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-   -   Generation X Break Ups (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3656)

AlphaDrug 08-12-2011 05:51 PM

Generation X Break Ups
 
I know there's probably a thread about this outside of the 30 and under, but break ups for our generation have changed drastically from the older crowds. There's no more sincere dinner and adult talking it out, our generation has little caring for expressing our feelings in the right way, writing letters, facebook messages, and text messages to break up with someone is just so wrong. My very first girlfriend decided to cheat on me for a week and then text message me a break up note while I was in the middle of class in high school. I was crushed! And looking back now it was SO immature of her it still gets my blood boiling.

Now I use music to sooth my emotions after a break up, probably one of the worst things I could do, but it helps. I start listening to fuck her music and then slowly turn into I'm a better person music, and then stuff about being independent and sexy girl power music. It's very... therapeutic.

Experiences? Comments? Concerns? How do you deal with a break up at your age, in the generation we're in.

DapperButch 08-12-2011 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug (Post 397199)
I know there's probably a thread about this outside of the 30 and under, but break ups for our generation have changed drastically from the older crowds. There's no more sincere dinner and adult talking it out, our generation has little caring for expressing our feelings in the right way, writing letters, facebook messages, and text messages to break up with someone is just so wrong. My very first girlfriend decided to cheat on me for a week and then text message me a break up note while I was in the middle of class in high school. I was crushed! And looking back now it was SO immature of her it still gets my blood boiling.

Now I use music to sooth my emotions after a break up, probably one of the worst things I could do, but it helps. I start listening to fuck her music and then slowly turn into I'm a better person music, and then stuff about being independent and sexy girl power music. It's very... therapeutic.

Experiences? Comments? Concerns? How do you deal with a break up at your age, in the generation we're in.

Do I have Generations confused? :confused:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_X

tapu 08-12-2011 06:39 PM

Hmm... Was I Generation X? Or was I Generation W, maybe....

Anyway, I don't remember any sincere dinners and adult talking it outs. In our 20s, we were more like wrecking each other's cars and calling each other's employers.

DapperButch 08-12-2011 06:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tapu (Post 397234)
Hmm... Was I Generation X? Or was I Generation W, maybe....

Anyway, I don't remember any sincere dinners and adult talking it outs. In our 20s, we were more like wrecking each other's cars and calling each other's employers.

Oh, hearing the stories of exs outing each other to their employers! hahahaha Talk about panic!

Nat 08-12-2011 07:28 PM

I think generation X is evolving in an interesting way. I identify very much with this (my) generation (those approximately born post-baby-boom, in the 60s and 70s). I haven't read current info about us, but I don't think we are where we were last time I heard about us. Many of us came from single-parent homes and/or had step-parents, many of us came home to empty apartments/houses after school, many of us were independent young through necessity, we grew up less tended to than the generations before and after. Many of us were atheists (last time I read about us), we were difficult to market to, we were disaffected. But I think generation X seems to care more now that we've grown up more. I'm not sure.

I've done a good job with some break-ups and a bad job with others. I've been broken up with badly and I've been broken up with well. I prefer friendship with exes when possible. Sometimes it's not. :/

I think there's some confusion with this thread because it's in the "BFP Folks under 30" category, but if it's really about GenX, I'm excited. :)

cara 08-12-2011 07:34 PM

Off topic: Those born after '77 are called Millennials. I'm a "Cusper." That is, I was born in '77 and feel comfortable with many of the characteristic traits between Gen X-ers and Millennials. The dates may differ a little bit, but this is what we've been talking about and learning at work recently.

On topic: I think access to technology has its good and bad points. On one hand, I can date someone half-way around the world and remain in very good contact with them. On the other hand, our lives, including our relationships and break-ups, are more visible if we have an online presence. And let's face it: Anyone born after 1990 has an online presence.

More to say, but feeling pulled in too many directions at the moment.

TTFN!

DapperButch 08-12-2011 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cara (Post 397271)
Off topic: Those born after '77 are called Millennials. I'm a "Cusper." That is, I was born in '77 and feel comfortable with many of the characteristic traits between Gen X-ers and Millennials. The dates may differ a little bit, but this is what we've been talking about and learning at work recently.

Yes, or Generation Y. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Y

DapperButch 08-12-2011 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nat (Post 397268)
I think generation X is evolving in an interesting way.

.... Many of us were atheists (last time I read about us), we were difficult to market to, we were disaffected. But I think generation X seems to care more now that we've grown up more. I'm not sure.

I agree with the above...how we were perceived and how we have changed.

lillith 08-12-2011 09:15 PM

Wasn't our (Gen X) anthem Green Day's Burnout? But yet, he we stand as some of the most humanitarian peoples that every walked this earth. We cry when someone hurts, we help when someone falls, we don't bullshit. We are a collective whole, and we know it. We agree there is room for everyone, and we know that we need to collaborate to find solutions instead of hiding in some dark corner grasping at our ideas as solely "Mine!"

As for the break-up situation, I will never break-up via text or email. If it is a long distance relationship, the best I can do is call because the person on the other end deserves to hear why and have their pain heard and dealt with. It is ideal for me to say that it always happens this way, but I think being a Gen Xer allows me some space to decide what mode of communication I prefer. We have to remember we are the generation that saw 8 tracks turn into cassettes that turned into cds that turned into mp3s. We are the generation that saw the emergence of car phones to cell phones. It seems natural that ours is a generation of communication in any form we can dream of, and that we would take advantage of all the ways is reasonable.

kannon 08-12-2011 09:59 PM


AlphaDrug 08-13-2011 01:52 AM

:moonstars: I'm sorry about the confusion, I'm talking about a mix of Gen X and Y I guess, anyone under 30... but I cant edit the title or main topic of the post.

I am enjoying some of the replies people are posting though.

And Text Message Break Up was my god-send when my ex did what she did.

DapperButch 08-13-2011 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug (Post 397406)
:moonstars: I'm sorry about the confusion, I'm talking about a mix of Gen X and Y I guess, anyone under 30... but I cant edit the title or main topic of the post.

I am enjoying some of the replies people are posting though.

And Text Message Break Up was my god-send when my ex did what she did.

Hey, AlphaDrug. Just wanted to say I am sorry if you feel like I hijacked your thread and got things off track. I was just kind of thrown by the Generation X thing.

Bad_boi 12-28-2013 12:20 PM

Am I the only one okay with phone breakups? I mean text breakups seem kind of lazy but if you are going to break someone's heart let them have their heart broke in the privacy of their own home.

TruTexan 12-28-2013 12:46 PM

If you're going to breakup with someone and you can see them face to face and sit down and talk about it, then I would do that instead of calling on the phone. I would rather face the pain I've caused in breaking someone's heart and telling them why and letting them tell me how they are feeling rather than call on the phone if possible to do a face to face. For me, I think it has to do with closure to some degree; and for me, a phone call wouldn't work. I would NEVER break up via text message.

Kelt 12-28-2013 03:27 PM

Well, I'm not under 30 but I have been through break-ups. I think whatever mediums of communication are available will be used. A break up is always going to be bad for at least one person and frequently both. I have been mostly the one left over the years and can't imagine a worse place than a restaurant dinner for getting dumped. I would much rather have my heart handed to me in a place where I can save some face and have my ugly cry in private.

Gen X or any other doesn't have the market cornered on written break-ups. The "Dear John" letter was standard issue in WWII and many situations where distance is involved. If I had to guess I would think that it has been around historically much longer as well. Scrolls anyone?

Since the person doing the breaking chooses the method and environment it would be nice to think they would consider the preferences of the person being left, whatever they are.

DapperButch 12-28-2013 07:27 PM

Have the guts to do it face to face. Emails, phones, and texts are cop outs. Show some respect for the relationship and to the person. Don't do it in public (you are the one ending the relationship...how it is done is based on what would make things more comfortable for the other, not for you)

If there is distance involved, phones calls are acceptable, emails and texts are not.

imperfect_cupcake 12-29-2013 05:31 PM

peole break up in public in order to avoid "a scene" which is extremely manipulative. and it's been done to me. So in those two cases I made a pretty big one, to be a corresponding asshole to theirs.

I've been dumped by text, phone, email, letter, three second conversation in a hallway.
people in high school used to write notes and have their friends deliver it to the person saying "you are so dumped"

luckily i only had casual sex in high school so if after a few weeks we werent screwing around anymore, we just avoided each other, quietly, like adults LOL.

then pretended it never happened

I dunno it worked cause I'm still friends with most of them in my home town lolol

break ups with men have been pretty simple. and frankly, pretty easy. It gets sorted quickly, unless they turn into stalkers.

I don't need a big long explanation if we have only been dating and screwing around. I don't need it to be in person. a text is fine.

if it's a relationship? better be in person. I've been dumped by IM even, after six months of seeing someone. class. It's because people want to avoid conflct, anger, a scene or "dealing with upset".

I've broke things off with people under six months and quite casual. I usually do it within a month or two. it's usually by phone and sometimes email as I dont mind phone/email breaks when its casual. I find it a pain the arse to get dragged out and dumped when it's casual and could easily be done by phone/email.

But I've never broken with anyone serious, save one. And half of them have done it by email. some by phone. the rare few in person. Even my exwife told me about her sleeping with someone else over the phone.

I dont have any expectations for people doing what *I* think is respectful anymore. It's obviously not a common thought. Or people say they think similarly and act differently once they are stressed and scared. Best intentions of people who do not know themselves or their limits or too frightened to admit it.

best laid plans and all...

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

- "to a mouse" Robbie Burns

Happy_Go_Lucky 12-29-2013 05:39 PM

I personally believe Steve Martin had this break-up thing down. He would throw dog-poop on the girls shoes and say, I break with thee, I break with thee

Ps. Do NOT try this at home. This is just a joke.

imperfect_cupcake 12-29-2013 05:52 PM

there the other way to break up with someone and that's to become the biggest shitting arsehole on the face of the planet and then the other person dumps you and you get to be the victom and not have to do it.

puddin' 01-01-2014 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara (Post 873824)
best laid plans and all...

But Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain:
The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men
Gang aft agley,
An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

- "to a mouse" Robbie Burns

oy, now that's rich...


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