Office Etiquette / Advice
 

I'm starting this thread because I'm seeking answers from those who know the rules of office etiquette better than I. But I hope others also can post their questions and advice here too.

Here's mine:

Okay - I have a small convex mirror (bigger than a quarter, but still relatively small) adhered to my monitor so people don't come up behind me and scare the bejeezus out of me. I have been at this job about a month and a half, and a woman who has been out with an injury just came back two days ago.

Today, she asked me why I had a mirror on my monitor, and was it so I could see what she was doing on her computer (she sits behind me, but the door is also behind me). I said, no, the mirror is too small for me to see anything she's doing. I tend to jump out of my skin if somebody approaches me from behind and I don't know they are coming. I asked if it bothered her, and she said, "yes, actually, it does."

I don't want to remove my mirror. I did move my monitor so the mirror doesn't show her in its line of sight, but now I'm getting a crick in my neck.

SO: Is my having a small mirror on my monitor a breach of office etiquette? Should I take it down out of consideration for her feelings, or will this encourage her to make future unreasonable demands? Have you ever been bothered by somebody in your office having a mirror attached to their desk, monitor or wall? Am I being an ass?

I haven't worked in a shared office for some time - but I have to say it wouldn't have bothered me if anyone had a mirror on their computer.

Sounds to me like someone is spending too much time on FB and doesn't want to get busted... after all - if she were busy working why would she care what you saw? She's up to something.


Keep your mirror.


PS: It's funny she thought that - because I personally would have just thought you wanted to see who was coming so you could switch out of FB and not get busted lol

I agree that it's her thing, not yours.

I'd just put it back where I wanted it. Then if she says something again, say the minimal. (I find the minimal always to be the safest bet.) Like, say, oh, yeah, sorry, but I never even look in there unless someone comes up. End of your part of discussion.

If she continues talking just nod and be pleasant but stay on message: I do understand but I promise you I don't even see what's way back there.

Then it's up to her to escalate if she wants, and she's not going to do that because she probably is just squatting on FB.

Good luck.

(Try to channel Jim from The Office when you get to the nod and be pleasant part.)

I used to work in cubeland. Then they modernized a bit and
put the dividers up to 6 feet and the only open space was the entrance into the cube space.

One of my tricks, was to keep my extra chair full of stuff, my brief case, my coat, usually a stack of papers~ clearly sending a message visitors unwanted.:| Somedays, it was hard to get my work done because people would just drop in and want to hang...Hang someplace else.

Because I know people can make a mountain out of seemingly nothing, do you have a floor supervisor? I'd seek them out and see if they have issue with it. If it's the little concave type of mirror you stick on a side view mirror, the further away you try to look into the mirror, the more distorted the object becomes. I'd point that out.

I completely understand when you are concentrating on your work and someone comes into a quiet space, it can rattle you. When I worked in cubeland...it would often take me a few minutes to regroup and get back to what I was doing.
(thats why I made my cube feel uninvited). Good luck with this.

Having worked in offices forever once I left hospital nursing, I have found out that: I too hate to have people walk up behind me. I am in the first office set-up now in which the desk configuration is loopy and the door opens behind me. I had my monitor set up off to the side so I could at least see part of my door. Can your monitor be positioned any differently?

Would it be possible to ask your co-worker out to lunch or take a break with her or bring in a cup of coffee for her in the AM? I find people are much more responsive if I am self-effacing, i.e., "I know it may sound strange but the mirror is just a quirk of mine because, etc". People are usually more workable if they understand. It's always worth a try.

If she had been there longer than you and you have no senority, if this could impact your job, you could think about talking to your direct supervisor about it because you do not want the co-worker to go to HR and complain about it and get them involved.

Or if you try everything. Take it down. It's easier to make a stand at a job (reasonable accomodation) when you have been there a while rather than as a new employee. Employers don't like hassles these days but only you can decide for yourself the best course of action.

Best of luck:)

I am the same way, Nat, but had never thought of the mirror idea until you mentioned it (THANKS!!). My biggest pet peeve is being startled. It actually makes me mad! That and it takes approximately ten years for my heart to return to its normal rhythm after a good scare.

When I worked as a business manager I had to keep my monitor positioned appropriately due to the sensitive nature of the financials I worked on. Now that I am in higher education and have much more down time in my job, I can float back and forth between work related tasks and internet perusing. I also have two monitors so it's much easier to do just that. Out of habit I used to keep them turned so I could face the entrance to my cube, but like you mentioned...it gave me killer neck/back aches.

My feeling is that if you are gonna spend time on the internet while at work, just be open about it. Minimizing your screen or acting all paranoid just pisses people off. If someone has an issue with it, chances are you'll hear about it eventually. Your coworker is drawing more attention to the fact that she is most likely doing something she knows she shouldn't be.

Keep the mirror. It's your space and as long as you aren't violating some sort of company policy then you have every right to feel safe/make your space safe.

I do I mean really do understand how when people come up behind you and say nothing in the office can make you jump but at the same time I would be paranoid of a mirror being directed at me. Weather you are looking or not or can see everything or just a gesture I would feel like I am being watched and not because I am doing anything at my desk I am pretty boring. LOL Kind of like walking a park and someone walking behind you step by step.
I guess you would have to see it in her eyes that she has a mirror directed right at you and can see maybe not everything but the basics.
It is for your peace that you are doing it maybe talk to the coworkers so they can come in your site and not behind you every time they need you or maybe see about moving your monitor and chairs and all. I am not sure if you have the desk that goes all around or just in the front. Just thinking of ways to make both of you happier in the work place. I guess by compromising. :)

I spent 6 years in cube land. We all had mirrors. It was a non issue.

Don't take it down.

It is always better to try to work something out rather than to take an inflexible stand. You have been at your job for 1 and a half months/during which time your co-worker was out with an injury. We have no way of knowing what happened to her! You are new to each other.

As a manager, someone new that comes into a job and is not flexible gets a bad name. You do not have any senority. You can always make a stand but must ask yourself, in this economy is your mirror worth more than the possibility of losing your job? If they hire "at will" this means that they can fire with no cause at all. Of course none of this is fair but it it the way it is.

Every day in our stressful, overloaded work environments, my co-workers and I use as our mantra: Pick your battles.

Just giving you another perspective to think about.

OOhh yeah, Anya...Nat. Especially if you are on a 90 day probation....

I was actually thinking about this. Maybe you've tried this. Invite her to sit at your desk and see for her self what your little mirror see's, and while she is sitting there, enter the cube. So she can see what it is for!:wine:

Maybe she is self-conscious because she likes to pick her nose while she works :)

Everybody has a mirror in cubeland. its even a promo item at trade shows.

she's paranoid. don't be bullied.

I'm not sure what the culture of Nat's cubeland is.....When I was in the Hotel Business, I oversaw the reservations Department, and Cubeland was huge and everyone had a big mirror, so they could smile at the customer....still in the Hotel Business, I moved into Operations and Cubeland was smaller, but the cube's were bigger (the one's with the high wall's) so the noise was less and you could inter act with the customers
more privately. We didn't have mirrors, thats where I created the uninviting extra chair. I think every company has a culture that is a little different.

Where I work now, It's every one behind closed doors. That took a while to get used to. I still think he should error on the side of caution, and be sure
he is not rowling up someone. It's not worth it. It may be no big deal. He should ask and seek to compromise.

I think you have gotten some good advice, esp from PrincessBelle and Anya and Yellow Band. I am not sure that this is the issue to take a stand on. You may find that your coworker is "the darling" of the company and really cause problems for yourself. Whatever her reasons are, they are valid in her mind (THIS IS THE THING TO REMEMBER) and you could end up being seen as antagonistic.

If rearrangement of the desk is not an option, maybe another mirror would be. Maybe something reflective that allows you to see someone comnig up behind you but something that is blurry/fuzzy enough that you cannot see too far beyond your space.

If you really do want to keep your mirror and change nothing, then perhaps befriending the person is a solution. Maybe is she understands that you are "skittish" (for lack of a better term) you can find common ground in "little quirks." But if she is concerned that you are watching her, it is probably not going to work especially if she cannot see things from your point of view.

At any rate, good luck to you.

:sparklyheart:

I also scare easily, and a mirror wouldn't have helped me at all because I wouldn't be looking into it in time for the anticipated warning. I just talked to everyone in the vicinity and asked them to knock on the hard bit at the doorway to my cubicle, and lo and behold, they usually asked me to do the same! Even the ones who were a little harder to train just got the knocking treatment from me, and they eventually picked it up.

But if the mirror works for you, don't let her bully you. If you feel you've ruffled her feathers, that's sort of her problem. Talking to HR may help, but only if you feel it's a huge problem. Otherwise, it doesn't seem that big a deal.

... that said, if she does pick her nose at work or look at porn, enjoy your blackmail fodder! ;)

To whom it may concern: You did the right thing by asking if it effected her and she told you. How ever thats your work place and if your not objecting any obsticles in her way as in " keeping her from doing her job" you should leave the mirror and computer where you had it to begin with. One you told her your reason for having it. and theres nothing in any manual stating that you can't have a small mirror unless your on a correctional facility then that would be a violation of security! But still check with your boss to make sure its ok that you can have small mirror attached on your monitor. Doesnt hurt to ask.

put your monitor back in the original place and have her sit at your desk and look in the mirror for herself.........

after that leave your monitor where ever you want it....

Update: I did talk to my boss after she snapped at me several times and he recommended a rearrangement of the desks, which was handled very diplomatically and to the satisfaction of all involved. She only gets along with one person in the office. I'm polite but keep my distance.