New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion
 

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

Hmmm
 

I think it varies and it's a personal choice. Some people are going to want to buy new sex toys together, other folks are safe and use protection so therefore because that is their cock they aren't just gonna go buy a new one just because they want to have sex with different folks. Hence the protection. It's a personal choice and something that either couples, one night stands, dates, fucking partners are going to want to have that talk before getting down to business...

I have mixed feelings on the issue. While I *want* all new toys when with a new partner, I also get that some folks view their parts as parts and not "toys." Its hard, for sure.

You can find lots of replies on this topic in this thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...t=3747&page=74

Yes, thanks for the Butch C*ck link....
 

I don't think there is one standard approach or sense of sexual "etiquette" around this specifically. As the Lady Snow points out, the decision is highly individual to the pairing(s) and warrants clear communication.

I think some things to consider are cost--a quality cock usually costs >$100-
(I'm thinking something along the Vixskin or RealDoe line...) I think most Butches have more than one (and you Femmes like this too I might add...) and in addition, may also pack with a pack-n-play cock as well. And the harness too--that's another potentially pricey piece of Lifestyle Equipment...added up, this is about $400-

But also, how any given Butch identifies (or doesn't) with their own cock should be considered too. Butch cock is highly personal. I can appreciate that a new lover may not want to use a cock I've used previously with another, in which case more conversation needs to take place.

In short, I don't think there is one right answer regarding new/not new Butch cock in the same way I think we would ALL agree that covering our mouths while sneezing is a good thing.

It would depend on the situation and person I think, for me. I have some that are just for ME. There are some that I would use with multiple sex partners or parterns in general if they were mine because I know they were cleaned well and there are those that are meant to only be used with one person and if that ends that's that.

There are some that I am sure I would want to replace, or a few new ones to add with others.

I don't have all that many myself and I haven't used them all that often in comparison with some other people I know.

If somebody wants to use a toy with me that they used with somebody else, I wouldn't mind realy.

I have also been with people all across the spectrum and sometimes those "toys" are more than that to people, they aren't toys. Of course when it comes to gender variance and trans folk this subject can become a different topic all together. Not everybody has the same opinion.

The most important thing to remember is safety and precaution whether it's a one night stand or a standing relationship.

I purchase all new with any new relationship. I personally don't do one night stands so it's not a matter of quantity. It's quality to me and with that I am referring to, she deserves new and solely meant for her. It's a respect thing for me.

This is only about how I feel on this topic, not as butch as a whole.

~ hy has class ~ of course they were new ~

I'm torn too. I have a WHOLE bag of items in my closet. Thing is, they were only ever used on me, but because my ex was the one who buckled down (so to speak) should I get rid of them? Its not like they had alot of wear and tear. They're practically brand spanking new.


However, I can see how some items may have memories associated with them, and could lead to jealousy/territorial issues. If I was just some girl, I dont think i'd mind if it was used on other people. But if i'm a "special" someone in their life, then I surely wouldn't want the same stuff that they used with their ex gf/ex wife of many years, inside me.

i would have no problem using their toys on them...but the toys i have are not cheap and i would never throw them away..simply because i have used them on another woman. I am obsessive about cleaning them..and using them safely. If a woman were to ask me to toss my toys simply because i had used them on another woman...id ask her to consider the bed shes laying in, that i have slept with other women in that very same bed. So does that mean she wouldnt sleep in my bed? What about my tongue?? If anything is more intimate than my sex toys, it would be my tongue. I can guarantee you...im NEVER getting rid of that thing. Stop having an ego in sex and realize we've all had other partners. :blink:

Broad strokes don't fit all foks
 

People who choose to NOT buy sex toys for EACH liaison aren't classless. It has zero to do with class, Femmes aren't expected to get new vaginas each time we fuck.

Hy always bought everything new, so I was never faced with thinking about this, but I can understand how 'born again' in the dishwasher might redeem a cock from any memory of past encounters of the flesh....I mean seriously Hy washed Hys hands and they were good as new..... :cheesy:

Not everyone is as awesome as you at cleaning tho darlin :( Gross, but i've found some .... icky... people out there. However for me, when something has been in commission for a while things tend to break down and can cause issues with my insides. So if one were with a girlfriend or wife for a long time (talking years upon years) and had a healthy sex life, that item may not necessarily be in as great a shape. I've found that my body tends to reject certain items. It's not that i'm like "you nasty ass. I dont want you f*cking me and thinking about her". It's more like "hmmmm.... i'd really like to enjoy whats about to happen, but I know in mid fun, I will end up in pain". But if condoms were used, then I'm good.


btw.- if you clone your tongue, I'll take 2. Thanks

its all about common sense......you have something unsafe or broken...dont use it. Ive never slept with an unclean person...gak at the thought....i dont think it would ever get to first base let alone home plate if they were dirty...gak gak gak.....

I think its a personal choice
I mean what about prosthetic's which are far from toys and custom made at least $1500 minimum that are part of the persons identity, it's not a black and white question.
I often get new cocks, not always because of it being new or used but because I don't want to be reminded of the EX, I also got new sheets. But that was a personal choice.
If I were still playing the field as I did in my younger years no way I used what was there
I have had the same leather harness for upwards of 22 or so years and have modified it as I grew LOL My leather goods are custom made are will not be exchanged. So who knows...
For me certain things I don't care to share despite using protection every time.
I really think it cannot be answered as either you do or you don't no more than the spectrum of gender variances that the question may relate to.

Exactly! :4femme:

New toys
 

New toys please and thank you! I understand about the harness and anything that stays outside of the body but I feel that anything that enters the body or private areas of the body should totally be new. New toys ,new memories, new pleasures ! Out with the old ! Really for sanitary reasons bacteria and virus can live on surfaces and the materials are sometimes porous so no matter how clean it looks it could still harbor some yuck in and on it ! Sooooo be for me !

I am sure you are, dix, but I don't think everyone is....

And I would contemplate another bed as well...if it's serious :shocking:

One thing I have had a problem with is size.
Every women is different. Yes I know it expands...but can we keep it real?
Some cocks just are not going to fit comfortably. So yes, a bio man may have a naturally enormous cock but we get a choice. That is a plus to me.

Sex
 

I buy a new friend for my new friend.

Need clarification
 

Can someone clarify what makes someone "icky", "gross", "dirty"?


Do all people in here use dental dams with new sexual partners? What about gloves? Since we're discussing sex let's not just stop at cocks!

Sex
 

Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

From a public health standpoint it is significantly more important to get tested for STD's than to buy a new cock every time you go for a ride with someone new. I care a lot more about someone knowing their status (and mine) than knowing their cock (or mine) is fresh from the shoppe.

Luckily with some education, common sense and a firm grasp on what's cleanable and what's not you can get warm and fuzzy without worrying about hitch hiking pathogens.

I'd go broke replacing toys at the rate of new for every screw and everyone who knows me knows I may lack a filter at times but never class.

Fuck safely and often.

Thank you, Lady Snow. Unsafe sex is a hard limit for me, and I hate waste! Why would a person throw away a perfectly good toy, especially if they've been practicing safe sex? We're all playing safely, aren't we? (she asks in that pointed way.)

Even if you're not practicing safer sex, (sigh), any good silicone toy can and should be boiled between partners, and it will be as fresh as new.

Thoughts
 

Sometimes though, you meet someone and you are sexually attracted and you end up having sex with them, there isn't going to be time to *get to know details* it's just about two people having consentual adult sex.



Should either party go and get new toys just because they started dating someone a week later seriously?

Why are Femme's not expected to get new vaginas?


The problem with the question when it comes to queer cock is:

For some butches.guys.bois.boys.ze's.trans, and femme folk is the cock they have is part of them. Something that is part of who they are and their identity and if someone is safe they should not have to throw away all their toys just because they dated someone new. If it's something that it is talked about and agreed upon and costs are even shared since they are now a couple I understand.

But to have the expectation that someone get a new cock or cocks just because they used them before and have done so safely is to much. Toys are expensive, cocks ain't cheap.


What about those who are kinky?

Does everyone here who is kinky replace each toy they have played with past liasons?


I would think that would get highly expensive..


Let's talk lube. Is your lube replaced with each parnter? Do you use different lube for anal and vaginal sex?

This is a personal call for people, and a discussion between someone and his/her partner. I can understand both opinions/sides.

Some might need to buy new toys because of size/comfort issues.

Some may need to buy new toys because of wear/tear/age.

Some feel better buying new toys in honor of the new relationship, or don't want to keep the old toys because of a bad breakup.

Some insist on replacing toys, especially ones for anal, for safety concerns.

Some won't buy new toys because his/hys cock is personal to him, or his/hys harness was custom-made to fit.

Some won't because of finances.

Some don't feel the need to because they don't see the toys as belonging to an ex they are no longer with, no more than they would get different underwear, sheets or bedding after breaking up with someone.

Some don't feel the need to because they've used condoms and protection and have kept their equipment clean and sterilized.

Some look and think no big deal- his/hys lips kissed someone else, hands, tongue... you get the picture.

To each their own. The final resolution rests among those in a relationship having a discussion about what they both want and can work with.

Can't answer question #1, but to question #2, I do see the hypocrisy in this, I do. I mean, on one hand, I want a new cock with each partner (and harness and vibrators, and...). But, I don't get a new vagina, much to my distress :tease: I dont' see this as the same, though (funny how being a femme works sometimes!). And it does cross my mind that my vagina and my butch's parts have been with other partners, not just those parts that can be taken off. But, if I could, I really, really would get a new vagina each time and breasts while we're at it, and maybe even...

Seriously, I know it's not necessarily fair or logical, but I can't help it!

And I do get a full STD panel with each partner as well as have a *grace*period before sex begins (looks for kitten.with.a.twist to help me out here)

Ok I have to ask...What specifically are you referring to? "Things" as an STD aren't anything I've studied or counseled anyone on risk reduction against.

As for getting to know someone being any kind of protection - ask any PHW (Public Health Worker) and we'll tell you that "knowing someone" isn't a kind of protection and using "protection" isn't a guarantee.

I spend a lot of time talking about safe sex, stigma, myths and risk reduction. Community discussions are wonderful and have a wonderful ability to reach not just the people participating, but those they in turn talk to. Keep it up.

Curious
 

Since you have the expectation and the want for your sexual partners to have new equipment when involved with you.


Do you pay for half the cost?


Since this is a Femme thread I would be interested in unpacking the hypocrisy and double standard that butches.boys.bois.guys.femmeswhopack must have new yet Femme's come in with what they have (vagina) and there is no expectation they be virginal and new..


As I said cocks and sex toys aren't cheap.

I do pay for my half; I would never expect any differently.

As someone mentioned earlier, it's a personal size/girth preference also. I could not physically *take* many available sizes out there, so that's another thing to consider with a new partner.

I know it's not necessarily fair.....

Do what makes you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it :)

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

Paying for half? I buy my own AND the most kick ass one I have ever had only cost me $22.00.... The worst one was over $100. Go figure.

Love this post! :flowers:

I don't buy new toys so why should I expect my lover to do the same?
I also feel the "Safe, Sane, Consensual" encompasses having the health/hygiene discussion as only the two of you know how fluid bonded you intend to become.

Otherwise use what you got, often, creatively and well.

Katniss~~(toys aren't cheap but I can be f@cking expensive as well.)

If I could replace my secret garden :rose:, my boobs, and make myself 5 foot 6, I would do that!
I don't have random sex, so never have to worry about the expense or replacing items each and every time with someone new.
To each their, makes for an interesting discussion to say the least.
To each their own.