Butch Femme Planet - Dealing With The Aftermath of Rapid Weight Loss

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Dealing With The Aftermath of Rapid Weight Loss

From posts here, I know some members have had procedures to help with weight loss whether it be gradual or rapid.

I am looking to hear some of their experiences and wisdom in dealing with the aftermath of rapid weight loss.

My weight loss was the by-product of a medical/surgical issue that resulted in a 120 lb loss in 8 months. During that process, I was more focused on survival and making sure I had a steady influx of multi sized clothing to minimize looking like a clown. Now that I am well into the healing process, I'm discovering things about weight loss that I just wasnt expecting to have to deal with.

While there are many interconnected aspects to this, some of the more challenging ones are as follows.

The biggest thing is self image. There is a disconnect between the image in my head and the image in the mirror. It doesnt feel real. In some ways, my body feels like a stranger to me. I do double takes in mirrors now. I know it will take time to adjust to and establish a new reality. I'm wondering if there are some things to do or not do to help with this reconciliation, and how long the process might be.

Another thing I noticed is I now have weight gain panic. My weight was holding steady within a 5 lb range for a couple of months. Then in one weeks time it spiked up 8 lbs. After ruling out a medical problem and muscle mass gain, I had to resort to a food journal to figure out what I was doing for this to happen. I'm wondering if anyone has some suggestions for recognizing stress/binge/boredom eating before it shows up on the scale, or how to rework your relationship with food (even on a restricted diet) without driving yourself nuts.

A third thing is the reactions of other people. Some dont even recognize me. Others, knowing the history, are complimentary in a you look healthy again kind of way. Some give the backhanded kind of compliments which smack of hey you're not fat anymore. Im trying to figure out a way to deal with the backhanded compliments while the internalized negative societal preoccupation with weight and women's bodies plays automatically in my head. I dont know if one can ever shut that off but I'm quite sure one can modify it over time into something healthier without wanting to verbally smack people upside the heads. Wondering what worked(s) for others.

Lastly, the obsession with clothes and grooming is making me nutty. It is not something I ever gave much thought to, or spent much time on. However, I now understand why some folks need so much closet space and bureau drawers, and why it takes so long to get ready to leave the house. I'm sure this will eventually level itself out but there has got to be a way to help it along.

Any insights or suggestions would be appreciated.

my weight has yo yo'd up and down over my life. In my 30s I had gone on an exercise kick and dropped several dress sizes. I was at a professional meeting one day and someone was talking to me when she suddenly realized she recognized me and blurted out "oh my god, you use to be really fat!". Oddly, I hadnt realized I had been "really fat" until she said that. And wondered how skewed my self perception was at that moment too. I acquired body dysmorphic disorder. I would look at myself and sometimes see someone overweight, and at other times, normal weight. I didnt trust either. I couldnt tell who I was.

I still have that at times, but now its no big deal. Its like a light switch that comes on...I simply just switch it off now. I shrug and say "what difference does it make?" and move past it. My body is accepted as is...no matter what size. Or anyone's reaction.

In my mid-twenties I lost 110lbs in around 7-8 months.

I ate 800-1000 calories a day.

One day I was walking in the mall and walked by a mirrored post...I had to stop and look again because I didn't recognize the person in the mirror. I never really caught up with my new body...it didn't register in my brain that I was now a " normal" weight; to me I was just Cindy.

The reason I set out to lose weight was not because I didn't like the way I looked...it was because I became diabetic. I think the reason the weight returned, was because I had not really changed my mind-set or my lifestyle. When the shock of the diabetes diagnosis wore off, I resumed eating as I pleased and I returned to my prior weight. I have weighed the same weight
(plus or minus -20lbs) since the age of 18.

I think I heard from someone that it takes years for the image of yourself that you have in your mind to change. That one time was the only time I saw myself as "thinner"...like soft*silver said, sometimes I see "fat" or "flaws", but mostly I just see me.

Edited to add:

The only time I ever see myself as others see me is when I see a photograph. I get severe anxiety over being a fat person...but as soon as the picture is unseen I return to feeling ok.

After my divorce, I couldn't hold food in. I hardly ever weigh myself so I can't tell you what I weighed but I went down a LOT of pant sizes.

I am still surprised at my reflection (and it has been wayyy over a year). I still expect that I will gain all the weight back but, realistically, probably not. I eat carbs like they are illegal, eat chocolate, take sugar in my coffee (again) and even indulge in half and half sometimes.

I am thinking about buying a bikini this year.... Maybe that will wake me up to my "new" body.

As far as clothes and getting ready is concerned, I have always taken a long time.

I've gained some weight from not being able to remain as active as I once was, but I basically can wear the clothes I've had without too much trouble. I can relate to really awkward statements that people offer unexpectedly, though. Last summer, after riding my bicycle to and from work, people would remark on my body image ... that I wasn't as fat as they remembered me being or any number of observations which primarily revealed to me their lack of experience or inability to communicate with sensitivity, the ideas on their mind. At first, it was triggering to me. But post accident weight gain, for the most part, leaves me worried that I will have to find new ways to help my body stay somewhat in a good shape? The thing that I dislike about insensitive remarks is that it puts an extra burden on me, to not let that type of thing impair my ability to frame my own thoughts in positive ways.

Probably the look on my face when someone makes insensitive remarks to me --- which can range from unsolicited observations on my physical appearance to other types of unsolicited opinions on *anything* --- is the look of mystery, the look of "there's no way to retract your words, so good luck next time, if there is a next time" kind of mysterious, open ended facial expression.

Thanks, Kobi, for sharing your journey about your own weight loss and the many unexpected issues that comes with this particular health issue.

Eta:: I've always taken time with getting dressed for the day, but it's probably even longer now. Mostly because of my back, hip and leg injuries. Dresses are easier. Lingerie is easy, somewhat. Pants or yoga leggings, it's a struggle.