Not the best of two worlds - a whole other galaxy. :)

Some people just can't move beyond a dominant culture, gender paradigm.

Butches do it to other butches, too.

I went to dinner with a "straight" woman from work last night.
After dinner we ended up at the river watching the big old blue moon rise.
I kissed her, she kissed me back. hehe.

A Femmes greatest cheerleader
 

:cheerleader:


FEMMES,FEMMES,FEMMES

They make my heart go BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

:hk19:

AMEN BROTHER, AMEN !

I don't know.I guess some straight women are naturally drawn to anyone that looks and acts masculine...maybe being with me they did have the best of both worlds.With my current gf,i'd say the same could ring true...I was attracted to her femininity,even though she is not a femme...she's definitely a lesbian,though.

How come this statement makes me sad?...*shrugs*

I think it became chic to for straight women to have lesbian flings around the time Ellen DeGeneres came out, then Sex and the City had Samantha go through a phase with that gorgeous artist, Maria, played by Sonia Braga.
The scene where Maria ejaculated into Samantha's face was the funniest thing I'd seen all year.
Carrie made out with a woman (details evade me) and even Miranda tried it but it wasn't for her. In real life, however, she married a butch.
Back in the disco era, when sex was mostly recreational for many of us, I had a few flings with straight women. But once I matured and added a spiritual facet to sex and insisted that love be part of lovemaking (more often than not), I realized I was like a cat toy or an experiment for them, and it made me feel slightly used. Besides, I'm not a stone butch, so it was often unfulfilling after they had been satisfied.
I slept with a bisexual woman not long ago and it was not much fun. I kept worrying that she'd give me an STD or some rashy thing she got from a guy.

I think you need to actually read up on STDs. Hint: if you can catch an std frm a bisexual woman, she can catch an std from you. Extra hint: why aren't you having safe sex and instead blaming cooties on someone else's vajayjay?

I'm sorry, this made me laugh my butt off!

I know what you mean though. I've had a few experiences where the other person was my cat toy as well, although we both knew what the deal was and it was all good.

This particular woman had been quite sexually active the long time I had known her, and in fact she had been treated for STDS several years ago in the past. Her behavior made me suspicious of most bisexuals.
I'm not a blamer; I take responsibility for my own actions. I have never had an STD of any kind because I have been careful.
Statements like, "..."instead of blaming cooties on someone else's vajayay" and telling me "what I need to read up on..."
seemed awfully judgmental considering I don't know you and you don't know me, what I do, or what I studied in college.
I thought about replying for quite a while, because I'm not looking to make enemies or get into cat fights on the site.
However, reading your comment again weeks later, it still seems like you were being snippy & presumptuous.
Can we start from scratch or would you prefer to scratch my face in that catfight I mentioned?

It means if you can catch something from her, you aren't using safe sex, and as far as she knows she could catch something from you too.

You didn't say "this particular bisexual woman" you said "I slept with a bisexual woman"

Those are two very different sentences. If the person's sexuality did not have context in terms of getting an STD, why would you say her sexuality? Would you say "I slept with a lesbian and I was afraid of getting an STD"? Probably not, you'd likely leave her sexuality out of the sentence.

Using the word "bisexual" to connote a link to "std" is common.

Which is why I sniped. I personally think you are being slippery and disingenuous because the way you have constructed your sentences seems to point to STD and bisexual being linked.

And now you are trying to wiggle out of it.

I'm just some snipey biatch on the net so, I'm sure you don't give a toss, but you asked, so I'm giving you an answer.

If you are in a situation wherein you can catch an STD off someone, whether they have one or not, you are NOT having safe sex. You are saying "ew this scary bisexual coulda given me an std" and my point is "dude. Self responsibility. Have safe sex and you can't blame anyone." Get me, yet?

If you are confused as to the various different ways to protect yourself from various different STDs with female-female sexual relations, I can post a link.

This thread initially set me on edge...cause as everyone knows, if you're looking to be offended by something, you'll find it...and sure enough, offense happened...lol...lots of it...

I think why I have a problem with questions like this is because I apparently don't look at sexuality the same way as some other people...I firmly believe that people live all along the Kinsey scale and their location may change considerably through their life.

I also believe that a "truly" straight woman isn't going to date a woman, butch or no. My friend is a truly straight woman - if you feel nothing but embarrassment and awkwardness when another woman is face down in your vagina, you're straight as an arrow. She gave it a shot (mostly for her husband), but it wasn't her thing. A lot of others can't even muster the interest to go that far. I've been working on this one cute little thing for months to no avail. My and my butch's attention boosts her self-esteem and helps her feel important but there's zero chance her porch door will ever swing our way.

That being said, I think (luckily for us) quite a few people are spread further along the Kinsey scale. My best friend in my 30s had previously had only relationships with men, but it took me roughly twice to get her naked. She was definitely not on the far end of the Scale.

On one hand, it's very important to be respectful of how people self-identify...if they do at all. On the other hand, you also need to realize that straight, and any other label, may not be the same to all people.

That's why I think questions like this put me so on edge. Too many generalizations when there are untold amounts of different variations of sexuality and desire. It's like trying to take people off the Scale and shove them into five or six boxes. Here, you're straight. Oh, you...you're Trans; you go here...Ooooh a bi girl; get in this one...etc etc

I think that's one of the main things that causes such confusion. We don't allow people to step outside their boxes at all without judgement and the need to find out exactly why they don't fit in these limited descriptions of what sexuality is. So, I don't know...that "straight" girl you're banging? Probably not as straight as you're imagining. And there's not a thing in the world wrong with that.

Okay I, want to clear this up once and for all. Because I was worried about contracting possible STDs from this one particular bisexual woman, we had safe sex and even then I was still feeling a little hinky about it so I stopped engaging altogether with this woman. I don't need to learn more about STD's or safe sex. I am not slippery, disingenuous or wiggling.
:seeingstars:

I read an interesting study, which I have been trying to find to post here. I'll keep looking, but the premise of the study was that women are either bi-sexual or gay....rarely ever simply straight.

I have heard this before so the theory is not a new one, but the study was a very interesting read.

I'll look forward to reading it when you find it!
I worked in retail because I'm a people person and really enjoy interacting with others! I am very obviously! I mean if you looked up the word lesbian no doubt you'd see my picture next to the definition! When straight women sort of 'cozyed up to me" I always dismissed it as the curiosity factor! I thought getting involved with a straight woman was nothing more than a recipe for disaster! Maybe I shouldn't of dismissed it so fast after all.

I have been attracted to butches ( I just called them 'tomboys' before I knew what a butch was) since puberty. Before puberty I was attracted to boys in a sort of general way. Meaning, I never imagined being naked with a boy...lol. My romantic daydreams played out something like a Disney movie. I have dated a few men in my life. Does that mean I'm bi? Not even a little bit. Life doesn't come with instructions, ya know...People are complex. I hate how we pigeonhole each other...

I'm still almost exclusively attracted to butches though I 'notice' hot femmes as well. I just don't want to date a femme. My main femme crushes are straight celebrities like the UFC girls. It's strange for me because I'm a total pacifist, but some of them make me a little giddy. I don't know why...

I'm having trouble linking and copying....google "women are either bi-sexual or gay" it was a study published in the UK on November 5th.

Actually, the original research said no such thing. The science reporting took info and ran with it. I thought it sounded really suspicious so I read the actual research and not the reporting of it.
It's not what people are hyping it to be.

I thought Kinsey cleared all this up in the 1940's, no?

Almost EVERYBODY is a lil' gay...

Bumping this thread as I recall recent posts regarding co-works coming on to them !

Nope, no straight or bi women for me. <-- I'm aware that's not always a popular position to take. For some it's viewed as prejudicial. Shrug! Even so... I figure relationships between lesbian women are dramatic enough... I don't feel the need to feed that fire with additional dynamics.

Last year I learned a two new words... hetroflexable and homoflexible. Meh?! :o

Can you elaborate on additional dynamics?

Sure :)

Let me preface first by saying the best advise pops ever gave me was that life was too hard, too fast, too rough... too whatever... for anyone to rely on learning just from one's own mistakes. Better to learn too from the mistakes made by those around you. So...

When I was in my 20's I, like many of my butch friends, we were primarily interested in looks... gay ... bi... straight... didn't matter. If they were cute, if they were hot, we were game! I dated a few straight and bi women ... and it always turned into one mess or another. Within a few days... or a few weeks... I'd hear...

1. Oh no, I have a boyfriend!
2. You're sweet... but... umm.... I'm gonna go back to my boyfriend.
3. I just wanted to see what it was like.
4. It was a mistake... it was a sin!

After that happened to me.... maybe the second or third time... I swore ... more or less mockingly/jokingly.... off bi/straight women! I say mockingly/jokingly as if... I would really stay away from cute hot, girls of any preference! <-- Keep in mind I was in my 20's...young... dumb and full o'... :p

Anyway, so while I was in my "I'll never touch a straight / bi chic again!" funk... my butch friends weren't! They just continued on their not so merry way ... banging their heads against the same walls... over and over again. I watched and I learned. They all got the same responses I got along with lots of BS from the ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends who were typically lurking SOMEWHERE in the picture.

Guys are ...usually... fine if it's two femmes together but when it's his femme and a butch... nope, that's not okay!! My fellow butch friends would tell me how they'd get asked about packing.... asked what did they do to her... asked how big was their cock... if they were lucky... dumb ass questions were all they got. Some were not so lucky. I had two butch friends threatened and one beaten up by an ex-boyfriend. So, my half joking swear-off from bi's and straight women twenty years ago became permanent. No offense intended to anyone. You be you and I'll be me. :)

Simply put... I just find it unnecessary or worth the potential hassle that can come from it. There are plenty of wonderful lesbian women out there who share my culture ... my history... my experiences...etc... etc... which puts us much closer being on the same page than does straight or bi women.


EDIT: p.s. I'm assuming by "straight" we mean first-timers?

No no talking about first timers. Well I'm not, at least.

I absolutely agree that you be you and I'll be me.

In the interest of bisexuals though, I don't see them belonging lumped together with straight women. Half the time straight women don't belong lumped together with straight women.

But as far as straight women, I have had good and bad experiences so I totally get why someone might have a no dating policy when it comes to straight women. However, I have enjoyed a few wonderful relationships with bisexual women, relationships I am so grateful to have had. One in particular lasted over 6 years and taught me so much. The relationship taught me so much and the woman taught me even more. It would have been sad to have missed those experiences.

However, as you so aptly stated you be you and I'll be me. I just wanted to throw that out about bisexuality. Being bisexual is not the same as being heterosexual

Thank you! My gf is bisexual and she doesn't like being lumped in with straight women.

Live and let others live. Let everyone be with whomever they choose to pursue, for whatever reason, reasons are theirs and theirs alone.

We all have our own sets of experience-based beliefs and prejudice, consciously or unconsciously driven predispositions to time after time choose a certain type, for whatever that "type" may be.

Everyone is entitled to their preferences, but there are a lot of negative stereotypes about bisexuals that get perpetuated and that is not cool.

I prefer to be with a lesbian or queer-identified femme (which could definitely include a woman who is bisexual), but everyone has their own identity and personal journey they are on, so I stay open. Some women do come out later in life.

I agree x four! :)

If not straight as in first timers, what then?

Every generalization leads to stereotyping, and in my humble opinion generalizing (whether we infer it to be positive or negative in its nature) always harms its subject, as it invokes unfair judgment through a biased lens.

Coming out has nothing to do with who or what one is. The question of "outness" pertains to one's public transparency about their most inner self, that they may or may not feel compelled to advertize.

One's sexual orientation thus remains a unique personal state advertised or not.

I am a woman who has always loved butches. I have never been with a bio man ever - don't get me wrong I am by no means proud of myself over this fact, in fact I spent years being shamed by friends and acquaintances within our own community, telling me how I don't "really" knowing who I am because I haven't "tried it all"... :blink:

Speaking of out I have been outed by , at the time, self proclaimed "bisexual" friend in collage. It took me years to wash my brain off of the harsh biases earned by this one incident. Strangers always assume that I am straight, yet I know that this is my life, I CANNOT for the love of g-d I cannot change who I am, I wish I could , life would have been so much easier now wouldn't it? At the time of my wonderful outing, I felt such deep sense of betrayal by a friend who at the time chose to ID as "bisexual" / bi-curious? maybe... I felt like, oh nice you can hang out here while it's cool, then when things get though you can run right back across that bridge and watch us burn!? I cannot do that, this is my life, this is the one life I live and one skin I have, I cannot shed it, no matter how hard I might try... This does not reflect my current state of mind, I am using the narration above solely as a stylistic tool. Anyways decades later , that "friend" is happily married to a man, has a wonderful suburban home two kids and a dog and is, wait for it... a devoted Christian anti-lgbt activist! Who would have guessed it? Ha!

On the other hand I am still here holding my butch tightly, when we travel through hostile places around the world, or at home. Political and social struggle continues, few battles might have been won but the war is not over yet, for any basic human rights, we are far away from social freedom. Do I worry about my own safety, maybe, at times, I "pass" as straight, ppl assume, ppl cannot guess, what they don't know cannot hurt me, it's fine. However, I am not the one who walks around with a huge target on my forehead, my butch and all the butches out there are. This is my personal experience, around the world butches are the prime object of hate, as they represent a direct threat to misogynist patriarchal society... Anyways that's a digression so back to the subject.

Now, I am aware of my own biases, it took me years to wash my brain off of generalized notion that all of "them" "bi-curiours" people are simply "undecided" "explorers". Just because my former friend from collage was a person of certain character flaws, this does not mean that "all of them" are!
I am sure that every butch and femme and queer and trans and any which kind of human out there has their own negative experience and their own story. Maybe just maybe negativity can be an exception and positivity could be a rule?

Let's liberate ourslves from this "us" versus "them" predicament. We're all human, be who you are, do what and who you like, be happy, live and let others live! :)

I met many wonderful bi-sexual, pan-sexual and every which way sexual and asexual people out there, who for one reason or another may or may not fit the mold and are who they are, with no less integrity by any means than any other lesbian, gay, straight, queer, trans, bi, or whatever in -between, pink and polka dotted human alien person.

Love, peace and kind regards to all! <3

Generalizations lead to alienation. Imo that's why we as a community have a problem with the non gltbqi community. But back to this topic, don't lump bisexuals with heterosexual because 9 times out of 10 they don't appreciate being lumped.

Plus if you stick to your guns about not dating a bisexual woman, you may miss out on a wonderful partner.

My bad... i refreshed my memory re: the original post.

Straight women hold no particular fascination for me. I tend to find most women fascinating... particularly femmes, whether they be gay, straight, bi or anywhere in between.

I second this!!! :cigar2:

I've thought it really the opposite. There is some... albeit tiny... basis in fact for every stereotype and it's from stereotyping that we begin to generalize.

Someone posted that straight women can be fun, but I would like to add that they can also be dangerous.The problem for me was that they were married..some with husbands and small children.I never once assumed that she loved me enough to run off and leave behind her family.I knew they were straight because they'd be the first one to break it off.I still had fun,i'm pretty sure they did.

I myself am not bi-sexual,but I am super curious about some people that I meet in my life and sometimes this leads (for me anyways) wanting more than friendship..no strings attached..and afterwards we can both remain being friends or, part and go on our merry way.

I find women attractive by the energy they give off, like my girlfriend. That gay, queer, femme, or 'other' energy that doesn't belong, ya know? So, for me, straight women do not possess this energy. I've never dated a non-homosexual woman. Have dated a closeted woman (did not last long).

I have cordial relationships with straight women; like friends and coworkers.

I am naive maybe. How would I tell the difference between someone who is straight and perhaps experimenting, versus someone who is coming to terms with their identity later in life? I suppose time will tell. I haven’t been anyone’s first since high school, but I’ve fallen for someone...

I had as similar experience as above!

When I worked at the video store I had a customer who seemed 'very friendly" , gave me a $25 gift certificate with a box of Fango mints for Christmas, and once sent me flowers for Easter. She always ended up in my check out line whenever she came to the store and would often ask me for movie recommendations. I was totally gaga for her but still I never perused things.

I was pretty sure she was involved with one of the assistant coaches for an NBA team so that always made me leary but it baffled me as well!

It remains a mystery to this day! If I had to guess, I would have to say she might of been exploring options later in life!