were rolling sushi for the traditional TG meal (druuunk)l, and I was eating a sushi roll and noticed something orange and crunchy...resembling a Cheeto....and it was indeed a Cheeto roll. :| |
What the Hell is it with people putting vegetables in jello? That shit should be outlawed. CLEARLY, it's a fruit only food.
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and even more weird is aspic |
Nothing in Jello for me, thank you very much! And please, cook green beans Southern style- no canned soup in it!!!
Yesterday I roasted the small turkey I got on special- I always prepare a pre-Thanksgiving meal so that I have sandwich stuff and left-over dressing at home. Plus, I individually wrap and freeze white meat and dark in separate containers and make turkey broth for homeade winter soups. Usually, I go to either my niece's place for Thanksgiving but she is dealing with health issues and my guess is that my sister and her son's will just go out to eat. So, no left-overs which is what I like the best. Don't have my plans yet. Not going to be a happy holiday season this year, really. We nevr had any weird stuff for Thanksgiving really when I was a kid- the cranberry sauce and veggies were all traditional and Jello free. Didn't even have marshmellows on yams. We did have anti-pasto then my Grandma's homemade ravioli then the turkey and fixings. A real 5-6 course Italian spread. What a feast!!! And lots of food sent home with everyone. |
Worst Thanksgiving dinner, my ex's mom does not like to cook, but would insist on 'cooking' Holiday dinners.
The menu: Appetizers of celery filled with spray cheese and deviled eggs with miracle whip. Turkey cooked on high heat, so she doesn't have to get up early. It comes out of the oven like jerky. Ham in a crockpot covered in a jar of those bar cherries. Instant mashed potatoes. Gravy from a jar. Canned veggies, bad enough, but she would then nuke them beyond recognition. Dessert of thawed frozen chocolate pie. |
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And grapes. I like grapes in all kinds of red and purple jello. Not lime or lemon or fancy flavors like champagne, though. |
We used to have 7-up Jello every year. It was lime jello, and sorry, it had grated cabbage and carrots in it, AND 7-up. The 7-up made it really good!
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This is my new favorite thread.
However, I did originally think it was a thread about the pile of horrible dishes one ends up washing after the meal is over. This is so much better. |
I actually would like the recipe for the 7 up jello please...seriously...
I made a turkey one year cooked in a brown paper grocery bag. I had read somewhere that you could do this and so I tried it. People were appalled when I pulled it out of the oven and made fun of me until they ate it. It was so moist and tender....now of course, those cooking (but see thru) bags are trendy now! |
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I know it sound yucky,bu really if its made right its pretty good,BUT I really prefer stuffing to be made the old fashion normal way. Once may years ago when I hadnt got my head together I was married to the french guy from the back woods of little river Louisiana..when I say his folks live way out im not kidding( he was in big oil,lots of moola 3 gollege degrees in anything to do with oil)....anyways they had this family friend who was reputated to be one hell of a cook.Well gess what,if u think oysters in dressing is bad...she ,made her dressing with blood sasuage..big yuck...aint no way never gonna be hungry enough in this life or the next to let this pass my lips and call it food. |
Speaking on behalf of MY taste & stomach
Probably the most disappointing Holiday Meal happened when I lived in Denver and was craving some candied yams. I was invited to someone's home because they were going to be "throwin' down" that Thanksgiving. Others who had eaten at their home had raved how good her Thanksgiving meals were. So I was excited to finally be getting some good, old fashioned candied yams. Well, Thanksgiving came. :|
I get to the house. It's time to make our plates. Of course the first thing I had planned on getting was the candied yams. I don't see them. So I ask where they are. And someone points, "right in front of you". It took every ounce of self control not to blurt out, "WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?!" But I did say it on the inside. In front of me was a pan of candied yams that had been violated with marshmallows and I discovered pineapple. WHAT IN THE WORLD?! Remembering my manners, (mom would have been proud) I took a small bit. I tried it. And I nearly hurled! That was just wrong on so many levels. Now lest you tell me it was the pineapple that messed it up let me continue with my food rant. To you I will say NAY! NAY! Candied yams and marshmallows were not meant to be bonded together. I tried this horrific combination by a person I KNEW could burn some pots. And I felt the need to apologize to the candied yams or report to someone that they had been tortured by the marshmallows who were forced to become one with the candied yams. Again, I am speaking on behalf of MY stomach and MY taste buds. YUCK! And I don't want to hear the, "you haven't had mine" line or "you'd enjoy the dish if you had it how I prepared" or some other variation! And I know that in some regions of the world this is how candied yams are prepared and truly enjoyed. But MY taste buds and MY stomach say NO! Such a combo will NOT be going on my plate. People who I consider to be great cooks have talked me into trying it and the answer is still a resounding NO! So if I see it, don't take offense when the candied yams with marshmallows is nowhere near my plate. *remembering to breathe* |
I must admit, my grandmother is notorious for the jello "whathehellisthat" dishes. There's usually a variety of it not only on the holidays but for every Sunday dinner as well. (Which is probably another reason I quit going to Sunday dinner.) Especially cauliflower. She has a thing for cauliflower.
http://sliceofpink.typepad.com/.a/6a...75b4970c-400wi |
Reading all this while eating my dinner...helps the diet for sure!! :blink: LOL
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OMFREAKIN'GAWD!!!!!!!!
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OMG.
We had as Thanksgiving potluck today at work. My girls (there are a total of 5 of us) and I went to the room early so that we could scope out who brought what because there are some people who's food we will not touch. Well, all 5 of us had a very strong reaction when someone who has often raved loudly about her own cooking brought in a curious looking dish. It was a gloppy crust-covered thing that red jellied stuff had boiled up out of and we could see differently colored chunks inside of it. What was it, you ask? It was "sweet and sour deer pot pie". SWEET. AND. SOUR. DEER. POT. PIE. It had grayish chunks of deer meat floating in potatoes, marachino cherries, barbeque sauce, celery, apples, and some other horrid looking shit under a dome of flattened biscuits. The smell of it was like the trash can at the fair when it's 100 degrees outside. Who the FUCK would eat that? |
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Ebon said, "That sounds good." The fucker didn't want to try my friend's spiced pumpkin bread (and which I wound up giving him half of cuz he loved it like I knew he would) but he thinks that's good. With cherries. Deer. Cherries. Two things that should NEVER come together in one dish. : pukeface : |
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