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Corny jokes
I work in mental health. My part time job is at a group home. One of the residents loves corny jokes. Everytime I come to work she has a new one to tell me. Then I tell her a corny joke back. I have now exhausted my knowledge of corny jokes. I know I could just google corny jokes but I thought a thread would be more fun!
So what are the corny jokes you know? |
Here's a joke she told me yesterday:
There are two potatoes standing on a street corner. How do you know which one is the prostitute? Answer: The one wearing the sign "Idaho." :cheesy: |
What did one hat say to the other hat?
You stay here. I'll go on a head. :)
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What’s Irish and stays out all night?
Pati-o furniture :-p :moonstars: http://www.statichukd.com/images/threads/426683.jpg |
Cute/fun thread Mopsie! :)
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra. |
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it. |
Two french fries were walking down the road, and one was a-salted.
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God forgive me but I thought this was funny....
So, the Three Wise Men have arrived in Bethlehem, and have found the stable with Mary, Joseph, and Jesus. As the enter the stable, the 1st Wise Man ducks through the low door, turns his head and calls over his should "Heads up, low beam". The 2nd Wise Man ducks as well, but doesn't warn the Wise Man following, who walks straight into the knotty pine beam. "Jesus Christ!!" he exclaims, slapping a hand to his bruised forehead.
"You know, I like that better than Irving!" Mary says to Joseph.... |
=)
How do you catch a unique rabbit?
U nique up on it.How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way. |
What did the mother buffalo say when her boy went off to college?
Bison! :) |
How much does a pirate pay for corn?
A buccaneer. |
What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
~You look flushed |
Here's another one my client told me last week ...
Q: What do you call a pig who takes karate lessons? A: Pork chop! :) (Said with appropriate accompanying hand gestures ... which made it cuter.) |
why did the clown go to the doctors?
~he was feeling funny |
What has no beginning, no end, and nothing in the middle?
A doughnut. |
A classic
Q: What kind of coffee did they serve on the Titanic? A: Sanka :) |
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
He was feely crumby! |
What did one plate say to the other?
Lunch is on me! |
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
7 8 9...............these are the jokes folks! |
Why does a mermaid wear seashells?
Because A is too small, and D is too big.:seeingstars: |
One of the other case managers just told me this one ...
Why do so few melons get married? Because they cantaloupe! :) |
I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!
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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
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What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button?
The middle of the KNIGHT. |
Why was the tomato blushing?
It saw the salad dressing. :) |
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar. And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...) #1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain. One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!" "No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla". The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas. A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla". A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!" #2 A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week". When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"." So the baker says "Come back in another week". When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man. "Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker. "Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man. |
What is brown, has 8 legs and carries a suitcase? A spider going on vacation!!!
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What's green and sings???
Elivs Parsley of course! |
What time was it when the elephant sat on the fence? Time to get a new fence!!!
What's black and white and read all over? A newspaper! What's black and what and red all over? A zebra with a sunburn! A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "got any gwapes?" The bartender says "No! Get out of here!" Next day the duck walks into the same bar and says "Got any gwapes?" The bartender says "No! I already told you I don't have any grapes. If you come back, I'm going to nail your duck feet to the counter!" Third day the duck walked back into the bar and asks the bartender "Got any nails?" The bartender says "No!" "Good" says the duck! "Got any gwapes???" |
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
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^^^ that one reminds me of this one ...
Why was the belt arrested? It held up a pair of pants. :| :giggle: |
Guy and a giraffe go into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor.
Next guy comes in and says, "who's that lyin' on the floor?" Bartender says,"that's no lion, it's a giraffe." :jester: |
Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Cause if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan. |
What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom at the end of their first date?
You're a fungi! :cheesy: |
Why are there gates around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in. :| |
I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a muscle.
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what do you call a camel without any humps?
Humphrey |
Knock Knock
Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say apple again? |
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Thanks for all the jokes everybody - keep them coming! :) |
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