Butch Femme Planet - Can a poly/mono work?

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Butch Femme Planet (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/index.php)

- Poly Relationships (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=87)

- - Can a poly/mono work? (http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/forum/showthread.php?t=5281)

kittygrrl

09-26-2016 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere (Post 1096408)

Jealousy happens in any relationship, poly or not.

i'm not sure about that, it really depends, it shouldn't be a given.

JDeere

09-26-2016 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kittygrrl (Post 1096428)

i'm not sure about that, it really depends, it shouldn't be a given.

I'm just pointing out that it can happen in any relationship that isn't poly/mono.

Bubala

09-26-2016 07:54 PM

It depends on the people involved and the nature of their wants, their needs and their agreements. Every relationship is different in so many ways on so many levels, layers can be endless. Ultimately, in life, everything comes down to mutual respect and honesty (with ourselves and the rest of the world).

JDeere

09-26-2016 08:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lorelai (Post 1096451)

Yes on the respect and honesty.

LoyalWolfsBlade

09-26-2016 08:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere (Post 1096384)

Taking a chance could be the best thing some folks ever do for themselves and their relationships.

Oh agreed but it could also be a ticking time bomb waiting for just that right moment. In my opinion you should prepare for both to minmize any damage. Just a thought.
Alix or al

JDeere

09-26-2016 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LoyalWolfsBlade (Post 1096517)

Oh agreed but it could also be a ticking time bomb waiting for just that right moment. In my opinion you should prepare for both to minmize any damage. Just a thought.
Alix or al

Right, there are always risks and preparations are a good thing just in case.

JDeere

10-31-2016 10:23 PM

Bump bump.....

Tiffany Aching

11-07-2016 06:19 PM

In MY experience, yes.

I am polyamorous, and for the last 16 years I have only been with monogamous people. It was/are always committed long term relationships, and people I have been with and am with knew from the start my situation - it just happens that they were/are mono.

Honesty, communication and transparency and mutual respect were and are the keys for me and my partners.

JDeere

11-07-2016 08:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiffany Aching (Post 1105429)

What about if one partner becomes controlling with the main partner, while the main partner becomes dependent on the controlling partner?

I'm the one partner in this poly mono deal that isn't controlling or dependent but this is what I'm dealing with in my current situation.

girl_dee

04-20-2017 03:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee (Post 611392)

i feel it can work if all parties are open, honest and do not have underlying issues/agendas/feelings that are unknown to the other parties.

i think we all have a poly heart in some way, in that we are capable of loving more than one human being (polyamourous) but how we interact with others is where the real work comes in.

bumping this right here. i still feel this way.

this life is work, hard work. But i love it.

i do not believe that anyone one person could be my end all, be all. They could surely be the love of my life, my one true love, my *person*, my Master, my soulmate, my whatever....... but no one being could be my everything.

Nor could i be their everything. There is no reason why we can't enjoy things in another loving relationship that we cannot enjoy with our person.

Sex is a prime example, there is much that i am just not into, and don't want to be. If my person wants to experience those things with someone else, and still bring to our relationship everything that got us to that point, why should they not?

AmazonDC

04-20-2017 04:48 AM

I think it can work for others just not for Me... I am a 1 woman kinda Guy and I am very open about that with My partner... it comes down to communication and openness...

girl_dee

04-20-2017 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaddyChrisCo (Post 1139366)

I think it can work for others just not for Me... I am a 1 woman kinda Guy and I am very open about that with My partner... it comes down to communication and openness...

and of course that is just great, but you know not to get involved with poly folk, we are wired much differently.

JDeere

04-20-2017 08:28 PM

I'm single now but talking about experiences is a good thing.

girl_dee

04-21-2017 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere (Post 1139487)

I'm single now but talking about experiences is a good thing.

Yes its the only thing we have to go by isn't it?

my life in poly let me know i love it, it also showed me how badly things can turn out if everyone is not on the same page, and if someone is going along with things to avoid causing a breakdown of the unit.

girl_dee

04-21-2017 02:35 AM

thoughts!

Some people think having a poly heart is one that never experiences insecurities. That is not true.

People in mono relationships have told me i am cold and i don't care . i guess this is because i don't get all freaked out if i think they are noticing someone. i have an "ohhh yes i could see why you are attracted to her" attitude...or hey "invite her over"..... i usually don't feel threatened unless there is something else going on. If someone is going to leave, being jealous won't make them stay. For me, it will push me out the door. i want my person to be loved up on in every way from whoever they invite in, as long as our relationship is rock SOLID, the communication and connection is there, i know i am good and enjoy knowing they are happy.

Thats what a true poly heart is IMO. Having a rock solid relationship that allows you to feel joy for that person even when they are with someone else. While i can have many lovers, and am a terrible flirt, that one relationship is at the core always. Its where the strength comes from for me.

THEN there are the times where emotions come up and slap you in the face. Emotions you don't recognize or know what to do with. It feels ugly. You feel ashamed. For me when this happens i have to dig deep and find out why. This is the hard stuff that i like to overcome.

This lifestyle is certainly not for everyone, but having a chosen family is the greatest, most greatest gift.

Tuff Stuff

10-27-2017 06:12 AM

So far it's worked for us.I could never fuck only one person for the rest of my life.That's the hard truth about me.
But when i'm in love, I can only love one.
I guess you figured it out that I don't do mono,oh gawd no.
She knew this about me way before we married.As long as it's not brought into our home(the people,the person)then she has no problem with it.One night stands she doesn't want to hear about,but with my regular fuck buddies..she's all ears.

When I'm out in public with her,my attention is all hers,i never flirt with others around her,because believe me,i will not hear the end of it.But she flirts all the time with others,and I like it.

She is mono and truthfully I prefer it like that.If she told me tomorrow she'd like to have a one night stand,or a friend with benefits(gulp)..see, already I'm having a problem with it.

I'm not a person who keeps tabs on people I love,they are their own entity.I'm not calling my wife every minute of the day and she doesn't do the same to me.I trust her not to go behind my back.

She tells me she can only love one person at a time spiritually,mentally,physically.To me, love is different from sex.. sex does not equal love in my book.

You have to keep communication open and honest.

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