Stone--Personal Definitions
 

well said.

MY stone relates to who I am sexually in terms of boundaries in bed, plus the type of energy that is exchanged in bed.

I tend to see MY stone as being more of an adjective (in some ways), as it describes behavior, but there is a gender ID to it as well...but yes, hard to explain.

I am looking forward to reading this thread, thanks for starting it. I hope it remains a positive, supportive thread, throughout.

It means that I have boundaries, places that a partner isn't allowed to touch me because it is feminizing to me. Those same places might not be feminizing to someone else or to their last partner, they are my places and they are no touch zones.

I think sometimes I might use it as a gender marker so to speak to let folks know that if they have any interest in me relationship wise, they need to know up front I am stone. It's only fair, to be honest about those thing to start with.

Great thread Ma'am

There is no gender marker to it for me. Being a stonefemme is all about sexual boundaries for me. I don't think I was always like this, but I'm honestly not sure. It would be too long and too personal to try to explain that here, so you can just take my word for it.

I discovered that there was a thing called a stonefemme ID because a friend told me about it a few years ago. You can imagine how much that twisted my absolutely lesbian feminist mind. I still have mixed feelings and I wish that I were, well, more versatile. This is who I am now. I work hard to accept it and myself.

My boundaries are around touching or penetrating my partner's genitals. To a lesser extent I'm not able to play with a partner's breasts. I have a wonderful time with butch cock. I'm tremendously responsive and very active in bed. I just can't... go there. And I don't know if there's even a 'why'. I just can't.

I ID strongly as a lesbian. (Does that count as a gender?) I play and partner with butch women. I'm not at all interested in men, so I don't date trans guys. Needless to say, my dating pool is rather small. Sigh.

I am a stone butch. Stone for me is about my sexual preferences and who I am as a sexual being. It doesn't determine who I have sex with. It is about what I enjoy sexually, which does include boundaries, as well as energy exchange (very big for me).

In addition to being a Stone Butch I am also a lesbian, woman and female. For me, being a stone butch has nothing to do with being worried someone will "feminize me." It has to do with what I choose as my preferred energy exchange, sexual boundaries and overall sexual enjoyment. I am masculine. No one can feminize or masculinize me by how they have sex with me.

i'm femme and i've been with a few butches with personal sexual-boundaries. i can't even remember if they called themselves 'stone'. but the self-identifying-'stone' butches i have been with all defined stone way differently: for some it was about breasts, others vagina, others about just respecting their body and following their lead as far as what was cool, what wasn't so cool--and what was 'no way' --usually the butt, a lot of people have some butt-boundaries (and i even think that this one butch had herpes and that was her way of navigating sex stuff.)


personally, i've only been *stone* when i'm just not that into who's fucking me; somehow that goes over better than 'could you come over and do me and then go home because i can barely stand you, but i'm single and you'll do.'



oh and i have to just add a little aside: there is no feminizing touch, you think rubbing a clit in a circular motion vs. an up and down motion 'feminizes' someone? if that's true--that's a REAL delicate butch (with regards to their masculinity) that you've got on your hands, as it were.

This definition pretty much sums it up for me also, Thank's Blade.

As a young kid I always worried about what girl is going to want to be with me, because I didn't have the right equipment.

Just a little aside? I am not sure why you would post that. It is to me downright rude after others have come before you to share their personal feelings on what stone means.

The problem with threads about stone is that we stones all pretty much more or less understand what we mean by "feminizing"; though the exact specifics can vary from person to person, there's a general nod of "yeah". Invariably, though, someone who is not stone will come in and make a stink or demand some textbook definition or say something derogatory, and then the whole discussion turns to shit.

Hello everyone :rrose:

I've been reading this thread because I've been trying to understand the concept of "stone" better. I know that I'm not...just trying to wrap my brain around it.

So I have a, perhaps silly, question. I'm hearing that for most people it seems to be a sexual boundary issue rather than an identity issue.

Are there some out there for whom it is an identity...say comparable to butch or femme? And for whom sexual boundaries maybe don't apply or are a lesser consideration than the identity? And, if there are, what does that mean to you?

I'm not sure if this is very clear...it's one of those "don't know what I don't know" moments for me...

For me, "Stone" is about my gender. My gender is Femme--specifically, Stonefemme. It encompasses who I am and how I live my life, how I carry myself as a female-bodied person in this world; it's about boundaries, energy flows, and respect.

For me, being a Stonefemme is natural. It makes me flexible. (Yeah, I know, nobody thinks of Stones as flexible--surprise!) It means that I am able to fit well with partners who have varied gender and sexual identities.

It also means that respect is at the heart of everything I do, respect for myself and my boundaries--not just sexual, but relationship and social as well--and respect for my partner and his (or her) boundaries; as well as respect for the people around us and their relationship and social boundaries. They can keep their sexual lives to themselves, tyvm... but then, that IS a part of my social boundaries to be private about sex. You might not think so if you've known me online for very long, but this is a different space and dynamic, not at all the same here where we're analyzing/dissecting/discussing our identities and lives as, say, the neighborhood association meeting tonight!

So yes, for me, Stone is a gender ID and it encompasses WAY more than sexual boundaries. Yes, I can respect any no-fly zones. Yes, I understand how to speak and act in ways that support my partner's sexual and gender identities. Yes, I am flexible enough to be able to partner with people who might have vastly different no-fly zones--or whose no-fly zones might change over the course of the relationship.

No, sexual boundaries are not the be-all and end-all of my identity, nor are they most important part of being Stone for me. Stonefemme is a big huge identity; the word is about the totality of who I am. It's not one small limited piece of my life... it's the over-arching framework that fits into the world and makes space for me.

how is that a little aside? oh. you're mocking my choice of words.

at any rate, i don't know how i could have been more personal in my explicit sharing of how i define stone.

sorry, i guess this is one of those instances where someone (me) isn't doing it right.*

*i've never, however, had anyone leap from my bed because they felt that i was feminizing them (read: not doing it right).

please carry on, i have no desire to turn this thread "to shit" by either defending my definition of stone or by the fact that i have zero desire to have *stone* be a part of my personal identity.

Yeah ok back to OP.