Where do I meet potential dates??
 

Hello all!

I'm having a little trouble meeting people here in Spokane, WA. The LGBT community here doesn't seem very big whatsoever. =\ I'm kind of new to the lesbian dating scene though, having only come out this summer. I look like a girly straight girl so that may be one of my problems lol.

I was hoping for a little advice on where to go to meet people. Or does anyone know any good lesbian dating apps/sites I could try? Or is anyone also from Spokane or nearby? Let's get a drink! :) lol I just feel like since coming out my love life is at an all time low and I am not ok with this! Help?

Hello
 

Hi,

I've noticed no one replied to your post so I'm diving in. I'm a middle aged sexy, beautiful femme and even though I live in a big city have also a problem with meeting people.

The LGBT community can be a daunting place if you are not "visible" as a lesbian and are just coming out.I'd think this website is a good place to start exploring possibilities.

I empathize with the feeling of coming out and feeling like your love life is doomed because of geography. However, all you need is the one good person for you.Maybe going to meetups will help or just following some interests of yours will lead you to the right person.

Good luck!

I feel the same way. I have tried online dating sites but the jury is still out. I think because I just want to date. I haven't been on the market for 34 years so in addition to the fact that I am older than many are looking for I have no idea how to flirt or start a conservation in a bar, etc. Always been a bit of a wallflower. I live in NJ and even though I have access to NYC it seems a little daunting

To me it seems online and bars are the best bet as far as the Evergreen state is concerned. If you are lucky you can end up meeting someone someplace random.

BUMPED.......................

City Jails, County lock ups, and probation officers offices:police:

lmao homoe go for it !

It isn't easy. Being femme makes it even harder. I feel that, if you are a femme, you have to be the one to start up the conversation. You have to let the person you are interested in actually get the idea that you are interested.

I feel like butches have an easier time meeting people because they are not invisible (most often).

I don't do that starting the conversation thing. Lol. I am really just too shy.

Okcupid and POF have quite a few in Spokane. I've even been contacted by a couple butches in Spokane (im in Canada) because the Butches I've talked to find it hard to figure out. Considering Spokane was listed in Autostradle as a total dyke city (from their survey response) kind of makes you despair that all the dykes are home, sitting on their couches wondering where each other is!!!
Try meetups as well, it's a website/app that gets local groups of people together. And if you don't see what you want, start a group in meetups yourself. I'm going to as soon as school is finished and I have time to be a hostess to a group (show up at every meeting for the first year)
I started one in Oxford and I had to leave just as it got underway :(

Kind of funny, actually. Well-post testosterone FtMs are in the same boat as femmes!

I tend to be invisible. Or maybe it's more oblivious.

But I definitely relate to the shy thing. I have trouble starting conversations.

Especially with an attractive femme. I get all tongue tied. And that suave butch I like to think I am ends up looking like a stumbling idiot.

I wish I could figure out how to "Date" without ending up in a relationship. Which I guess is usually the point. Hmm.. :thinking:

Just someone I could take out for dinner or weekend excursions or simply have fun at events with.

The meetup idea is a good one; I went to a couple in Berkely while I was still in Ca and it was a good low pressure/interest based way to meet folks. I've been traveling too much of late for it, but now that things are calming down I think I'll try it in my new(ish) city soon. While I enjoy doing things on my own, and do, there are some things that are more fun when you have someone with you.

I agree that femme invisibility sucks. Especially for butches! (Can't pick you out of a crowd easily)

If anyone figures this out please post, I gave it up years ago.

I have put up a rather helpful post :)

Also, face book offers a bajillion groups to join. I've personally joined about 12 different local social meet up and event groups, 6 of which are dyke-queer focus, so I can have conversation with locals, know of local events within reach and when they happen. Most of these things are not advertised in papers or postered or fliers handed out. People don't do that much anymore - the way they advertise groups and events is through social media.

So joining facebook groups has been really helpful.

I type in search words and find a group to join that local and dyke. Then I look on the members list for someone who looks butch- then go to their page and look up all of their social groups because they might have some great groups I don't know about. I read about those groups, join the ones I like the sound of and repeat the process.

That way I find out a) where the butches and queers are actually going b) seeing where the femmes and girlies are going too. I found a couple femme friendship nights because of this.

It does take some research and a steep learning curve, and time, but if one is willing to try, it's great to learn the new ways social groups are coming together.

That's a great idea also! But ... my FB page is mostly work connections (okay, and I have no social life) - and most don't know I'm trans, so I don't want to join things that are queer (no shame, I don't go out of my way to hide it, but it's kind of private as well). I'll bet there is a privacy setting that will disallow others from seeing my groups - have to check that out.

There is also having a FB page that is your own. I do that. There is my career facebook page which has my real name, and my private life facebook page which is not my real name and shows *nothing* publicly. Solves everything.

Hey, I get the same exact way. It's no fun feeling like that either.

This raises a question with me. I'm well aware of how social media and particularly facebook are now pretty much the default way that events, especially for sub-cultures, are promoted. I'm not on facebook nor am I comfortable with putting my real name out there to be snagged by random searches from distant relatives or old school acquaintances. Never mind the glaring security issues (as I see it).

I *think* I would enjoy participating in some of the groups I've seen mentioned on other sites and also to have better access to the local scene. My question then, since I've never been on it, is how do you go about setting up an alias? I was under the impression that an alias is somehow routed out or proof was required. :confused:

Yes, I live under a rock.

my gram said I should meet someone at church or in a library....neither has ever happened....

I met someone at a campmeeting last month,we hit it off and we had a one-time fling...so yes,for me,just simply going to church I can find a date.
I tried on-line dating once and I got so many damn hits it was scary.Lesbian hangouts are great for a quickie,but sometimes I like the thrill of the chase before a fast fuck...playing hard to get housewives are kind of a turn-on these days.

A date to me equals sex...no matter how many dates it takes to get there.

Since where on the subject of dating and getting lucky,I respect Femmes on a whole different level than your average horny,neglected housewife.

I would rather a Femme use my body up and then throw me to the curb afterwards.
:callme: :fuck: :getout:

Well wadda ya know. :thinking:

I always just assumed that it was tied to your IP addy or some such. I'd 'heard' that it was part of their cache`, that it was real names only and some web crawler would sort out if you were fibbing.

Now of course the other part of that equation comes into play. As you mention, can I have another time machine going on? :computer:

I too am feeling the pressure to join because I am missing out on some groups I think I would enjoy. I heard early on too that you had to use your real name, but learned otherwise, at some point along the way. For me I just don't want to have to deal with people from high school and such. I know for you it slides over into your government paranoia crap ( or something along those lines). ;)

I don't have government paranoia (yet) but have been a proud victim of both the Target and Anthem Blue Cross hacks. No more thank you. Also, just say no to personalized advertising. Sheesh!

I suspect you and I are eyeballing at least one of the same groups for participation and it's true, that without a Facebook presence on some level you/we are simply excluded.

I did a little poking around and found some information about how sometimes they do ask for specific ID and if it isn't produced, you get shut down. There was a dust up last fall involving drag queens and other performers which resulted in some turnaround, at least temporarily.

I won't upload any official ID to any source until protocols improve significantly (read:not in my lifetime), but may consider seeing what happens if I just wing it with an alias. :glasses:

If you call yourself purple turnip rider, someone may "report" you for a fake name if you are publicly antagonistic in a group as a passive agressive way to bother you. *then* you have to provide proof. One of my friends recently got reported for their fake name because they have a) an obviously fake name and b) very politically voiciferous about feminism, veganism and socialism. So a list they were ranting on pissed off someone and they reported their fake name.

If your name is William Boddleton and you choose the name Bill Featherjob as an alias, seriously, no one is going to know that it's fake. So no one will report you for it.

I turned off all my games notifications so I never get any. I stopped notifications from anyone I find annoying. No one that I don't want can see my posts from my alias account.
I hate getting feeds that post insipid meme after insipid "inspiring" meme, so I just click on "never get notified from this person again"

I have a fabulous core group of people I love to talk to and love it. I just had five people help me edit my homework lol. It's great. None of my family are on it, no one from anything to do with business and only my two closest classmates/lab partners that I trust ( I can see their shizzle too).

I personally find facebook great for keeping in touch with my friends who are smeared across the planet. Without it my social life would be crippled and Id miss people horribly.

So, I personally love it. :)

Thank you Cupcake, I rather thought this might be the case. Not being much on shit stirring I figure a reasonably normal sounding name backed up with a matching email would probably be enough.

My uses would be similar to yours, no games or endless drivel accepted, a handful of friends who are already there, and a few groups of interest.

Useful information, I may give it a go. :cheesy:

I was on Facebook for a long while. About 10 years. It started my freshman year of college, and I joined right away.

Anyway, I've been off FB for about a year now.

As Gemme said, I found it to be a time suck. Please as more and more people joined and my "friend" list grew, I realized how much I tend to dislike people. And mostly the people I couldn't "de-friend" without blacklash (i.e. family).

Plus I found it all to be fake.

This year was the first year I was not on FB for my birthday. It was amazing how many of my "friends" didn't bother to wish me happy birthday. Family too. So how real were the connections to begin with that they considered themselves my "friends"?

I don't feel like there is a real connection with people on FB.

Anyway, that's just my opinion. Maybe I'm a little jaded about it.

Enter if you dare. But I can honestly say, I don't miss it.

Is it possible to be on FB and never use it, but only to get onto group pages?

Not knowing FB, I don't know if that makes sense.

Like if I wanted to go to a all "Yellow bellied pig farmers club of America" FB page and talk with people, does that come up on my page as well?

I belong to a radical religious group ( yes really), and I can go and interact, but I have my page set-up to stop all of the group posts from turning up on my page. It is amazing what you can do....

Ok, so I can have a page, have no contacts, have no friends, and just go to other pages and post? Cool!

Kelt, look into this FB thing, learn how to block the world out and then let me know. Good man!

I know Boston is about three hours north of you. Boston is a great little city with a nice LGBT community. I'm not sure if Club ManRay is still open, but when I lived in Franklin, MA, I really wanted to go. If you are ever in central Florida, let me know! We will hit the Parliament House in Orlando with my old roommate and his friends.

Zimmeh

I have used an obviously fake name on fb for a couple of years now, even though I have used this name as a nickname for years. I also am a member in several groups, nothing radical. A few months ago, I received a message from fb telling me they require real names and that I was blocked from using any of my groups for a period of two weeks for not doing so. I could read the messages from others and I could use all other aspects of fb including posting on my timeline as well as others, but no posting in any groups for the two week period. Once the 2 week period was finished I was allowed to continue as usual, and yes, I still use the same name. -shrug

I have NOT met anyone in ages so.....all the places I've been going to obviously are all the wrong places!

That would freak me out! I'm glad that your ok and stay away from Boston.

Zimmeh

Bump
 

Bump Bump Bump!

Yes meeting potential dates at the jails, parole offices and etc etc was a JOKE!

I have no idea where to go to meet women! I've heard to go to activities that one enjoys themselves (such a book reading or joining a book club, cooking classes, etc etc) and you have a chance of meeting at least someone with similar interests! Sounds like a plan to me!

My Nana always said I'd meet a nice boy at church....

I always thought I'd meet my perfect match while hiking...but that's how I met my husband...and it was far from perfect lol...

Then I thought college would be nice..My butch friend said she depleted the dating pool in her area and was resorting to AA meetings for potential dates...

Now I meet nice butches around Asheville and silently damn my femme invisibility cloak...