My head knows what my heart refuses to believe...
 

I'm in a difficult situation right now. I talked to one of my closest friends who knows me & knows about the situation.

After I described my feelings and how hurt I was over some of the things said by the other party, my friend said, 'Walk. The woman is an attention whore. She's stringing you along and she's loving the attention and how you and her husband are fighting over her. Do you REALLY think she'll ever leave her husband? I know you're in love with her, but she is using you because you're convenient. You're a doormat, C. You deserve better.'

I sat in stunned silence for what seemed like eternity....and then I started to cry. I knew my friend was right.

Cole

oh this is such a difficult place to be I have been there and so have many others

realize your worth more you deserve more and with time you will get all that you want and deserve especially when you're not looking for it


I wish you peace and healing during this time

Shit! I think I just wrote something in rep to Teddy instead of Cole. My bad.

Anyway, rule to remember, cheaters cheat and liars lie. That shit never changes.
Which sucks!

Mr sunshine

If u did i havent seen it but i wont read it if u prefer i dont

So sorry to hear about that, Cole. I found myself in a somewhat similar situation before and it takes a toll on both your heart and your sense of self worth. The realization of what you need to do is a hard thing to face and I truly think it's a grieving process because you're grieving the loss of your dreams for a future with this person.

One of the things that helped throw into sharp contrast how unacceptable the situation was was when a friend asked me what I would do if the situation was reversed, if I would be able to put them through what they were putting me through if I really cared about them. That was a hard pill to swallow, but definitely necessary (for me, anyway).

The one thing I have learned is to look at people's actions and not their words. People make time for what (and who) is important to them. If someone wants to be with you and cares about you, they will make you a priority in their lives, period. All the rest is just for show.

I hope things work out for you, whatever happens. With 7 billion+ people in the world (and what, like 350 million lesbian and bi women in the world, statistically speaking), you don't have to stay in a situation or with someone that's less than what you deserve.

Very, very hard. I've been the other person twice, without intent but it wound up that way. They started seeing someone else in the process of us getting together and I found the state of mind and emotional bleakness at the time prevented me from having the strength to end it. I needed them, quite badly. That put me in a position of being an option, instead of priority. If I had been casual myself, it would have not mattered. But like I said, I really did need them. And that need, along with my lack of social support, my feeling abandoned by other people at the time and my new city (both times) had me on tenterhooks for their attention and care.

That must have been quite a bit of pressure for them, if they understood it.

Both of them were also very, very bad at self control. They both genuinely cared for me. A lot. It was hard for them too, it was why they couldn't let me go.
But ultimately I was a spare when it wasn't good for me to be a spare.

Previous posts are right. Words mean pretty much close to nothing from people. It's taken me to 45 to finally get that it's actions. And now, I watch very carefully for when actions don't match words. And if that happens repeatedly, after a few times, I'm gone before I get hooked on sentiment, rather than action and reality.

If someone screws up, they will always repeat the mistake. It's up to you to decide if that is the kind of mistake you can live with in someon else - can you be ok with that kind of mistake happening again? If not, then don't go there, leave.

It hurts but you will be learning something really, really valuable. And hope really really hard that YOU won't repeat those mistakes either. I repeated mine for two decades. Till I got hurt so bad I couldn't ignore it anymore. I had to change things about myself. In big ways.

You won't be able to do anything about her. The only thing you will be able to do anything about is you.

I must have got it to the right person then. Thanks Teddy!

I'm super late to reply. I'm terribly sorry for what you went through. Right now, your friend's advice is what I need to hear as well. I fell hopelessly in love with a woman that said she needed more time to figure out her feelings...that said there was a part of her that wants to give me what I want, which is to be with her...a day later she decides nope...I'm straight...never was in the closet. I feel utterly worthless. I don't even know where to begin to pick myself up. She was the first woman, in a ridiculously long time, that I wanted to be serious about.