National Coming Out Day 10/11! What's Your Story?
 

National Coming out Day is Tuesday, Oct. 11. Founded in 1988 by Robert Eichberg, a psychologist from New Mexico, and Jean O'Leary, an openly- gay political leader from Los Angeles, the date was chosen to commemorate the anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights.

To celebrate National Coming Out Day, is there someone or a group of people you would like to come out to-but have not yet done so?

What was coming out like for you? Who did you tell first? Are you still coming out (it can be a life-long process).

PS: Coming out applies to you no matter how you ID if BFP is your home-away-from-home!

It's funny b/c I still cannot talk about it to many--even though, it has been over ten years.

I might be able to do the bare bones of it.

2002--I was 32 and had only been with one other woman for a year before this scenario.


Characters: Catholic Mother--Me

Restaurant--her and myself having a bday lunch (we are two days apart in the same month)

She asked how my *friend* was...and then proceeded to ask where she slept when she visited me (she was living in a different province at the time).

I replied, "Oh, so you know that we are more than friends..."

Her response: "WHAT?!?!?!?! You are kidding me; tell me you are joking!"

My response: "No. I though you KNEW!! Why would you ask her sleeping arrangements, if you didn't. etc etc"

Mom's response: "OMG. You HAD BOYFRIENDS!!!"

My response: "Yes...and now I don't...and exactly what IS your problem that M. is my lover?"

Her response: "It's against the CATHOLIC Church!"

My response: "And so was me sleeping with the past boyfriends, but you got used to that!"

Her response: "YOU ARE NOT GAY! People KNOW when they are/you were NOT born that way...." (still working on that as I believe women's sexuality is quite complicated, but what can you do when the meme is you are BORN that way.)

My response: I left the restaurant.

MOM left and knocked on my apt where my partner was sitting there and she proceeded to tell my gf how SELFISH I was and had always been. That's another story.

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Conclusion: It got better from there.
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That is ONE of the coming out stories...of course, we do it over and over and over...i have tonnes of them, but that is the one that stands out in my head.

I came out to my 2 daughters first because they asked me why my girlfriend-my first "real" one, slept in my bed with me and why we were kissing. They must have been 7 and almost 6.

I said I loved her. They said OK. it did not bother them until they were pre-teens and knew what it really meant. Then it upset them because they wanted a hetero family like most of their friends. By the time they were in their late teens, they thought it was cool.

Then I told my brothers. They were 19 & 13. Neither cared until I told my parents and then all hell broke loose. WWIII freakout on mom's part. She did not talk to me for 15 years and my bros saw my rejection by our parents and didn't want any part of it so they sided with mom & dad joined in. I understand that, really.

One time, just a major coincidence, one year that my long-term butch and I were vacationing in Hawaii and we were in a store and who should walk by but my mother! My parents were there @ the same time. She walked right by me. I turned around and said: "Mom!" but she kept on walking! Yes, she saw and heard me.

Not invited to my brothers weddings as they got older or any family function. My girls also were rejected.

Now that they are in their 80's, it is an uneasy peace. They ask me zero about my life and do not want to hear anything about my being gay whatsoever. I accept them as they are as they are too old to change now.

My brothers both live out of state and we rarely speak.

The Waltons-we are not.

Today I was teasing the owner of the gallery where my work is represented, telling her that if it weren't for the fact that I'm gay and she's straight I would rub her til all her lupus pain went away......we both laughed. Then she said, "Oh isn't today National Coming Out Day?" and we laughed and laughed some more....she is one of those cool straight people. It's been a nice coming out day

NCOD 2011
 

I decided to come out to my best friend, who lives in another state and who I thought had no clue what I was doing on a B-F site, or any lesbian site for that matter. Up to then, I'd told her everything that was going on, and this felt like a whole secret life.

I said, "K, I have something to tell you. I realized I am gay". She answered, "I thought so all these years (45 years of friendship!), but didn't want to pry". K is devoutly Catholic, and I'm Jewish, but that and my being gay doesn't make one iota of difference.

When I started attending the synagogue I go to now, I wanted to tell the rabbi so that if he had some objection, he could get it out and I could keep searching. I said, "There's something you need to know. I'm..not straight". His answer? "I knew that's what you were going to say". I found later I wasn't alone.

I came out, differently, this year. I had pidgeon holed myself into categories that I thought were flexible but were really just substitutes for other rigid labels I was born into. I think over the years, I just wore my labels down like you do leather..rub and rub and rub until the hardness softens..(my name!)...and what comes along eventually is something so much easier to wear.

My coming out was rather traumatic lol.

I was 21 at the time (1991) - unemployed and living part time with my mom and part time with a really good friend whom I considered my older sister.

I had the realization that I was in love with one of my best friends, and she with I... we decided to act on those feelings after an all night conversation about the ramifications etc. We decided to keep it to ourselves until we grew comfortable with the situation.

Three days later my mom found a letter we had exchanged, one that was actually completely innocent - but she read everything into it and confronted me.

Now when I say confronted I should clarify. She lured me would be more accurate. For 3 hours she talked about how if I were in a relationship with Kimm I should just tell her, it was no big deal, etc etc Finally I caved and admitted it.

She exploded. For the rest of the evening she yelled and screamed. Called my really good friend who I lived with part time - and told her. (she ended up kicking me out). The next day she called my Kimm's parents and told them.

Kimm and I were semi long distance. I lived in Atlanta and she went to college about 2 hours out - and her parents lived 2 hours out on the completely opposite side of the city. This was a good thing as her father threatened to shoot me if I came near their house again. (I didn't for quite a while, opting instead to visit her at college)

My mom called me an abomination, said she wished she'd had an abortion - and everything else she could think of to sling at me.

It was a shit storm for close to a year...



Fast forward to about 9 years ago. My younger brother came out. Since then my mom has thought being gay is just uber cool and the best thing since sliced bread. :|


I guess you take it where you can get it.


And as everyone else has stated - that is just one story... slightly traumatic lol

coming out to my daughter was not an issue. She was wee when I started dating females. She was coloring at the kitchen table when I told her I was going to start dating women, like our friend Cheryl did. She didnt even look up when she asked me, "like Lani?" yep, I said. She kept coloring and told me she liked Lani.

Now at the age of 27, over the years when i date someone she asks me this:"are they male or female, and were they born that way?" Talk about asking for a legacy in a nutshell! And she only really wants to know so she can be sensitive about it.

kids, when expected to grasp socialization of values, will. As long as you do first and along with them....

I never got to come out, I was more so outed, which was hard

bump even though it's a bit late
 

So, I was 16 or 17 and was driving my dad somewhere. For some unknown reason, he pops open the glove compartment. Inside the glove compartment were library books about homosexuality. I quickly slammed the glove compartment shut, but he just opened it right back up and asked me if I was a homosexual. I said the books belonged to a friend, which may have been true (I remember going to the library together but I don't remember which one of us had the courage to check the books out). Regardless, a lecture about homosexuality and how it was okay for friends and acquaintances but NOT for their daughter ensued. Over the next few years, I became more accepting of myself. I even co-founded a lesbian sorority. While I was in college, I brought the subject up with my parents again and said I was gay. There was some disappointment, but no big negative reaction. Today, I make no effort to hide the fact that I am gay.

I came out at the age of 38, chucking aside a perfectly fine marriage with a perfectly fine man. Except it all was a lie.

My Dad passed away before I could tell him, and my mom said “oh, ok”. My sister was furious and didn’t speak to me for weeks...she finally told me that she was upset because I hadn’t told her sooner that I was living a lie.

No one in my family cared one way or the other, in fact I have a lesbian cousin who came out before I did.

I really feel badly for all of you who did not have support from the very people who were supposed to have your backs no matter what.

Oh...gosh, it's been an long and winding road for me.

Two school aged friends, Ingrid (from school) and Marv-a (from church).... we nearly always were doing something together and our families knew each other, but none of us had any vocabulary or exposure in social ways to put an finger on it, until probably in our high school years.

We all knew we were different from others in our social groups at school or at church.

My two friends came out during their early 20s.....I don't think I came out until I was in my late 20s, early 30s.

I felt safe among trusted friends, but my family was furious with me. Years later, my youngest brother who is nearly 15 years younger (the baby of the family) was gay since day one. By the time he came out about being gay, my family readily accepted his being gay. Not so, for me tho.

I've created my own supportive set of family and friends, so I'm not dependent on acceptance by members of my natural birth family.

Interestingly, my friend Marv-a and her partner have been together for a few years now, but we've been friends since 2nd grade and still very close after all these years. Ingrid died from Brain cancer a few years ago, but we were very close from 1st grade to 12th grade. Ingrid is survived by her only partner who lives in the bay area.

Of the three of us, I'd say Ingrid was accepted first by her family, but Marv-a didn't find acceptance from her family readily, nor did I.

Sometimes, it feels like I come out more often than I would like to, but I'm grateful for acceptance by chosen family and friends. They've been my lifeline all these years, particularly my childhood friend who lives in Kansas.

Heh. I couldn't come out as female until I knew that transitioning was an option, which happened when I was 28. At that point I was still very naieve and confused about my sexuality, but assumed in my naievete that I'd end up a hetero woman. But my libido had faded to almost nothing a couple of years before, and didn't reawaken for another few years. When it did, to my great surprise, I realised I was at the very least waaaay more interested in women than in men. I did have some limited experiences with men, sufficient to prove to me that guys are not my thing, even though I can find some very charming. My first (and so far only) lesbian relationship was everything that I wanted of relationships - well, until we started to drift apart, anyway :-}

Coming out as lesbian was no big deal for me, though, it was greatly overshadowed by my being MTF, which has caused me far more problems. I like being lesbian, too, in and of itself - I've always felt great affinity for other women - it's just an absolute bastard being MTF with it. Or was back then, and I'm still trying to overcome some of the negatives from thirty years ago. I'm completely out, but struggling to actually find much of a lesbian scene to be out in!