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Couples- how did you meet your partner?
Okay so as much as I'm curious about how people form relationships and the nature of sexual attraction there's an ulterior motive behind this post. As a single femme I'm hoping your answers have some kind of educational value! Did most people meet their partners through butch/femme/FTM social networks (either formal or informal, online or offline) or through some other channel? The commercial lesbian/queer scene in my area doesn't seem to attract many butches or FTMs or butch/femme couples. Have any of the FTMs on the board found heterosexual partners outside of lesbian/queer communities? What initially attracted you to (or conversely, turned you off) your current partner?
For singles and couples- do you think it's possible (or even desirable) to de-centre ''the couple'' as the foundational unit of butch/femme culture or would doing so be kind of...I don't know...destabilizing? |
I met Paphigleo here. And on Dash. We had been aquaintances for year. One weekend I was very sick, and Nick was stuck at home because his Van was stolen. We began living in chat at dash and chasing each other in the threads here. We took a risk. And what we have now is awesome.
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I worked with Cynthia's sister and knew she existed, then finally met her one Halloween at a local bar when she handed me her leash. Heh.
A couple of years later I asked for her email address and after a while we ended up together for a year or so...we then broke up for five years, and got back together five years ago and have been happily together ever since. It has beena long jorney, but the think that I find most relevant is...we have always treated each other with respect. Even when I broke up with her, it was very respectful. No cheating, no dragging name through mud...etc. Respect is key. |
I met my wife through mutual friends, she was straight had a boyfriend so I just watched from afar for a while. At some point though I realized that she might like me so I took a chance and spoke my peace, and now we've been married for 3 years.
I still worship the ground she walks on and will forever be her soldier |
I met Bard on BF shortly after hy joined, but we were both in relationships and really only said hi in passing if we were in chat at the same time. Shortly after I got out of my relationship, hy PMed me just to say hi and see how I was doing. We spoke on yahoo a few times and decided we'd get together for lunch since we're from roughly the same area (ninety minutes apart).
Since that day we've spoken daily, together almost every week, and a year and a half later I have quit my job and moving in this week :) |
Tuff and I frequented the same lesbian chat room. While I am told hy noticed me right away, I was mostly oblivious of hym for several months. When hy finally did get my attention I was at a place where I didn't want a relationship. We talked and flirted and hy expressed an interest in something more, and I resisted even though we talked almost every day... in the end hy won me over. There hasn't been a day since then that we haven't talked. Six months later, Tuff just left after a 10 day visit with me and my children and is planning to move hymself and hys daughter out near us to continue our courtship and eventually combine our families.
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daisy and I met at the dash site. Instant attraction right away, but at first neither one of us wanted anything serious. Then I found I was falling in love with her. I asked her out in chat and we've been together ever since. Last October I moved from Alaska to here (Ohio) to be with her.
~SAB |
At my very first butch/femme dance! I was so nervous and scared! Greyson was so nice to me. He asked me to dance and talked to me all night. I thought he was such a gentleman and very sweet. The next morning I woke up and had a pm from him asking me out! He listened to me that night and planned an evening that he knew I would like. I was so overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness and confidence.
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I met my Kasey through Yahoo personals....long story short we have been together almost 8 years, legally married in California for 2 years.
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lol Wore her down was more like it!!! :| |
I saw Pete at a local women-owned café.
She was reading the paper, and drinking a latte, and wearing Dickies. I thought she was fabulously cute, and I swore that I would talk to her. I walked up to her and I stammered out a cockamamie reason to give her my email address. It was years later, or maybe two weeks, and she hadn't emailed me. One afternoon I was grading papers in the same café and She came up to me with a teeny tiny cupcake to apologize. She had washed her pants with my email address in the pocket. She asked me for my number, and She called me when she was driving home to Western Mass from her father's wedding in Florida. My handsome beautiful Pete and I have been dating since December. |
on another bf site.
we'll be together 2 years next month! :rrose: |
The first time I saw hym was when I was organizing a leather conference - I introduced myself and made small talk to be cordial and welcoming. About a month later I got dumped by then 3 year relationship. About a month after that I was at a gathering and this butch was there, we talked and hung out and my interest was definitely 'sparked'. I sent an e-mail to a mutual friend inquiring and received an e-mail back just a couple days later by the butch of interest. It's all history now and we are very much in love and it's to date the best and most fulfilling relationship I have ever experienced... it's been close to eight months and I've never been happier.
We are a butch-femme couple with relational dynamics within the bdsm realm. Our dynamics are not within the mainstream butch-femme culture as we play a lot within a Mommy/boi, daddy/boi context/relationship. I say not mainstream within the butch-femme culture because the majority tend towards the butch being the top/daddy/sir and the femme being girl/bottom/submissive. You will see that most of the 'threads' within the leather forums are geared more towards daddy/girl than mommy/boi or daddy/boi. So, that is my reason for saying that we aren't within the mainstream. We are in the mainstream of butch-femme culture in that hy is butch and I am femme and it's quite obvious from outward appearances and internal being/attitudes with a slight 'twist'. |
Organic and I were in relationships with other people when we were introduced to one another, so neither of us paid much attention to the other, other than the cordial hello and how are you.
Time passed, and we were no longer in our relationships, but still only friendly. Then Bessie (my computer), began giving me serious trouble. A mutual friend of ours told me to call him since he's a tech guru. I did, and over time we talked quite a bit. Bessie's a bit ornery, one might say, so I needed a lot of tech support. So, he'd hook into my system and look around and we'd occasionally fight over who had control of the mouse. :blink: I moved to Austin immediately before the reunion and he helped me find my way to my destination. After seeing me in two day old clothes, no make up, hair all frizzy, sweaty and cursing up a storm, he was still interested. That told me right there that Organic was a keeper. :cheesy: We grew closer through the Reunion and, now that we both are in Texas, we have the chance to further explore and enjoy one another. Organic, however, says it was an arranged marriage. :blink: |
I met her on gay.com back when it was the happenin' site! :) She lived 3 hours south of me and we met after a few weeks. I fell head over heals in love with her...we got married in our church and raised her 2 boys together..after 12 years we split up and stayed on very friendly terms..the way i see it...she was my best friend for 12 years and i wasn't willing to give that up! so alas i'm a single skeeter now...enjoying being single but would REALLY love to date and have fun! that's the plan anyway! ;) |
Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories.
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Story A.
I purchased Mister Bent in an overseas flea market/sex auction. I got him and a great turkish area rug for cheap! Story B. Mail order bride, I believe the site was called www.prettypeoplefromukraine.com. Yes, he's from the Ukraine. His real name is Benthuslav. Story C. Came with the house I bought. Original owners left him in the garage. Story D. FreeCycle. No explanation needed. |
1-800-big-daddi:sunglass:
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hey, me too! I opted for the *dial 0 for further assistance* so I did.... and Hy did.... and we did, again and again. :fallenangel: |
Goof came pre-assembled and potty-trained. The manual was easy to read, and he even had his own tools for repairs.
What more could I ask for? Actually, the story is pretty boring. We ran around in the same circle for two years. Our friendship grew. Sometimes it feels like we've been together forever, sometimes it feels like we just met. I love our unpredictability. The OP said: " For singles and couples- do you think it's possible (or even desirable) to de-centre ''the couple'' as the foundational unit of butch/femme culture or would doing so be kind of...I don't know...destabilizing I certainly don't feel like I have to be part of a couple to "be" a femme. For me, there is nothing foundational about being in a couple. My "femme-ness" doesn't reside within "us," but within me. |
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