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Butches Cruel Joke?? *The Change*
The tears at the drop of a hat, the sweats (not just at night mind you) The mood swings god I feel like I'm losing my mind..... Menopause
I mean growing up finding myself as a "female identified Butch" was in it self a hard thing to grow into. Walking into a women's bathroom and being told "sir you are in the wrong bathroom", I was mortified as a young adult to hear that and it still happens to me on a wkly basis. I'm better equipped to handle those words now at my age. But Menopause, god help me! Lets not forget how I as a Butch tried to say the words Menstrual Cycle it just wouldn't come out of this mouth so I came up with my own word for it the "devil" The things that little thing does to a Butch every month is painstakingly hard to accept at a young age, hell even now. It's as if it's been a cruel joke for us Butches, Ftm's and anyone else that does not identify as femme. I have been putting off going to the Doctor for a very long time and well I know I have to swallow my pride and go. Because if I don't I may just lose my friends, family and possibly my job because of my emotions. Ok it's really not that bad but holy cats I can't stop crying.. lol I love my friends dearly and they know I'm going through this but I don't think they understand what it's "really" doing to me as far as my masculinity. Do any other Butches think it's a cruel joke? The mind games it plays on a butch, I can't even describe or put into words the mind games it plays. |
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That damn menopause thing isn't just a *femme* thing Strappie, it affects all of us who are women bodied and it's crazy and hard to go through and the damn hot flashes!!! ARGH! jelli's thread has some great tips for everyone going through this!!!
BUY A FAN!!! http://lh4.googleusercontent.com/pub...7zLt_wgymCTxxw |
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I guess what I am trying to get across is that Butches go through menopause differently than most. Maybe it is just me? I do think we are on a different level as far as what it does to us masculine folks mentally more than what menopause is or does on a daily basis for women in general. Do you agree or am I way off here? |
For me GTFU it isn't a Gender thing, it's something that connects a Gender to my mind...which is what makes me feels displaced. Because I don't use my physical being in determining my Gender. Good lawd I hope that made sense. :| :daywalker: |
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That is part of what the guys have been talking about over in the other thread. I am so thankful for anyone speaking up. ;) My Cruel who by the was her whole screen name is Cruel Joke. Anyhow, I would never assume the way I enter, go through, curse menopause is going to be anywhere near what man-o-pause may be for her. I do believe knowing what I have been through, as well as knowing my partner, allows me some insight on how better to help with the transition. Make sense? |
Mentally it it screws with me. I am butch I am masculine yet I have to go through this the same way as a g/f or a partner. And to hear those words say after you tell someone you can't sleep or you cry at the drop of a hat and they say... Oh you are going through menopause... uggghhh that's hard to hear!
It's a mental game being played... it's as if I have started puberty all over again in a butches body. |
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Physically... I say yes... we all go through it basically the same... Mentally... Hell NO |
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***cross posting**** Originally Posted by Corkey View Post I am a secure human, so I know this too shall pass and has nothing to do with how I am perceived. ***************** This was a perfect sentence to me. |
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I have ALWAYS told Cruel, "You are strong for me always. On the days when you are not at your strongest let me love you better/stronger." |
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I am not hear to debate whether or not you know how one feels towards this issue. I am merely trying to ask other masculine folks whether or not they too have issues with the fact that we have to once again go through this sort of thing. perhaps nobody else has these mental feelings towards "the change" perhaps it is just me? |
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So for your partner who has someone that can understand it fully what they are going through I am grateful they have that support! For me, I go it alone.... |
Strappie -
I know that going to the DR can be incredibly uncomfortable and scary but sweetie, PLEASE go. It is SO important to get those regular checkups so that you can be alerted to abnormal bloodwork or Cancerous cells. Please do this for yourself. I think I understand what you are saying about how the experience feels different to a Butch. You and I may have the same plumbing but my OBGYN is used to seeing women like me in the chair every day - I can imagine that the experience of being a Butch person and going through the same thing can feel really triggery or unsafe. I think this is especially true of Butches who do not feel especially connected to that part of their body. Get to the Doctor! Take a Sisterfriend or hell, make an appointment here in Little Rock and get a Butch buddy to go with you during the Reunion. Hell, make a field trip out of it and get a BUNCH of Butch buddies to go. This is necessary for your health and sanity and the people who love you want you to be healthy dammit! I support you! |
I dunno Strappie, I am male id and did'nt or don't cry like you and all that. Menopause, (hot flashes) and all, just came and went. I did'nt feel anything else different.
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Yes. the Doctor is in the works.. Finding one that "fits" for me and that I feel safe with is a very important thing. I don't have a primary doctor since my move up to the twin cities about 11 yrs ago so it is time I step up and take my health seriously and swallow my pride and get checked out. I started me research in finding one this weekend.
Thank you Medusa your words mean a lot! |
I get what you are saying Strappie! Even though I have had a hysto, I still have those little ovaries and they fuck with my hormonal levels, my mood, and good god, the hotflashes are HELL!!
A lot of women I know joke around about "the change", and it's not something I talk about with them when they are all talking about it. It's like you said, I am going through puberty all over again....when all the girls were getting their periods, they all talked openly about it and I was wanting to run and hide because it made me uncomfortable. Same deal really. I just don't like relating to anything....ANYTHING that has to do with female stuff....I have never even liked saying I am female. Checking the F box instead of M box kills me...let alone talking about hormones and hotflashes!! You can always call me if you need to vent or cry....though it might make me cry....it could get ugly...lol |
It's different for everyone. I was supposed to go through it after my radical hysterectomy, but I didn't feel any hot flashes or emotional stuff at all. And I refused to take the estrogen patches they gave me at the time. I am sorry your body is reacting that way, and good lawd I understand how hard it is as a masculine person with a female body to go to an ob/gyn and have them poke around at you. However, what Medusa said is a good idea: have a friend go with you for moral support. I am sending positive energy your way bud.
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Scrappie -
Jess and I have had recent conversations about menopause because I think (and I am certain Jess does too, however much in denial she may be) that its knockin' on Jess' door. Emotions all over the place and chugging away in the middle of the night like the lil heater that could. You might say that our bed has become a baptismal of sorts - and this aint the usual "girl watering the world" happy adult funtime kinda way! I know that Jess moves through the world differently and the monthly cycle is at the top of the list. All I can say is that Medusa is spot on about seeing a doctor and knowing that you have kindred spirits here. If you need to put a positive spin on it, at least this is the beginning of the end for periods! (BTW, as a smoker (not sure if you have been able to quit - I think you were trying?) - traditional HRC (hormone replacement therapy) is probably not a good fit for you. I don't claim to be a doctor, but I have had a stroke and that coupled with smoking, HRC will not be an option for me. Its my understanding that its not recommended for smokers, but I could be wrong. Please work with your doctor to find a treatment plan that is best for you!) Hang in there, stock up on kleenex, take up driving golf balls (great for those surges in anger), invest in that fan and most of all, be kind to yourself - cut yourself some slack. Much big gay love to you! |
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