Pronouns
 

Does it offend you when someone calls you by your former or an unwanted pronoun?

It doesn't really offend me if I get called "him", but it does seem a bit strange. I'm much more comfortable with "her" and other female pronouns. I still have a bit of trouble remembering that my MTF friend, who started transitioning at the time I met her, is a "she", whereas my other friend who came out as FTM after I'd known him for a bit, is pretty easy to remember.

So to answer my question, how do you react to when someone calls you by a different pronoun than you prefer? Do you acknowledge that sometimes someone can make a mistake, especially in the early days?

It offends me only when the male pronouns are not used in the LGBT community. i expect the community to have a grip but it doesn't. I'm not transitioned yet, so I can't expect the general the public to use male pronouns—but it's funny, because i look more male now than ever.

I live in the south and a friend pointed out that the reason southerners may be using female pronouns with me is because they're afraid using male pronouns that may offend me. ha!

I like male pronouns and nothing spelled with a "y".
I'm not a lesbian and have NEVER ID'd as one. I'm transgered/male and male ID'd because that's how I am wired. I cannot be with a female partner as a woman. I am male dominate (not meant in the BDSM context)

I went to a Queer Conference in Austin about 3 years ago, and there was a place by the entrance where they would hand you a nametag with your preferred pronoun already on it. I declined without thinking - since I'm relatively girly, live in a female-designated body and am cool with "she/her" pronouns.

In one of the workshops, it was pointed out that those who declined the pronoun-tag were most likely uknowingly exercising privilege.

That was an epiphany for me. I have the confidence that nobody would question which pronoun to use with me based on my gender presentation - and having that confidence is indeed a privilege.

My own experience of my gender is complex - or maybe simple - and I don't really feel like "she" applies to my insides as well as it applies to my outsides. "He" doesn't really cover everything in there either. I'm cool with "she" - it covers my outsides just fine and it corresponds with my lived experience too.

I've experienced so much stress trying to keep track of other people's pronouns, memorizing who will get offended by which - even people I barely know at all. It's not the pronoun that stresses me - it's the risk of offense. Mostly, I find the stress of possibly angering or disrespecting people with an inadvertant incorrect pronoun to be very exhausting.

Also, I have struggled when dating people with male pronouns - struggled with how to refer to them when speaking to others. Struggled with whether to respect the pronoun - effectively closeting myself - or to respect my own identity as an out lesbian by altering that pronoun when referring to my mate - or to give the quick run-down of the gender of the person I'm dating so as to try to respect both (and that ends up feeling the opposite of respectful). Or, I go back to the pronoun game - that closet game where you avoid all pronouns completely. I find it exhausting. I'd manage it if my gf decided she'd rather be my bf, but in the meantime, I am somewhat relieved to have some time and space where I don't feel stuck between the disrespecting-my-partner's-id rock and the disrespecting-my-own-id hard place.

I think the greater issue with all that (for me) might boil down to femme invisibility and just not having been out of the closet for that long. It's like I'm still afraid I could be shoved back in there. If I were a butch, I could call my partner anything I wanted, and it wouldn't put me in the closet so easily. I feel like often femmes are expected to always put the feelings of those of the more masculine persuasions ahead of our own. But then, that may be my own internalized misogyny I'm responding to.

Because of all that (above), I have pretty much decided to accept all pronouns. I might not know whom you're talking about if you refer to me as "he" or "zie" but I'm down with whatever. I want to live in the impossible-to-offend-with-pronouns zone and I'm happy to do my best to memorize and respect others' pronoun choices as long as I can be relatively assured to be left in peace if I occasionally screw it up.

I wouldn't be offended if it happened with someone who has not yet had enough time with me since transitioning......someone learning to be with me as I am now versus how they knew me before. I get that for some it could be more of a "habit" thing and not that they don't *truly* see me.

I think, too, if we lower the wall some and really look at what is happening with the person, we might be less inclined to get offended and act in a defensive manner. There really are a whole lot of people out there who mean no harm.

Experience has shown me that the folks who f*ck with you via pronouns are few and far between. The rest of them, in my opinion, are really doing the best they can with a situation that is very foreign to them.

Hey Andrew...

My post wasn't intended to disagree with anything you said. It was my response to the OP's question based on my personal experiences.

In the years I've known you and read you online, it is evident to me that you and I have had vastly different experiences. I can't even begin to understand what you've been through, so I certainly wouldn't deny you your feelings when it comes to this and so many other topics.

I'm sorry if there was confusion. I did not respond to draw contrast to what you had written. I just wanted to throw in my two cents since it seems the OP is interested in hearing different takes on the subject.

Respectfully,
Thinker

Pronouns are silly, just treat me well and I am happy.

for me, "she" definitely
for my butch, she wanted a "she" pronoun

Just don't call me late for dinner and I'm good.

Every since I was a teen, I was frequently addressed as sir. I think that this is partly because I am uncommonly tall for a woman, and some people, not entirely conscious, will see tall and put 2 and 5 together and come up with 4.
As I've matured, I think that I'm kinda proud that people address me as sir. It doesn't really matter too much what I'm called in terms of gender ... I know who I am.

It's offensive if they purposely use incorrect pronouns

Idk I never really got bothered by pronouns. Although I really hated being she'd for the longest time. I recently switched back to she after realizing that it wasn't the pronoun itself bothering me but the perception of femininity it often gives people. I really feel uncomfortable being seen as feminine.