|
How Do You Self-Identify...and why.
But first, a rule. I like those. I am really not interested in how you don't identify and why not.
Considering that there are a lot of words that mean basically the same thing, I'm pretty curious this week about why people have chosen the specific word that they've chosen. for example: Lesbian, Gay Woman, and Dyke at the end of the day have pretty nearly the same definition - but different people tend to gravitate toward one particular word. I know "in real life" I have a lot of friends who are Dykes, but I only know very few Lesbians and to my knowledge I don't hang out with any Gay Women. Is that generational? Is it sub-culture related? What gives? Ditto with Pansexual and Bisexual. What makes people choose one over the other? I'll go first: I choose Queer. I choose Queer because it means both absolutely nothing and potentially everything/anything. For me picking Queer means I am making a statement that I wish to align myself with the rest of you. Am I allowed to make a poll or do I have to wait until I remember to send a money order to Medusa? ;) |
our identities are a set. so by you going with queer, right on.
i'm butch. i'm a woman. i'm a coach. i care about other's feelings. but i'm also femme at times. i'm lazy. i cuss up a storm. i laugh like crazy. so i won't put myself in a cubby hole and say i am just one identity when i'm also others. we all are. i may like to think that i am butch all the time, but i'm not lol. i could very well just identify as a laugher. it would be true! |
I identify as metrosexual genderqueer. Why? Because it just feels right for me.
|
Woman lesbian (which to me is not redundant and a critical pairing of terms) is what seems to be most accurate for me at this juncture. However, I am burned-out on "identity" within the range of butch to be honest. I am focused on character as a human being and this is what I have the deepest connection with within the butch-femme paradigm. And this is at the root of my participation here, this dynamic or narrative is the nucleus for me.
Of course I find elements of gender theory to be important and how my female masculinity enhances my life- and it does. The inter-play (and actually freedom) I experience as a woman with some masculine traits, as it were, is a good fit for me and always has been. Even with some of the ugliness I (and all of us) have encountered by not fitting socially accepted norms of gender. What I want most for people within this community is to feel this same sense of peace no matter their identity across our entire queer spectrum. I know some have had (or will) to make very complex and life-long changes in order to be who they are and I want them to live life as they truly are. |
I ID as Queer Femme Dyke in the community and A Gay Woman in everyday life...
Gay because I came up in the boys clubs... I imprinted on the word Gay (Gay to me is a sexual marker... gay men/gay women) Woman is my gender...(I know that female is the correct gender, but it feels weird calling myself female) Queer means I am other... I queer the norm... It doesn't say what makes me other, just that I am... Femme is my soul... It's a special creation of my own uniqueness... Dyke is the bit of a rebel left in me... I like labels... I don't think they put me in a box... I just like to think of them more as warning labels.... Grin... |
I identify as an old school butch. old school meaning, the way things used to be. When people ask me, I tell them I am an old school butch with updated ideas, meaning a butch like you might have found twenty or fifty years ago before the advent of labels, who has attempted to keep up with the times while not losing identity. Sexuality, gender, etc, has over the years splintered into a million pieces with so many identifications its hard to keep up. Even though I cling to my past, I admire the people who have thought out who they are and what they really feel no matter what category that ultimately puts them in. By the same token, I do stick with my past and the strong feelings I have about being butch and what that means to me. For me personally, it means taking on a dominant role, being a leader and also being one who nurtures. When I came out, being butch was a given to me, it was who I was and there would be no compromise to it ever. That feeling has never changed. The only additions to it over the years have been a sense of being a daddy though I rarely ID that way and a particular sadistic streak which only in the last several years have I come to terms with as part of the kink side I embrace.
I have always felt that people today sometimes have a hard time finding who they are, in part because there are so many decisions now, in part because of our individuality. It makes it hard on the younger people to find their place and I feel for them in that regard. My life was simple coming out because you were pretty much either butch, femme or bi. Trans was around then, but considered more of a curiosity I think rather than an identification. It amazes me in the last 30 years how much all of this has changed and how very different we all are, evolving from the simplicity of butch/femme to the complexities we have reached. I am comfortable in my skin, extremely confident about who I am, and I wonder sometimes how many people can really say that. With that said, I have to say I support people in whatever ID they choose as we all have to make our way in life no matter how easy or complex it becomes. Your individuality is something you must never give away or let someone take from you. I have had people say to me in recent times that being butch or femme is now a relic of the past given the scores of new IDs that people have. I will have to disagree with that statement. We are what everything new has evolved from and I certainly don't feel like a relic or outdated by any means. I also find there are a lot of women out there who are wanting that type of old school relationship even among the younger crowd. In order to find your future, you must also embrace your past. We are the ones who were at Stonewall. We are the ones who were in the dirty bars that got raided by the police, We are the ones who were unable to 'pass' and were victimized because of it. The gay men, butches and drag queens opened the doors for all of you in one way or another. We are still here and a viable part of the community. Never count the old school out. |
Interesting question and thread.
I never gave much thought to identity before landing on the planet. Growing up, my female/girl identity was totally gender-congruent for me. My mom sewed me frilly dresses and set my hair in rags at night. The rags would make my hair come out in these long curls that I thought (and pictures still show), looked beautiful to me. It just seemed normal to me that putting my hair in rags that hurt, was what girls did to have Shirley Temple curls. I loved dolls, tea parties and did not like getting dirty ( still really don't). I wanted to be a nurse from the time I was a little girl. My life was plotted out for me. I would get married and have children. The only time I felt a twinge of disconnect was when I saw my first butch at 16. I felt someting I had never felt before inside. A hunger really but my friends hurried me away and I ignored that pull. I am at one with my identity, my femaleness and being a woman. I am femme. It is who I am. I feel gender-congruent with my sex. I am greatly attracted to women with masculine traits & sense of self. It is the ying to my yang. It is the "otherness" to me. I have gained a new understanding for those whose identity is not congruent with their gender. I can't imagine how painful it must be but have learned much about the struggle many experience daily while coming to terms with this for themselves since I have been on the planet. I also now totally "get" why many lesbians have transitioned. This was very hard for me to come to terms with when I first arrived here. As ALH stated, yes, of course, character is important and critical. Perhaps even more so, is that we are able to feel as one with our bodies, our gender, our self-perception, self-identity and our view of the world and how others perceive us. It all has to "fit" for us to be our very best selves. I might have digressed but woke up too early and got philosophical. This is how I see it this early AM on Sunday. |
The first thing I am before anything else is a girl. I think this makes me 'other' in a way that is not as hard to explain, as it seems hard for people to understand or accept, this is not an age play or a little/big kind of thing either, that's not what I mean; I am a girl not a woman in the same way that a zebra is not a horse.
That said, I am gay also queer and a lesbian, femme is apparent, but it is on the list. |
Interesting topic.......
For me, first and always I am a girl..... I am a girl first and always, even if single I am still a girl. I love lables, I slapped Queer Femme on me proudly long ago, sometimes at work I shock the younger straight set of friends I have when I call myself Queer. They react with omg!! Isn't that a derogatory word. I said only if one thinks so I happily embrace the Queer I am. So I suppose I am a Queer Femme Girl and I love everyone no matter what label they choose or don't choose. I am femme by nature as was my Mother before me. |
How do I identify?
I'm a woman, I'm a lesbian, I'm femme. I'm queer as in part of the queer community. I also use/reclaim the word dyke, though my only issue with the word lesbian is when other queers wrinkle their noses at it. Heart |
Queer Stone Femme Girl
Queer-a term that fits better than any other...it's often used as an umbrella term and I kind of like that because that means there's lots of room for different flavors inside that one identifier. Stone-because I choose to partner with Stone Butches and Transguys and because their sexual boundaries of what touch is acceptable and what bits not to touch fit with my sexual boundaries of what bits I'm not touching as well as how I prefer to touch the bits I do touch. Femme-ever notice that femme ends with 'me'? Girl-maybe it's because I didn't get the childhood I think I should have or maybe I was just born this way, but I'm all girl, inside and out, good, bad and ugly. It's inside me as surely as the molecules that carry oxygen throughout my body and just as necessary for existence. |
I'm a middle aged athletic lesbian.:new:
|
Lifelong Stonebutch..."I'm on the right track baby I was born this way".
|
I am femme because I am feminine in appearance and manner :)
|
I am Queer. I was born Butch; it is who I am, it is what I am, it is how I dress, it is how I look. I feel Transgendered; a mix if two things that come together to make me unique.
Queer is my umbrella term out in the every day world; Trans-Butch around these parts since I don't have to explain myself to people here. Y'all can just call me G. :winky: |
Grown-ass unapologetic *Tomboy*. Why? Because it relays things at my core that have remained steady and true throughout my life- though at times (like decades) I have tried to shun/hide/smother pieces and parts of these things due to my own life experiences and that resulted in un-examined internal misogyny.
After self examination in the last couple years, self work on so many things OTHER than my identity, after scraping off the shit and allowing parts of myself light that I hadn't seen for decades... a cocky hardcore Tomboy remained... lol. The only part of me (in relation to these particular identities) I believe innate, and who I can most clearly remember always having been... if that makes sense. I could technically still claim butch, I am very butch (the adjective) inside still, my relationship has the yin yang of the dynamic... but for me in Tomboy I feel more "freedom" for integral parts of me, though not unheard of in "*butch* more unusual no doubt... and the conglomerate of them tip the scales in my mind. So it's honestly (for me) it's just more accurate in that it describes better and encompasses my personal *fluid-ness* being comfortable all in one vessel. I have strong masculine traits and also strong feminine traits and that works great for me... I enjoy both, they are not at odds in me but seamless and natural. Did I break the rules because I spoke about not id'ing butch? I did it b/c I did ID that way for so long... or maybe because I'm a rule-breaker at heart... oh well... either way I have breakfast to make and a truck engine to play with... in other words, life calls... you can punish me later. ;) |
I'm a girl, a woman, gay, lesbian and femme.......why? Because gay and lesbian were the only two adjectives known in small town NZ.
I'm grew up a girl, I'm now a woman and identify as a femme. |
I'm a working class (manual laborer) butch dyke.
I'm a daughter, a feminist, an artist and a recreational soccer player. |
I am a woman identified Butch Lesbian.
Why? Because I was born this way..it is my soul, my fabric of who I am, and I can be this! |
Thank you for this thread...it is actually something I have been giving quite a bit of thought lately.
The relevant parts of my standard self-ID (long version upon request:) are: Queer Leather Femme Queer: I find 'queer' to be more expressive and encompassing of the way I live my life, and more aspects of my life than just my sexuality. "Lesbian" never sat right with me. Leather: My leatherwalk is an integral part of how I live my life, and with whom. Femme: I am comfortable with my assigned gender, although I'm certainly not High Holy Femme - don't have the stamina nor the inclination. I'm a feminine, low-maintenance femme. And I don't pay too much attention to the artificial boundaries between gender roles, although I do tend by nature to stay more on the 'feminine' side of the equation. The word I'm mulling over adding is Stone. (Queer Leather Stone Femme). I've been reading and doing research, and there is apparently a lot of debate over definition. Plus, I've been slammed in previous relationships many times over how my sexuality works, so there's a lot of pain and 'un-learning' to deal with. But what I've learned so far goes a long way to explain things...and explain them a LOT. Too bad it took me so long (I'm 50) to look into it.... Anyway, great question, and thanks for posting it. |
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:20 AM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018