A kiss is just a kiss
 

So, I have an 18 year old son who will ocassionally allow me to kiss him; usually it is a congratulations, happy holidays or goodbye kiss.

Throughout his life, I was always very affectionate with him, as I grew up in a home with very little affection. As an adult, I have become more comfortable giving a hug or kiss to another adult with whom I am not partnered with.

So here is my question. When you kiss another adult, not a partner, but a family member or friend, do you kiss them on the lips or cheek? I kiss my son on the lips, as I did my father when he was alive, and family members and friends. Now, there are people where it is a cheek kiss, but I am very comfortable with kissing on the lips too. Is it odd?

I have had a conversation recently where the other person thought it was odd that I kiss my son on the lips, and I thought it was odd that I wouldn't.

I am curious as to other peoples thoughts and experiences on this.

Inappropriate. I just had this conversation last night. I believe after age, baby, it's no longer acceptable to kiss on the mouth unless it's a lover.

Why do you think kissing on the lips is so intimate? I kissed my father and grandparents on the lips.... I would have never associated that kiss with an intimate kiss with a partner.

I didn't say it was intimate. I said it was inappropriate.

I actually have had this conversation many times with sisters and lovers about their children. I just feel there is nothing "right" about letting a child (or you doing it) kiss your mouth. I haven't known or met anyone so far that disagreed.

okay, so what is inappropriate about it? To say it is only okay to kiss a lover on the lips, to me, insinuates that kissing on the lips is an intimate act; sexually intimate. Maybe I am reading you incorrectly?

We (my siblings and I) kissed our mother and father on the lips......hello, goodbye, goodnight kisses.....even as adults.

I remember seeing my adult nephew (then in his early 30s) kiss his father on the lips (hello greeting kiss).

These are quick pecks; nothing more than that.

There are families where that is the norm, and I don't think there is anything wrong with it. In my opinion, it's only inappropriate if something inappropriate or illegal is going on.

Cultural
 

I kiss my cubs on the lips, cheek, hands or I still do a lil "muah" on their owies. Im affectionate with the cubs since when I was a kid there was no affection.

There are some friends I'd lip smooch with once again it's cultural a kiss on the mouth is not frowned upon or looked upon as anything other than a greeting, affection, salutations.


I know it's not often seen in American culture.

Snow made a good point about what's acceptable in cultural context... My family kisses on the lips (even grown men kiss their grown men friends on the lips) because people with Ukrainian heritage are very sentimental and loving that way.

I disagree. :) I'm not sure where you're from but in a lot of places it's cultural to kiss on the lips and to not do so would be offensive.

I kiss family members on the lips. Aunts, Uncles, Father, Brother. Always have, always will. It's just how we do. I kiss my children on the lips and will continue for as long as they let me. For now, I get big brown eyes looking up at me and a pouty little set of puckered lips if I try a quick forehead kiss. Im hoping this never changes.

She's been gone 18 years but I can close my eyes and still recall my mother's lips. The way she pressed them to my forehead or a gentle peck on my lips. I'm so thankful for this specific memory. It calms me sometimes when nothing else can. Kisses are good, sometimes they last forever.

My immediate family was not at all affectionate growing up...no hugs, no kisses, no "I love you's."

When I had my son, my natural affectionate nature came out...and there were lots of hugs and kisses and cuddles....and yes, kisses on lips, cheeks, foreheads, and owies.

Somewhere around age 12 he stopped offering lips to kiss and started giving me a cheek instead. I respected that....they are his lips after all....and once jokingly kissed the top of his head instead.

He loved that.

Now, even though he's taller than me and has to bend over so I can, he gives me the top of his head to kiss goodnight. He's a big hugger too....so I get everything from the very supportive, loving hugs when my mother passed, to his famous "bone crushing Rooster hugs." I did draw the line at the "knock Mom off her feet" hugs though......I'm getting too old for that!

I don't think it's inappropriate to kiss on the lips....depends on the people and the culture. I don't kiss, except for my partner, but that's just a personal preference.

I have always kissed my father, and grandmother on the lips and so have my siblings. I still do kiss my dad on the lips, and if my grandmother was alive her as well. As an adult, I also kiss my siblings on the lips . Same way a child kisses you on the lips, there is nothing sexual or sensual about it. I kissed my grandmother goodnite every night , until I left home. Nothing about it seems weird to me. Just a gesture of love and respect. I never gave it much thought until now. I also have a few very close friends I kiss too.

Interesting. It's funny, I was never told not to or taught that. It's how I feel personally.

I never kissed my parents on the lips, but they weren't demonstrative physically.

My daughter (13) will do that, always has, and I never thought anything of it. It's certainly not sensual, only affectionate. Some close friends, also, male and female.

My son, ever since he was 10, has flatly refused any kisses at all. I miss being affectionate, but it's his body. He will let me muss his hair.

I agree with Princessbelle, I also think it is what you have grown up with. In my family we didn't do much in affection then I met my dad's side of the family "divorce of course" they are pure italian and wow they hug and kiss and it felt so weid to me. Now I can kiss family and friends without feeling strange about it. I have a teen son who gives me the eye roll every time I do it in front of family so I try to respect that but as long as it feels good in your family and with your friends I don't see anything wrong with a kiss or a hug. :)

We are big kissers in my family. Parents, aunts uncles, cousins, all got kisses - lips or cheeks - and still do. We sit comfortably with our arms around each other as well. My daughter started resisting lip kisses at about age 12, but hugs easily. My sons (all grown) will still give me a quick greeting kiss hello (or on New Year's Eve as that is our family custom.)

No big deal, nothing sexual about it. And I will say, additionally, that kids can differentiate between "good" kisses and bad kisses. My kids are adopted, and at least two of them were sexually molested as toddlers. It has had many effects on their lives in general, but they know who is "safe" and who is not, and they still want those mommy kisses.

I have lots of friends I exchange kisses with, the culture of my church includes kissing (the kiss of peace) and it would feel wierd to not get these kisses I think.

But as others have said, we are the owners of our own bodies and no one should have to endure an unwanted kiss.

Smooches, (but only if you're comfortable with it, LOL)
Keri

I have have friends I kiss on the lips, some on the cheek, some on both cheeks and some I hug.

Cultural differences. As as child, when we would visit the US, I was told it was inappropriate to kiss people like I do, but being inappropriate in small ways made it even more appealing! :)

Kissing is fabulous! Great thread TF! :rrose::rrose:

We kiss lots in my family. I kiss my girls on the mouth, cheek, forehead, where ever! My biological family is the same way as is my partner's family. All lip kissers. I don't kiss my friends on the mouth, but I am a big cheek kisser and hugger. If it's someone I don't know very well I will ask if I can hug them or just let them know in advance that I'm coming in for a squeeze. :kissy:

I don't think its odd at all. I respect whatever differences everyone has. I grew up with this in my family. My mom,grandparents, and aunts all offered kisses on the lips, cheeks and forehead. I do with my teen daughter. Kisses along with hugs and cuddles is just a way to say hello, goodbye, goodnight, and show affection with my family.

Im a VERY affectionate person, and i kiss my kids on the lips, forehead, cheeks, nose and hands. If i sit on the couch to watch television i am usually surrounded within minutes with my little ones laying all over me. I have never felt even the tinest feeling that it was unappropriate at any time. I do however agree, culture does feed into it, I have been raised surrounded by family and kissed and hugs were always abundant! :gimmehug::cheer::heartbeat::love1::awww:

Yes, I think shows of affection are culturally based and we bring customs from our families into our lives.

My family wasn't very affectionate, but when I married, my in-laws were. It was a big step for me to give my mother-in-law and father-in-law pecks on the lips...and even some of the aunts and uncles----all these folks were in their 70s and 80s then. I broadened my cultural experiences.

When I had children, I did give them little pecks on the lips and just about wherever else. As they got older, the kisses became more pecks on the cheek or forehead. Now in their 30s, we've settled into hugs with them and their significant others.

As for my friends, they all know I'm a hugger and a kisser. I've been known to kiss complete strangers on the cheek. Some of my friends will even get friendly pecks on the lips. But more soulful kissing is reserved for those I date.

Again, I think that it's a matter of what your culture requires, how comfortable you are with kissing, and how comfortable those around you are--IMHO

I usually kiss family and close friends on the lips...unless they offer their cheek. It's all good.

A lot of affection in my family growing up, but not everyone is comfortable with my spur of the moment, you just gotta plant one on 'em, kisses. I had a person I was dating nearly fall backwards in his chair when I came around the side and tried to unexpectedly smooch him...never tried THAT again! LOL

a kiss is a kiss ....is a kiss .. ooolalala :)

My family is full of huggers too. :)

Looking back, it seems to me that "we" lost kissing on the mouth after my sister and I were molested by a stepfather. After that happened, my dad seemed uncomfortable with any show of affection. I can't really say that I blame him either, he probably did not want to trigger any memory for us or make us fearful. These days, his body is so fragile that anything more than a light hug may cause him pain.

My kids and I hug; we do the ASL sign for "I love you" when they get out of the car at school; the little ones will kiss me on the cheek and I will return that kiss; my oldest is at that stage where a kiss, even on the cheek, is not going to happen (he is way too cool for that).

As far as extended family, we may or may not hug. My mom & I see each other at least every other day so we really do not hug. But I hug the rest of my family when I see them & when we part ways.

The only person I kiss on the mouth is the one that I am involved with. I think a kiss is intimate-you are sharing your breath, one of the essences of your life.

I have been this way all of my adult life. I am actually a very tactile AND affectionate person. I love a good hug; I welcome a kiss on the cheek or the hand (which I adore); I love a kiss on the forehead from someone I am close to. I do not share kisses on the mouth although I have no problem at all with people who do.

:sparklyheart:

It all comes down to what we as individuals are comfortable with. I, too, kissed my father on the lips (a quick peck) growing up. I think it's sad that some people equate kissing with the mouth as always being sexual or erotic. Just as there are different ways to express affection, there are different types of kisses.

My son is 12 and we still kiss on the lips. I respect everyone's feelings regarding this topic, however those who sexualize an act as innocent as this one, probably have their own hang-ups they need to deal with.

Kissing makes us happy!

I did not grow up in an affectionate family and never hugged or kissed anyone except my grandmother who I would hug. I started hugging my mother towards the end of her life , but after her death I actually put myself through self hug therapy. I just decided I needed more affection in my life and many of my friends were huggers. They knew not to hug me as it made me uncomfortable, but I started asking for a hug and slowly became more and more comfortable with it. Now I hug everyone.

I am very affectionate with my friends now and have many I kiss on the lips, others on the cheek. I think a lot of it has to do with what we grew up with and how comfortable we are. I just made the decision that I wanted to be more affectionate.

Unfortunately my kids did not grow up with me being overly affectionate and now I try to make up for it (without going overboard). One is very receptive and the other is a bit more standoffish. So one I lip kiss and the other I cheek or forehead kiss, but I always hug them.

I don't think either is wrong (lips or cheeks for our kids), but as long as both people are comfortable it is fine.

I do air kisses, mwah mwah!

I actually hate anyone but my partner (or whoever I happen to be sexually involved with) trying to give me lip kisses and it actively creeps me out if I watch other people do it to their children or friends. I really don't like it.

Hmmm ...this thread brings back fond memories indeed. My father’s family wasn’t very affectionate; hugs were and still are ridged. Kisses are brief on the cheek, and I love yous exchanged only as adults, and only after death came knocking and the realization that one doesn’t want to miss saying what is in the heart.

My mother’s side of the family was the extreme opposite. Always touching, sitting on laps, hugging and kissing whenever and whatever was offered (lips, cheek, head, hand, etc). My brothers and I are the same as my mother…very touchy. We lean on each other when sitting near…touch each other just to be touching. My Grammy still counts kisses and hugs…if you don’t give her one (no matter who you are) she’ll count and make you give her two of each on the way out (my mother does the same thing).

I don’t think anything of kissing who ever on the lips, because it’s not intimate to me. To me there is a much different exchange between partners that creates the intimacy. My mother still sits on my lap…kisses my lips…holds my face…and looks into my eyes as only a momma could.

I respect those who live differently and the boundaries they hold...but for me, I adore it and wouldn’t change a thing.

I love this so much! I hope my girls always let me kiss and snuggle them. My oldest will be 14 tomorrow and she still gets as close to me as possible and loves to snuggle. And they BOTH will jump in bed with me given the chance.

In fact, my youngest asked my partner if she would like to sleep on the couch one Friday so they could sleep in bed with me instead. ;)

This is just beautiful.

I'd carry tic tacs though. :)

Kiss on the cheek. Sometimes just a hug.

Interesting thread. My family is very affectionate, too. We use terms of endearment. We hug. We say the L word (love, I mean!). We kiss the cheek each time we see our sibs, cousins, family friends, etc....but it's always on the cheek.

I automatically offer a cheek or give a kiss on the cheek.

Although if a family member offer their lips, I do without a second thought.

<----- wanton family & friend lip-kisser

My mother's side of the family (that I grew up with) were/are very affectionate - free and easy with the kisses on the lips, cheeks, foreheads, hands, eskimo kisses, hugs, arms draped over shoulders, hand holding and lots of other small gestures of affection.

But despite that there is a wide range of preference when it comes to demonstrating affection. My sister and I greet with lip kisses, I hug her husband, my brother and I greet/part with a brief hug and a quiet "love you"; my mother and I cheek kiss/hug combo, her husband and I don't kiss or hug because it makes him uncomfortable. I'm okay with each variation because each is genuine and natural to that relationship.

The children in my life are all very affectionate and get hugs and kisses from me (without reservation).

I don't kiss all of my friends on the lips, but I do with many of those who are closest to me. The way in which I greet or demonstrate affection to a friend or family member is specific to the individual. I have many friends who are very affectionate, and I have friends who prefer no physical touch at all. And plenty who fall in between.

Just like types of love (and loving relationships) are different, types of kisses are different.