Is hyperfemininity expected of fat women?
Femmes, what do you think?
http://www.dazeddigital.com/fashion/...-women-opinion Quote:
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I will start by being honest, I have read your posts and have never responded even if I have felt I had something to add because you come across as so well informed I think I have been a little in awe of you and never felt I could bring anything of use `to the table ` as it were ! {this is said as a compliment not a criticism :rrose:} So I shall address that now ! Yes I do think it is expected of bigger women to make more of an effort to compensate for their weight/body shapes/figures. Too often we hear the phrase `oh she could put a bin bag on and look fabulous` and its nearly always said about `slim` women. I think there is a view that if a big woman has a full face of makeup and a smart pulled together outfit that by `making an effort` she has pulled back a few points {as society sees} that she lost because of her weight. And then of course you will hear comments like `oh shes so pretty, always makes such an effort with herself, if only she`d loose some weight she`d be perfect` :| As I have answered your post it just dawned on me that when my own weight fluctuates and I`m a few pounds heavier/bloated etc and I try on something that feels tight and uncomfortable instead of just choosing something smart but that I know is roomier I fear I instead select something ultra comfy, oversized, dare I say shapeless which isnt so bad in itself but I now realise I then usually either dont bother with make up or use less and tone it down, put my hair in a ponytail instead of styling it, in short everything is taken down a level based on my not being able to squeeze into a particular size dress or skirt. I wasnt really conscious I was actually doing that until now. I need to be aware of that though its probably linked to issues with selfcare from my childhood. Interested to hear other Femmes thoughts, thanks for the thread Martina. |
When i first recovered from anorexia i gained significant weight (almost 1/3 of my total weight). I absolutely felt obligated to start making more of an effort with my face/hair/wardrobe/accessories.
Having the experience of having been in a very small body and then a larger body both in the same year was extremely revealing to me in terms of how pervasive body-shaming really is and how powerful thinness is. Our society believes 100% that fat is the worst thing a woman can be, and sees anyone who can be fit into that category as dismissible. Online dudes always fall back on body-shaming eventually any time they argue with women online-- because it is the ultimate indictment in our society. If you can make "fat" stick it does not matter that you were just getting your ass handed to you buy a PhD when you thought you could mansplain her field to her-- and you don't even actually have to be fat, just the slightest imperfection is enough. Let your thighs touch just slightly and any authority you have can be ignored Its like maintaining thinness is women's threshold for minimum achievement-- the foundation you must put under everything else you do, and society would like to see you take care of that before you come bothering them wanting to try anything else, and doesn't mind if you sideline yourself for decades while you solve that little problem for them. Whatever it takes-- postpone your whole life! An all-consuming focus on this is lauded and encouraged. When we try to move forward without first securing that compliant size, the resistance is so fierce that you try to compensate by being beyond reproach in all other areas. Extreme femininity is absolutely one way to do this. A lack of gender compliance is society's second-favorite thing to weaponize against us, anyway-- probably more than body compliance was, until recently. If you don't have one you're not going to get away with lacking the other, too. |
This is interesting.
I had a conversation with a young woman who identifies as bisexual (in a relationship with a man) and she “came out” as “fat” to me. What I mean is, she both told me she feels people only see her weight and, as a result, she feels she must perform. So she always wears dresses, makeup, etc. I began to reflect on this and realized that my other friends or other women I know often do this. A close friend said she always dresses up because she’s insecure about her weight and dressing up makes her feel better. So, it seems to be multi-faceted and performative for an audience as well as the self. One friend’s insecurities stretched so far as her desire to be catcalled— she’s never had that attention and for so many women, including myself, it’s routine. She began to invite it, which alarmed me. |
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I like how you invoked Gender Compliance in tandem with issues of societal policing of what constitutes items associated with brands of feminine expression of our personalities or sexual identification or how we identify our type of gender. No one gets to police my identity or type of femininity. I think how I chose to dress or express myself is in itself unique to who I am, as much as its unique to any other woman. It's never easy to reject or accept aspects of ourselves when societal pressure to conform is greater than what we will accept or reject. That blog post you found Martina, is very interesting. Thanks for sharing it, in our online community. :rrose: |
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