What do you hope to see (and bring to) in a new relationship?
 

My thoughts are all over the map today, so please bear with me.

I have shared some in various threads on this site, and got to thinking about how those thoughts/feelings/memories/hopes/etc might actually be "playing" out there in cyber-world. I mean, I am a single woman who eventually would like to be in a relationship again. The things that I have shared so far WERE from me, they were from my heart, my head, my gut, and from my sex. I have shared on being a femme (and my path that I took to that place); on my favorite sports teams; on things and people that curl my toes and make my eyes roll back in ecstasy; on the pain of dreams lost and hopes of dreams yet to come.

I have shared in this anonymous world bits and pieces of my soul. That, in itself, would drive many to run to the hills. I mean hey, I may not ever meet any of you face to face, so what do I have to worry about? I can hide myself behind this screen, behind my words and pixels, be the funny/sexy/confident/bawdy/sweet woman that I think I am (well, at least MOST of the time!).

So here I was today, reading past posts of others in various threads, and got to thinking "you just posted something about the drama that is happening in your life right now.....why in God's name would any other woman want any part of you and your attached drama"?? There were posts, for example, that dealt with the effect of emotional baggage on a relationship.

So I guess my question (s) to you all deal with going into a new relationship.. is it a red flag or deal breaker if the woman you are looking at happens to not be currently in a "perfect" place? Is life baggage in a prospective partner just too much of an obstacle?

There is currently a thread on here about online vs real time... just makes me giggle to think about a sweet dear friend who delights me with her flirting. Got a message this morning about how HOT she thinks I am... and there I was, reading her words, sitting in bed taking a break from my Sunday paper, bed-head hair sticking up in all directions, jammies askew, morning breath... yep, pretty damned HOT, right?

Very thought provoking question there, APG! But very good!
For myself, what I want to see and hope to bring the same is...a genuine person...who can be herself...in any moment...who has a loving heart, moral compass, humor, emotionally/physically/romantically available...who is able to be open and communicate....able to be flexible...able to like/live/love with me. I am pretty simple...with pretty simple wants/needs.
Seeing her at her weakest, most vulnerable is when I am seeing her at her truest...accepting her for those moments. As you said, it is easy to hide ourselves behind the pixels/screen/anonymity of the cyberworld. Same can be said for real life as well. Meeting/being in real life..under ideal of circumstances "masks" one's truest of selves..to me anyway. For me, it is the barest of her soul, the deepest of her worries/fears/dilemmas and how she is then, that I can "see her clearly" ...same goes for myself..it is through the trials & tribulations of life when we are most bared...our rawest. I would rather see these things firsthand than to have a put on front.
As far as baggage goes, I read where someone said it best...to say one has no emotional baggage means either they haven't lived or loved....so we all have our baggage..it is what we decide to do with that said baggage that is important. Personally, the baggage I would prefer be checked at the door is the past....it's is gone, and at this point, should have been dealt with, moved past, and looking ahead. Healing from within for bad past relationships, exes just that...in the past...this is not to say that some aspects of pasts will not creep in...but is something two individuals would have to discuss privately, and I am most amenable to that! I am not so blind to think that we none of us have some issues from some point in our lives, if we have ever loved or have ever lived life!
For me, I was blessed with a wonderful LTR and have no negative baggage from that! I was left with a yearning, longing, loving heart...ready to be in love again..ready to step into life and love with someone...I have only goodness, healthy, positive, and loving in my heart! I was very blessed to have had that!
I bring the exuberance, the joy, the love, the committment, the loyalty to, the excitement to discover a new love. I bring a happy, loving, full, open heart...ready for someone to step in and light me up inside again..as I will her.
I bring the wonder, the awe, and the readiness to step into life again..and discover new love..and one another. I bring hope for a wonderful, long, loving US...and I bring honesty, respect for individuality, courtesy, confidence, willingness, fluidity, flexibility, friendship, and an incredible libido (wink) among a few things...I bring my hand...to offer you...are you ready to step into the sunset with me perhaps?
And APG....it is when she is just as you say you are this am, "vulnerable"......I am not looking at her outer features.....her "hotness" comes from within...when she is unaware of her vulnerabilities....that I find her most appealing, most alluring, when she is, as your friend said smoking HOT...it isn't about how she is dressed, or what she is doing, or if she may have morning breath or be barefoot in jammies....it is her soul, her heart, her spirit, her unawareness...that is MOST appealing to me..for I look within...just as we look at the proverbial cocoon..all we see is just a casing, an outer shell..BUT when that beautiful butterfly emerges...OMG! Is she ever HOT! and that, my friend is what I want to SEE, and have brought..just as I hope to also!I will accept at face value...if we were all perfect, life would be so fucking boring...I am up for "challenges" and welcome them! Give me the "unperfect" woman...every time! I will help her with her "luggage"! So NO it would not be a "red flag" for me nor would it be a "deal breaker". It is called life..and besides (things) LIFE is always better when shared, is my opine![/

Yes, we all have baggage and history and all that comes with just existing in the world. To expect that someone wouldn't have that is unreasonable at best, completely deluded at worst. :)

For someone who is single, and looking within this community, I think it's prudent to attempt some kind of balance when posting. At least be aware of the types of stuff that you are posting and the impression that you may be giving. I think that if someone is interested, there is a pretty good expectation that they will thread stalk you and read back over old posts. Will they see someone who is engaged with the community, having fun, making friends, etc. Or, will they see posts full of drama and angst and desperation?

I doubt that any of us can ever truly know how we are perceived online but I think the important part is that we present ourselves in as honest of a way as we can. Although that does not mean I have to post a picture of what my hair looks like when I first wake up in the morning!

The great thing about this type of online getting to know folks is if you are interested in someone, you can read them their words and see their online interactions, likes, dislikes, political and religious views and so on and so on. If one is transparent here then when you do get fortunate enough for it to become one on one communicating you know what you are getting, and then it blooms into either a relationship of love, friendship, kinship, or just someone you chit chat every so often here or there. I say have fun with it be super careful and enjoy! Good Luck!

Interesting thread APG :)

Like others have said, I think being honest is the most important thing; it lets others know who I am...let's me know who they are...and then we have a foundation for friendship or more or not.

I don't expect others to be perfect, or baggage free. Goodness knows I'm not! :blink:

Personally, someone who presented themselves as perfect, or who expected me to be, would be a huge red flag. Life isn't perfect, or even easy...and some times it's less easy than others. For me, the measure of a friendship, or a relationship, is not only how well do we do when things are easy and fun, but how well do we do when the shit hits the fan.

Having said that, what Gayla says is also true. If every single thing that someone posts is drama-filled or negative or "help me, I can't cope" or desperate....then that's a big red flag for me. Regular, healthy people (I think) have good days and bad ones, easy days and hard ones, funny moments and sad moments and brilliant moments and goofy moments....that's what keeps life interesting. :rrose: