Excellent thread
This thread deals with questions about myself and relationships of the past. I am thrilled to see so many thoughts on the subject. I have learned a lot about myself over the past few years. I still don't know how poly femmes do it.
Do you think that it is mostly a butch who wants to be poly, especially one who ID's as a Top/Dominant, or are there just as many femmes who can't or don't want to have one partner??? Candice |
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It depends on the dynamics. My Syr is not about collecting wives, or having some sort of kinkfest with multiple sexual partners, she is about a family and maintaining a level of peace and joy within. There are some subs who wish for the Dominant to take on more family members so that they can have more playmates or freedoms, and sometimes without even making that wish known, and sometimes that plan backfires on everyone. |
My primary relationship partner is mono, our relationship has been in place since 1997. Without a marriage license. When I make a promise and a comitment, I mean it.
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It never worked for me. I am monogamous and have always made that clear.
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so could you be with someone who is Poly?
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No. I tried and while on paper it sounded doable, in actuality, it tore me down, apart and asunder.
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Confused
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I think this thread is asking about whether someone who is poly can be with someone who is basically monogamous long term, meaning one of them does not have connections outside the relationship.
I may sound like I am policing this thread. I am not. What I am doing is speaking as a poly person. We can't seem to have a discussion without people coming in and saying, OMG, I could never DO that. I am an ethical person. It's not in my nature to do THAT. |
i think many people think they can live this lifestyle, then try it and realize wow that is not for them. Like someone said it looks good on paper.
i like when they share that experience. What i get sick of is hearing how GOOD Syr must has it with two wives. We don't have orgies or kinkfests around here.. what we have is a family and when one is struggling we all struggles. Syr also has two (three if you count the boi) sets of problems to help us solve, relationships to maintain and spread herself amongst us all. People don't look past the sexual aspect of it. That is a GREAT part of it but there is SO much more to maintaining this lifestyle than people who have not tried it can imagine. |
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Thougts
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I'm often hesitant on posting in poly threads due to the stigma that comes along with being perceived as a sexual starved cat in heat. Weatherboi and I had that very discussion before my participation in this thread. It seems when the word poly is attached in any manner it is assumed that it's about sex, it's about selfishness, perversity(not the good kind) carelessness and all around negative. I'm glad this was brought up! |
I appreciate the comments made thus far. It seems to me that a relationship based on honesty and open dialogue can overcome philosophical differences. Can a relationship between people with different dietary needs work? Can a relationship between people with different income levels work? Can a relationship between people of different ethnicities or different religious beliefs work? I think the answer in all cases is "yes" if the people involved are willing to work through the hurdles that appear from time to time (as with any relationship).
Without identifying myself as poly or mono, it seems to me that a relationship can only "work" if the people involved want it to work and continue working on the relationship(s). |
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We are all in it for the kinship, not for the Hot Monkey Sex. |
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What i mean is: HYPOTHETICALLY: If i (being poly) were to tell my partner (who is mono) that i am going out for the evening to meet with another lover i am being honest, even though she would be left to deal with the aftermath of my stepping out. Could that ever work? |
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I am fairly picky (plus not everyone's cup of tea). I could easily be in a relationship in which I have no outside sexual or romantic connections while the other does. I have been in that position. But I could have always decided to pursue outside connections. Also, as I get older, I am not as interested in pouring so much of my time into relationships.
I know of marriages in which one partner is poly and kinky and the other person thinks it's strange stuff. The marriages pre-dated the one partner's exploration of kink. I know of two of those that have stood the test of time. |
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Although "I'm going out to meet a lover" is honest, it doesn't seem very nurturing. I'd like to think that if I was monogamous in a relationship with someone poly, that there would be some discussion and ground rules established for what behaviors are acceptable. Likewise, if I was poly and had a mono partner, I'd like to think that I would treat her in a manner that was respectful at all times. |
Yes, if someone can't tolerate you being poly, but wants to be, that is a problem.
But if one party wants to be monogamous and is happy with the other partner being poly -- which I think is the hypothetical -- then I imagine it can work. My guess is that it would stand the greatest chance of success if the monogamous partner were basically poly, just not interested in more than one relationship at this time. If a person with no experience of poly were to enter such a relationship as the monogamous partner, I would not give it much chance. But who knows? |
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