Permission to propose
 

Did anyone seek permission from their perspective father-in-law to propose? I was at a Super Bowl party at Mandy's house when I pulled her dad aside and asked if it would be OK to propose. He smiled,"Of course Steph!" He hugged me, telling me,"Welcome to the family."

Steph,

You may want to consider deleting the last name of Amanda's family.

Good point!

Thoughts
 

I'm not quite sure if I'll ask weatherboi's parents for permission to collar him. If I do I expect a long line of questioning regarding his security, well being, health so on. Mr weatherboi's Dad and I will probably go for some drinks and discuss these matters away from Mrs weatherboi's mom and him. We're old school like that:).

Curious?
 

So Steph, is Amanda going to request your hand in marriage to your parental units?

I would not ask any formal permission from parents and family because I feel it is the person I am proposing to that has that right to make the decision whether she wants to marry me or not.

If I were to ask parents as a gesture of good will, then I would ask both parents if possible, not just the father. In my situation unfortunately that is not possible, so it would be just her Mother and possibly her two sons. But to be honest I think I would just propose without checking with family because I feel it is our decision. :)

No lover would ever think to ask anyone's "permission" (not even a word I would use) but mine when it comes to sharing a life together.

Usually at this point we get permission to do shots and my mom or pa-paw as i like to call her will head to the bar and i am following.

One of the things I really like about being queer is that it gives me more freedom to move outside of the centuries-old gender patterns, and think about what they represent. I can pick and choose what works for me, and assemble the best fit.

Asking my girlfriend's parents for permission to make a lifelong commitment to her (or her asking my parents for that same permission) is one of those gender-ownership rituals I'm happy to throw out the window.

More stuff
 

Since I'm the head of household cultural etiquette would require I ask his parents, cultural rituals for "me" are important and since in my family circle everyone knows I'm in command they aren't shocked nor is there a boy/girl assignment when these situations arise.

Since I asked chefhmboyrd to marry me, I would love to have the opportunity to ask his dad if I can marry him... but we lost the chef's dad two years ago. :(

I asked my dad and Desd'd dad before I proposed..

What would you have done if the answer had been no?

I think that's what I'm having trouble wrapping my head around...

More thoughts
 

If Mr weatherboi's Dad says no, I'm going to have to be honest and tell him to damn bad he's been branded, NO TAKE BACKS!

It's not really about his parents for me, it's courtesy and a ritual.

While I understand it is an old ritual, I do like that hy asked both father's. My family adores hym and we are all close as is, but I think it just made it go smoother, if that makes sense? No surprises, no omgwtfnooooo responses.. Of course, it dampened the moment when I went to tell my family and they all said "Yep we know!" :|

I asked hym what hy would of said had either one of our father's said no, and hy said hy would not have asked me then, hy would of proved hy was worthy of marrying me. I thought that was pretty sweet :blush: (Of course, I would of said yes regardless!)

All in all I suppose I see it as a way of making sure everyone is on the same page and accepting, at least in our case. That, and I did not have to tell my extended family - my mom did that :phonegab:

Mrs. Coppah
:police:

Bard said had hy dad said no, hy would of done it anyways, hy just wanted his blessing.

If my dad said no, hy would talk to him to find out why.

I have to say for me asking Desd' dad was more of a respect thing asking his and her mothers blessing on our union I love and respect her father so very much had he said no I would have asked why and we would have talked long and hard about what would be bothering him BUT I would have asked Desd and married her NO MATTER WHAT anyone said:police:

My dad well I asked him if I could marry Desd cause he had asked me long ago not to get involved with anyone till Goose was adopted so that the EX could not use her against me

I am 150% behind you on this.

i don't want to do anything that looks heterosexual when it comes to a relationship. some things are obviously a must. but asking a father, or mother, ... to marry? i don't think so. i just don't want the marriage thing, ... set up for man and woman, ... husband and wife. they don't want me to have it, ... why the hell should i want it! keep it. if "we" decide to "marry", i don't want heterosexual people there lol.

Everyone has the right to choose which traditions they will follow and what fits in with their extended family dynamics.

This particular tradition of asking the father (only) for permission isn't something that feels good to me. For me it harkens to a time when women didn't get to make their own choices about who they could marry, and women had to defer to men being head of household and making all the important decisions without the wife/mother having input.

So for me, no, I wouldn't follow this even if I could.

Still curious
 

Steph!!!!! I see you!!!


What say you?

I sought her Dad's permission. :confused: (I mentioned this in the OP)

No. See my previous post.

What if her dad had said no?

Good question Okie! We probably would've married without their economic support.

Voice of reason.

Exactly.

Do you mean "will marry" without their economic support? I thought the marriage was in the future. Just trying to keep the narrative straight, no pun intended.

This is an interesting answer to Okie's question asking if you would have married without your partner's dad's approval.

I so feel the same way. I think the presence of family at life's major turning points and rituals is a good thing, but I never awaited their approval or permission to make my life choices.

Economic support, ah OK so this is very traditional. The parents of the bride are paying for the wedding. Are you paying for the honeymoon?

I think that IF I was ever going to marry again...
I would not ask Stoney's mom and hy probably wouldn't ask my mom.

marriage is not going to happen... 'cause the whole marriage thing I've tried several ways. And I've managed to stick to 1 contract in my life. That was the donor contract. So I'm thinking I'll end up with a contract like that or something just ours.

However,
I do however think it would be humorous to listen to the moms talk to each other about us formalizing a commitment. Because sometimes when hy and I talk about our mothers they are very alike. And if I had my sense of humor and a suit of armor on it could be really funny.

I thought there were going to be two brides, no? I seem to remember Steph said something in another thread about calling each other wife after they're married...Steph, is that correct?

Words

Scout-You're right, the wedding hasn't happened. What I meant was: the wedding would happen, even without the economic support of my future in-laws.

Words-You are absolutely right! I will be her wife, and she will be mine.

Thanks Steph...just didn't want to fall into the trap of assuming that because you wear men's underwear etc, you consider yourself the groom/husband:)

Words