Prince Charming? Pfft!
 

Do you ever wonder if that perfect relationship exists? I was in love once, really in love, in a good healthy adult relationship, for about 2 years, that ended in 2007, and for the most part, I've been single since. We were engaged and I loved her and we were planning a life together, when out of the blue, she started to change, low and behold, I caught her cheating. She was an amazing blue print for what I want in a partner and in life (until she lost her damn mind) and I've been pretty much single ever since. I've done plenty of dating, even had some short lived romances here and there, but for almost the last 3 years, I have yet to find anyone that comes close to what I'm looking for.

Maybe it's me? Maybe I'm far too picky, but I start dating someone and it doesn't take long for me to realize they aren't my "butch in shining armor." I waded through the local dating pool and have outsourced on occasion, and only once did I fall again, boy was I wrong about that one.

People tell me I'm only 25 but hello! I'm 25! I'm about 3 years off track from my grand plan. I was supposed to be happily married with a big prego belly by now. Don't get me wrong, I've changed my plan and I love the direction my life is going now, I'm back in school, following my passion and excelling and I have started my own freelance business, but I'm still looking for my prince and I just keep kissing frogs.

How hard is it to find someone who is compatable with me? Or maybe I've just had soo many wonderful experiences that I can't settle for anything short of breathtaking? So how do I find it??

I wonder the same thing, I have been in 5relationships and im 23.

the problem with seeking a knight in shining armour or a Prince Charming, is that they only appear when you need rescued. And once you are no longer needy, they depart, for in them runs the blood of a rescuer.

Its ok to be picky. In fact, I advise you not to settle. In any way. 90% of your life sorrow will come from chosing the wrong mate.

The way that you find love is by empowering yourself. It will become your finest feature and will add beauty beyond the norm. They will look at you and be attracted to your fire. Stop looking for the magic outside of yourself, and start to seek and develop it inside of yourself. When that happens, aint no sinner gonna dupe you...

good luck in your journey...

Ouch. Well that was harsh.

I don't need someone to complete me, just someone who's personality compliments my personality.
I don't need someone to save me, but I do appreciate chivalry.
I'm well aware that relationships are work, trust me.
I never said she was perfect, I said she was a blueprint, she taught me a lot about what I want in a relationship, in a partner, and from my future.
I love myself and I'm perfectly content being alone, I actually prefer being alone than being with the wrong person, I'm just looking for the right person.
I don't expect to find someone who is "perfect" but I think someone can be "perfect for me," even in their imperfections.
Who ways I have to sacrifice passion for complatability and commitment? Who says I can't have all 3?

You have quite the flair for words. I'm an artist, I'm spontaneous and passionate, I have quite the fire and I attract a lot of people to it. But I'm looking for the butterfly, not the moths. And moths are all I find. I joke with my friends that I'm a Damsel semi-distressed. God knows I can't fix a tire and have no idea what to do if I blow a fuse but my life? I've got that handled.

Yeah, the boi's with the hero complexes tend to bounce when I don't need constant saving, I think that's part of why my ex and I fell apart, sadly.

It was not meant to be harsh, I am rarely harsh. I am however, realistic.
Your above comments, seem to be to be much more realistic than those in your original post. (that is my view and again not trying to be harsh) Also, you started your post with: "Do you ever wonder if that perfect relationship exists?"
I am not trying to argue with you just clarify.
I did not say sacifice passion for compatability and commitment. However I have a adult daughter and if you want long term commitment and a child, passion often does not die, there simply is not as much time for it. At that point the 2 c's is what gets people through everyday life till they have time for passion.

I truly hope you find everything you are looking for

Oh yes, yes they do!

I'm not going to give you relationship advice. I am not qualified to do that.

However, let me just share this thought, for what it is worth.

Scrap the grand plan.

In my view, life cannot be planned. Life happens. You can't plan it. You can't schedule it. You just have to deal with how it comes at you. In my opinion, having a grand plan just continually sets you up for disappointment. Live in the moment, or at least try to.

Jake

Im learning to let love come to me, im letting them chase me for once

This is great advice that I probabaly won't take, although I promise to try! I've always been a planner, I don't know how to not be a planner.

Pity
 

Sometimes we all go thru this and sometimes we don't.
But however their is no such thing as a prince charming or fairy tales....
There is something known as a person that loves u unconditionally and that is a rare one...
It takes alot of time...
And it takes alot of tryn but u have to be willing to unconditionally love yourself also...
That is what most ppl can't do

LOL

Fair enough. I think, though, you will reach a place in your life when you realize the plan is not grand nor important.

As I have aged, I have learned a few things, especially in the last few years. Life is, in general, an unpredictable mess, a journey during which sometimes your luggage is lost. Forgiveness is an art, and forgiving yourself is the hardest thing to do. The only thing I ever hope to walk away with -- from anything -- is my self-respect and maybe a lesson learned. And saying three little words -- "I am sorry" is a lot harder to say for most people than "I love you."

Ok, now it sounds like I am pontificating. I don't mean to. I am just speaking from the "me" place.

Jake

Well I appreciate your "me" place!

When you break it down, it's all about love and negotiation.
 

The most important thing I have learned is you can not make anything happen. The more you push/try to make something happen, the harder it is to achieve.

I think that your advice is wonderful. I absolutely agree with you that life can not be planned out. You can not predetermine the path that life will take you. Every door opens up another challenge that you do not know about prior to it.

I also agree with you about "I am sorry" being harder to say than "I love you" I think that people tend to throw the I love you around too easily.


As for the topic of the thread.. I think that once you stop looking it will find you .. Love is not something you are supposed to hunt for ... It is something that is supposed to find you when you least expect it...

Just remember that until you truly love yourself and are happy with yourself, you can not know what love and happiness are with someone else.

Thank you for this, I am now for once starting to know that my age and my size makes me who i am and I am beautiful and smart and anyone would be lucky to be with me.

hold it
 

Please don't take this personal!!! My experince reading your post is that you have set an unrealistic expectation for any person to meet. Honestly life is too short to try and meet such demanding criteria. Maybe the problem is having a blueprint...it causes tunnel vision and the good stuff passes by and gets missed. I am not trying to be a jerk but maybe it is you...maybe you should evaluate the dating choices you are making for yourself and make some kind of change in that tactic. "butch in shining armor" rings kinda ooggey to me because that mentality is well misogynistic when i hear people talking that way. Hope this makes sense!!!

I absolutely agree with Hack... I have stopped "looking" and "planning" and will say that Im just living my life. If it happens great if it doesnt Im ok with that too. I love me and am enjoying and living my life.. I have a great career, great friends, and am settled. I am happy with my life. I dont need someone to complete me or make me happy. I have reached that point by myself. The only thing that someone coming into my life would do now is enhance it... Good luck Fuzzy :)

Prince charming is boring. ((YAWN)) I prefer finding someone who is completely wrong for me, nothing of what I want, emotionally unavailable and fixing them up. No one ever seems to appreciate that level of dedication though.

My expectations are outrageous and the only thing more ridiculous is my proven track record of poor choices. And this is after years of therapy and hard work. What I knew at 25 was that I was better off alone. lol. I forgot that until this last year. Then I got caught up in whatever the current trend was - I tend do the same thing with handbags - and I just have to have one. They just look so cute on your arm....sure they're expensive, but everyone else has one!

People are human. If you find someone who can make you laugh ~ really laugh. Someone who accepts you with all your flaws and who shares your values, I really think that is enough. It seems like it should be.

I am not hard to please, but do seem to be impossible to understand. I have serious commitment issues too - I don't expect perfection in them - I do expect it of myself. Then live in fear I will be discovered - they will realize I'm not perfect - so why bother? Or worse, they already know so they are going to leave any minute - I watch for signs, can't take the suspense and jump ship before they push me off.
(Did ya'll see the leap there? Therein lies a problem with my thinking....lol.)

I DO believe that there is someone for everyone else. So all the rest of you have a good shot. Just stay away from me. Unless you are hung up on your ex, stuck in an abusive relationship, a serial cheater, compulsive liar or abusive.......in that case you should call me so I can get that sorted out for you.

I had to un-lurk just to say that is a kinda hot mental image, but now, I have to ask what it means!

As far as my views on rescuers... There are, admittedly, a lot of times I wouldn't mind a rescuer, myself. (And I'm a bit of a fuck-up, so who knows--I might even end up keeping them interested.)

I'm not looking for the social ideal of perfection, I'm looking for my perfect. Someone who is a little jealous and stuborn, someone who can make me see when I'm in the wrong, who is a bit stoic and can ground me when my fantasies threaten to carry me away. Someone who laughs with me, even at me, someone who can laugha themselves. Someone educated and intelligent, someone strong willed and passionate, someone just crazy enough to humor me. Someone with goals and who wants the same things out of life and family that I do. I never thought it was so hard to find that person.

I love it!!

Ooh la la. Protectors excite me.

Fuzzy, why do you have to have the prince before you have the baby? If it seems like life is getting on without you--that's how that part of your post read to me--then maybe it would be worthwhile to explore whether you are okay being a single mom, and if you are, just going for it; because yanno, there is no guarantee that even your perfect partner will actually be able to stay in a relationship with you for the child's whole life. People come apart all the time, even those who believe they are soul-mates and those who believe they are perfect for each other.

I personally believe that making the decision to become a parent should be something a mother does by herself, for herself if she isn't already in a relationship... what I mean by that is that I believe a woman should only decide to get pregnant if she believes she is willing and capable of raising a child to adulthood by herself, of accepting sole responsibility for that child's life and financial support, and of acknowledging that anyone else who acts as a parent can never hold the ultimate responsibility--because when you come right down to it, she is the only one who can decide to get pregnant, yanno?

So what I believe is that it's your body and your life, and if a child belongs in it, if you are committed to being a mother, then why wait for a partner?

About finding someone who is compatible, it helps a lot to understand personality types. Once you learn to understand the different ways people process information and make decisions, you can also understand what goes wrong in so many relationships... it really IS communication more often than not.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

I guess I'm a bit old fashioned but I really want to be married before I have a child. I want to be the semi-stay-at-home-mom. My mom raised me at home and I want to do the same for my children.

As far as the personalities go, I;m an ENFP, The Idealist Champion, rare and only found in 2-3% of the population.

It me took until I was 38. I'm personally glad it took this long. I obviously wasn't as ready for it as I thought I was ten years ago. My own problems got in the way of many relationships. oddly enough, I always thought the other person had "problems with intimacy" - and many did. But I hadn't realised just how much of it was me.

there's no time limit on how long it will take. Mine didn't show up till I was truely ok with being single for the rest of my life.

Hrm. According to the dating-and-mating guides, I have a problem. I'm attracted to physical power/protectiveness and courage (characteristic of Artisans), decisive judgment (apparently Artisans are not Js), a lack of strong displays of emotion (characteristic of Rationals), reliable authoritarianism in the relationship (potentially characteristic of Guardians and conspicuously not of Artisans or Rationals), and an appreciation of defined, divided roles (Guardians again).

Perhaps I need a Guardian (masculine manifestation) with an Artisan (masculine manifestation) multiclass.

Just another two cents in the mix...
 

When I was in my early 20's - I had a master plan. By the time I hit my 30's, I started to realize that this plan may never come to fruition. I'm in my 40's now - and - it never happened. I wanted marriage and I wanted kids, but I wanted the 'right' person to have them with. I gave myself a time limit - and time taught me a valuable lesson. I wasted too much time relying on someone other than myself to make my life happen - and, sometimes the things you want are not the things you need.

Thankfully, I have no regrets. As I look back I realize, I'm actually glad things happened the way they did, and am thankful things turned out differently.

Point is - master plans don't always work. Sometimes, it best when they don't.

:)

Is nothing sacred?
 

One thing I've completely figured out about relationships is that I'm just not willing to share my Cherry Toaster Strudel. It is hidden behind the bag of broccolli for good reason.


Some things should be respected.


http://www.momsneedtoknow.com/wp-con...er-Strudel.jpg