How many femmes are attracted to butches?
 

I'm looking, but it feels like there aren't many girls who would like to date a butch; and I just feel kind of defeated.

The youth of today aren't as old fashioned as the "Dance" between butch's and femme's used to be ! But we ( femmes ) are out there ! Be patient :)

I've never dated a feminine woman.

A memory... years ago, I had a roommate who had this dominant feminine friend who fancied me. My roommate would say "think of her as a butch who wears lipstick, she's also rich" and I said "no way am I interested, that's disgusting!" Also is the fact that I don't use people for their money.

Deborah

Ender, you are in Alberta.
If you moved to Vancouver you'd be swimming in it. Every single butch I know that has moved here from AB has said exactly the same thing
"Holy shit! It's great here for dating!! They *LOVE* butches!"

Then they do a back stroke in dates.

Wrong province, dude.

The femmes are starving here.

My first "real" girlfriend was a femme. She was my best friend and we just fell in love and took it from there.

There was always a sexual charge missing for me but I never could put my finger on :blush: what it was exactly.

Then I reconnected with a butch that I had met in NOW after the femme and I ended our romantic relationship and went back to being best friends.

One date with the butch.

She said: "Come here, I want to kiss you".

Knees weak.

Then I knew what it was that I had unconsciously been missing.

Femmes are friends and sisters for me. They always will be.

I always chuckle at the title of this thread: How many Femmes are attracted to butches?

Uh, most all of us that are on this site.

Me. I'm attracted to butches.

I experienced the same sort of thing. I've been with femmes before, but once I experienced the butch/femme dynamic? It's all I want, now.

But aren’t there degrees of butchness? Like today I saw a photo of Kate Spade, and jeez, if she were just a bit more masculine.... ugh yes! Or Cherry Jones is another one.
Granted, it’s down to personality. Like the butches I’ve liked are confident, smart, kind, and carry themselves in a certain way.

Maybe?

Ive heard many non butch femme folks talk about degrees of butchness. To me having degrees of anything negates someones identity.

But isn’t this just socially constructing a binary then? The same could go for femmes. I’m not super femme-y, which dismantles social hierarchies and gender distinctions. I think that’s the beauty of what Judith Butler was getting at when she was talking about gender being performative.

Idk about constructing a binary. I just don't really care what others outside of the glbtqia community think about gender.

Oh! Thanks for letting me know. For reference, this is Judith Butler: https://vcresearch.berkeley.edu/faculty/judith-butler

In response the the thread there are lots of Femmes and Butches out there I believe but they are scattered far and wide, a statistical cluster would be advantageous for dating I think !

Though no longer taking applications or applying I am attracted to Butches and FTM`s.

As far as the phrase `degrees of butchness` goes I would take that to just be a clumsy way of saying the spectrum of how Butches present, from tomboi, soft butch, or harder, extremely masculine looking etc. Every Butch and every Femme has their own unique blend and I dont believe how they present, their preferences in the bedroom or whether they are a Butch attracted to other Butches or likewise with Femmes gives them any more or less of a degree of their identity.

Peace.

Yes, I think this is a great way of putting it! And for reference, if I hit a nerve with anyone, don't hesitate to tag me or message me! I like having these types of conversation, which I think are important.

Yes they are important ! Especially with new people coming to the site. Even though most topics have been covered in the wealth of previous threads over the years its good to keep discussions current and alive.

I think its quite difficult to make the right tone come across in the written word as well. For the record, if typing were talking, I smile a lot and am softly spoken, I also speak with my hands and usually spill my tea !

Historically, "degrees of butchness" is very triggering for this community. It hits the whole topic of one "not being butch enough". My understanding is that many butches have experienced their femme partners saying this as a way to hurt them.

I don't see it being problematic to talk about how masculine presenting a person is, however. I would go with that language.

I honestly did not intend for this thread to go down this route. As someone who has not only been abused, but also been harassed, I am very sorry. It was a simple mistake. I take these things very seriously and I am very sorry if I have hurt or harmed anyone.

To qualify how I am in real life, I am very ditsy (similar to Jess from New Girl). I think my posts are commonly misread so I think it's best that I either take a break or leave permanently.

Thanks and, again, I am so, so sorry.

I for one would do not wish you to leave, clearly you are regretful about the turn this thread has taken and have apologised for any hurt caused. And I`ll also add by saying that that I am by no means being dismissive or overlooking the hurt triggered by the discussion here. As Dapper touched on, `degrees of ~fill in the blank` have sadly been used as a tool to hurt. Why anyone one would do that is a mystery to me.

(f)

This was a post I had a reaction to. I didn't post at the time because it seemed like Deborah was relatively new and we've been there and done that. She is surely talking about her own experience, but this kind of comment is still problematic. Of course, we all have our preferences, and it's completely legit to feel disgusted by some sexual orientations. But when you don't know your audience, even saying "this just how I feel but it's disgusting" is uncool. All of us older folk have heard that more than once from straight people, and we recognize that as homophobia. It's super alienating. How many steps away from I'm disusted is "that shouldn't be shown on TV" or "I don't want that around my kid."

Tell your friends that the idea of kissing a femme is disgusting to you. But telling a group of people you don't know is not right. There are femmes here who date other femmes. I am one. I also, when I date, am someone who dates butches. I don't date trans men because I am a dyke, like a six on the Kinsey scale. I am not disgusted by the idea. But if I were, I wouldn't share it here because there are trans men here as well as people who love the idea of being with them.

I don't know what line we need to walk with new folks coming in. I decided back in February not to react to this. I probably should have.

Oh, Gosh, you didn't do anything! I was just trying to give you some information before you stepped on a land mine.

I hope you return.

Martina, do you think possibly the poster has internalized homophobia? I have also heard that it exists in the glbt community. What i dont understand is how can someone who is glbt be homophobic?

I have been ewwwed at before by femmes when I was dating a femme. I get that for some femmes dating a femme or any person who isn't masculine is inconceivable.

I think their sexual orientation is different from mine. Queer covers a lot of territory. All good. So I get that that's the way they feel. There's clearly nothing wrong with that. We all have kinds of folks who don't do it for us. But telling others that their interests are disgusting is not appropriate or grown up.

I don't know if it's homophobic, but it implies a limited idea of what butch-femme can be. There is a lot of that around.

Ive heard of it but i just cant wrap my head around how someone can hate their own kind, but hate themselves is another deal.

I myself personally prefer butch, soft butch and tomboi's.....