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-   -   Your relationship with your mom. (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3643)

Merlin 08-10-2011 09:08 AM

Your relationship with your mom.
 
Do you and your mom get on ?

My mom has supported me through everything. I feel blessed.

She accepted I was gay.
She accepted I am Buch (that took a bit longer)

I am from a large catholic family,i have been lucky as they have all been great.

Amber2010 08-10-2011 09:52 AM

You are so very lucky
I have not talked to my mom in over two years.
She can not accept me ant I have now grown use to never talking to her anymore. I am pretty sure I have closed off.

ruffryder 08-10-2011 10:39 AM

My mom was my best friend. She passed away a few years ago. She accepted me for who I was. She accepted my g/f as her own child. She was great. I was blessed to have her in my life and instill the qualities that she did. :praying:

Just_G 08-10-2011 10:44 AM

I have been so very blessed to have one of the best moms on this earth! She has never tried to change a thing about me...just loves me for me and has always accepted my friends at her house when they have no place to go on holidays. (she calls them "your little friends", like I am still in 2nd grade..lol)

She helps me when and if I need it, watches my dog Frankie when I need her to...though half the time she leaves me voicemails wanting to know if Frankie can come spend the night with grandma..lol. We take trips to Big Lots to shop every so often and when people say we look alike, she tells them she is my sister and just giggles...she is so funny. She always tells me how proud she is of me, hugs me, tells me she loves me, and is one of the most positive, loving people I have ever known. She has been such a great influence on me over the years.

I'd say that my mom is one of my best friends. She will come to the shop and let my dad have it if he isn't treating me right. (they are divorced) She works with the handicap children in her church and treats all the neighborhood kids like family; taking ice cream out to them, making doll clothes for the one little girl, and lets them play in her yard so they aren't in the street.

She is amazing...I could go on and on....


MissPriss 08-10-2011 07:27 PM

My birth mother and I really do not have a relationship. I used to not even talk to her because I was mad that she gave me away and kept my twin, only after years of thinking it over I realized that she is a great woman and that choice made me who I am and allowed me to have the best MOM ever.

jelli 08-10-2011 09:12 PM

My birth mother has never really been a mother to me, but she has loved my three brothers. I don't understand it. there is quite a bit of pain and anger associated with her.

I have gone back and forth with:
"well if I do______ than maybe she'll love me too"
"what's wrong with me"
"I don't need her"
"Perhaps I am asking for what she can not give"
"This has nothing to do with me".

Although I do not feel as if we will ever have the relationship that I have longed for, I do think we can find some common ground.


Bard 08-10-2011 09:22 PM

I keep coming back to this and it is kind of a hard place for me I lost my mother at age 9 but really I never had a relationship with her and it took me a long time to come to terms with it... she was close to my brother and they had a relationship I envyed but my mom had a lot of issues she was a functional drunk and by not getting involved with me she saved me and she loved me enough to find a woman to love and raise me my Nanny.. I still wonder would she be proud of how I turned out and I asked my brother what he thought his answer to me was that HE was proud of me and he is sure mom is to

RavynTuqiri 08-10-2011 09:50 PM

Hmmm...tough question....with being lesbian, she finally came around...took a few years.

We do not get along well, and right now (the past two years now) haven't gotten along at all. She is judgmental and overly critical and has to have the last word in every conversation. She can never be wrong.

We did not have a relationship when I was growing up...she also was an alcoholic....but the experience made me who I am today and I understand why she is the way she is (she also had a difficult childhood) so I can forgive her.

After she came to terms with my being gay we had a period of about 5 years where we did actually get along (for the most part) so I am thankful for the times when we are able to get along. Oddly she can not be happy with both my sister and me at the same time. It is simply my turn in the dog house.

Ironically...she has accepted me being gay....she can't accept me being funny :P

RadiantYearning 08-10-2011 11:14 PM

My mother and I have an extremely strained relationship ... which, oddly enough, has nothing to do with me being gay.

When I came out, I didn't really give my family the opportunity to reject me because I was gay. It was love me or live without me. I had a zero tolerance attitude to anything less. I've been out for 15 years now and up until a few years ago my mother would still make comments to the sound of, "she's just going through a phase." Still, despite her dellusions, she has always been absolutely accepting of me and my partners and has treated every single one of them with respect and accepted them into our family just as any other sibling's significant other would be accepted.

The strain on our relationship comes from the chaos that exists in our family now. One of my siblings has been enabled so extensively by her that there is little time for the remaining siblings and grandchildren. I go out of my way to invite her to events that my children take place in otherwise they too would never see or hear from her. I keep telling myself, it is what it is ... but no matter how many times I say it, it never feels any better.

Soft*Silver 08-10-2011 11:29 PM

my mother had a difficult time parenting. She was obviously not loved well herself as a child and thus, had problems loving her own children. Yet, she kept a roof over our heads, food on our table and good beds to sleep in. She was cruel with her humour and distant with her Truths. She damaged me but who doesnt get damaged along the way. I am not willing to beat the woman up any more for what she couldnt do for me. Its over. I did therapy and got over it. I love her nontheless tho truthfully, while she was alive and hurting me, it was very hard to keep that love in the forefront.

Being gay was not an issue with her. Her first words out of her mouth when i told her, was "I didnt raise you to be no queer". I responded that no, she hadnt. She raised me to be a good person, a loving mother, a hard worker, a decent citizen, etc. I just also happened to be gay.Because she realized she wasnt to "blame", she moved past this initial stage of shock and fear and anger. As she met my partners, and realized we didnt have three heads, she came to accept us for who we were, not what she had feared. She loved them each. And she loved me, tho again, thats hard to remember but I still know its true...

Phyl 08-11-2011 10:09 AM

I have always had a great relationship with my whole family. I have always been just a boi. I have five sisters and i guess i was the boi they never had. My Mother is my rockstar she has always just let me be the man i was meant to be.

Ebon 08-11-2011 10:42 AM

My mom is weird. I don't really talk to her but for reasons other than me being queer. She thinks that I'm too white or not black enough. Our relationship isn't like it used to be but again it's not because of the queer thing it's because I don't give her money. We used to have a good relationship though, when I gave her money. lol Also if I need anything I'm pretty certain that I can count on her if she has it.

Gemme 08-11-2011 05:23 PM

My mom's been gone for a few years now. She initially had a bit of a hard time with the gay thing (she didn't make it to my self awareness of being Queer) but that was really neither here nor there for us. We had so many other issues at hand. She loved me and I knew that and I loved her, but due to a lot of her decisions in life that affected me, I carried a pretty deep-seated dose of resentment towards her and, frankly, didn't like her very much. I think she knew that until she didn't. Thankfully, for her, as her illnesses progressed, her memories faded until only the ones that she conjured up in her head existed. I knew she did the best that she could at the time and I do give her credit for that. I just wish any of many circumstances had been different.

Abigail Crabby 08-11-2011 05:39 PM

My Mom and I had a weird relationship most of our lives.

When I came out to her it changed for the better dramatically.

She loved my partners and accepted them as part of the family just as she had my daughters father.

She's gone now, but there are three people who blessed my life as partners and she is missed by them as much as she is missed by me.

I was lucky to have her support.

lipstixgal 08-11-2011 05:44 PM

I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother(she is deceased). She didn't accept me when I told her I wanted to be with women. I never became the doctor she wanted and therefore was probably not good enough but I have gotten through all of this with the help of friends and therapy so I am happy now and with a great girl that I think my mother would even like.

EnderD_503 08-19-2011 05:51 AM

I've always had a good relationship with my mother, partly perhaps because we were each other's support growing up with my father. I think we continue to be each other's support even now that I'm in my 20s and he's completely out of the picture. I'm not sure that she really understands my queer sexuality. That's ok by me. She's slowly coming to understand why/how I identify as male, but it was really tough for her and it still is. I guess for a long time she thought I was going to grow up to be non-feminine and unique woman who would go on to disprove what women are/are not capable of physically and in other aspects of life. She thought that having a male identity would just turn me into another jock or typical guy or something. Evidently, that's not who I am or what I hope to be, but I'm still waiting for the day when she truly knows and believes that. I think she's slowly coming to understand that. I think as she continues to see that I want to maintain my visibility as an XX-born male identity, she'll understand more and more that it's not about being "a normal/stereotypical guy," but that I really do want to change things instead of just disappearing into normalcy and gender complacency.

She's making an effort and has been accepting, and that's what matters to me most. She is really the only blood relative that I have regular communication with and who I really count as family (other than one cousin), so I'm glad that we still have a good relationship.

diamondrose 08-19-2011 05:59 AM

My mom has always been very accepting of who I am. Shes always says "as long as I am happy." Sadly, for other reasons other than my being a gay woman, we don't have a great relationship(lack thereof). My mom is a distant type person scooting along in her own little world. She has her spurts when she gets in her "family time" groove, but those moments are far a few between. Its just who and how she is as a person. Despite that, I love her fully and she loves me just as the person I am. I cherish our rare moments together.

NJFemmie 08-19-2011 06:23 AM

I was very close to my mother - attached to her hip kind of close. One of the things I always loved and respected her for was that she always spoke to me as an adult. She never sugar coated things and told me whatever she felt straight from the hip. She was very big on emotionally preparing her children for "life" - since her own was incredibly hard and tumultuous.

My mother died when I was 14 - so I have no idea how she would have reacted to my lifestyle. My mother was a progressive woman for her time - in thought and action - so I would like to think that she would have been okay with it. My father, who was more the strict, old school, neanderthal-minded kind of man knew about my lifestyle - it was something that was rarely discussed - but at the same time, it was never a negative thing either. So, my logic is - if he was okay with it - my mom probably would have been.

deb_U_taunt 08-19-2011 07:35 AM

I have a great relationship with my mom. I put her through hell when I was a teenager and being gay would be the last of her worries. She truly only wants me to be happy. I am blessed with an open-minded grandmother, too.
I talk to both daily. They are 70 and 90 and hard to think of my life without them.

Massive 08-19-2011 08:14 AM

My Mum is one of My best friends ever, she's there for me no matter how much of an arsehole I am, she defends me when anyone is homophobic or thinks they can bully me, she stands by me, hell, she took me to Pride this year and had more fun and made more friends than I did!
She often asks questions and I am always honest with her, so we've had moments when she's regretted asking lol like when she asked me why I wanted the triskelion inked on me, that was the first time I've ever stunned her into silence...
Firstly she asked what it meant, so I explained about BDSM, so she next asked if that was what I liked, I told her yes, so we walked in silence for about ten minutes and she pointed into a shoe shop and commented on what nice sandals where in the window, I swear that's the only time I've had to fight laughing so hard that it hurt, bless her, she's the sweetest woman you could ever meet, she will talk to anyone, but she really only knows about generalised stuff, but genuinely wants to know about the things she has either never heard of or has no knowledge of, so when I do explain, you can see the thoughts running through her mind usually along the lines of "fuck, why did I ask that???"
:cheesy:
I love my Mum, and I tell her constantly, because she is the sweetest, kindest, most generous person I know, she's even adopted my chosen Family. I couldn't ask for a better Mother or friend, ever.
I know I am blessed!


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