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PPPP (Personal Pity Party in Phoenix)
Good Evening BFP,
I just wanted to rant about my day and I thought who would make snarky comments about my bad luck to get me out of my funk? My trusty friends at BFP! I'm stuck in Phoenix and my luggage got a non stop ride to Chicago. The airline gave me a free room, but I don't have clothes, toothpaste, etc. I checked into the hotel and they have toothbrushes but no paste so I am brushing my teeth with mouthwash. No saline for my contacts so I am using Visine to keep my eyes from completely drying out like Thursday's pending turkey. All I want to do is be home in my own bed and my family. Arghhh. OK I feel better. Feel free to criticize and tell me to stuff it:-) |
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Snarky comment #1. Gee, I'm really glad I don't have to sit next to YOU on the plane tomorrow. PEEEE EWWW next? |
You could be stuck in Denver. :P
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*I feel pretty* |
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Snarky comment #4 (since Linus AND Waldo can't play well with others!)
You could eat yourself sick on HaagenDaas and charge the airline! |
You could run in place in your room, work up a sweat and take your smelling oh so good self on the plane and share that fresh scent with others. Make sure you get a seat by the help.
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I've never heard of using Haagen Daas for deodorant, but cool (no pun) give it a try. :eyebrow: |
Yes, I say use the ice cream for deoderant.....it wouldn't matter if it didn't work cuz Your pits would stick to Your arms...but then, if You had cats, when You get home, they would lick Your pits....which would tickle.....and then You'd laugh and think how it was worth it all.....
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I think you should call a cab right now, have them take you down to the nearest Wal-Mart, and buy a nice Christmas sweatshirt with fuzzy teddy-bear applique and some stretchy stirrup pants! Perhaps a nice pair of those Ugg-type houseshoes!
You will be just PRECIOUS. :raspberry: |
Curious, South of the Mason Dixon, asks...
Will there be a new thread each time your travels leave you in some wretched locale or will you simply continue the theme here?
I just want to know where I should go for updates. |
Well aren't you trusty BFP snarkers? I'm very proud. Naturally my hotel internet cut off last night. I guess the town really does shut down.
Arwen: Thank you for starting a numbered list. I like lists. I don't like lists that say I'm 22nd in line for standby. Good work. Waldo: I hear they have deodorant in Denver and everything. Linus: I wish I had a 6am flight! I'm hanging onto standby hope for the flights leaving before mine. I didn't make that 7am flight clear list so holding out hope for the 8:45. Wish me luck! Arwen: I'm a little lactose intolerant. I fear the bloating for the over indulgance of ice cream might take this whole trip over the edge! Wolfy: I'm so glad you want me to be heart healthy. I do have my running shoes on but that's it. I would look like a bad 70's jazzercise video in my sneaks, bra and underwear working up a sweat! Ha Boots: I would try a stick of butter for deodorant at this point:-) Diva: I appreciate the efforts of trying to get cats to love me. Alas I'm a dog person and my dog Cooper would love ice cream pits. I just don't know what the neighbors will say if they see him next time. They talk, ya know! 'Dusa: Wow a recommended store and shopping list! You shouldn't have. I looked at the sweaters but the hand stiched bells attached to the oddly placed tassles would cause a metal alarm through security. I can't be wanded in this situation. It's just too stressful. By the way, Marlene says hi and she really likes the Marlboro ornament you made her for last year's gift exchange. Harold even switched his smokes to Marlboro because he was so touched. Bent: Yes. In fact, I think the Administrators should create a "Travel Woes" catergory just for me where you can find my worldly and local travel adventures. Great idea. Thanks for looking out for me. |
You said "wanded"...............Here. You may carry the Wanding Sock. :sock:
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SmartyTarty, I think you should just continue your travel woes here in this thread since I'm already subscribed. This way I won't have to chase your cute rear all over the Planet. :vampire:AND if you travel so darn much, why not Austin?
Do you hate Austin? Is it me? Is it Puplove? Is it Diva? Is it the Drunken Whore Club? Is it the fabulous music and food that you hate? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Hater |
Oh Diva! I guess I said wanded and I wasn't even thinking dirty stuff. Sheesh!
Arwen. It's not that I don't like Austin. I fear I will love it SO much I will never leave. I mean to be a member of the Drunken Whores Club is right up there with being a Pink Lady *hiccup*. I'm also very touched that I have a subscriber! I should have put more thought into naming the thread. I feel I have 'coded myself into a corner' by labeling it Phoenix. Personal Pity Party-A Travel Woes Memoir might serve as a better title. If only I planned on a following as big as Oprah's! |
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I'm sure you would fit right in to the DWC. I myself got a name but couldn't make the party so I am not an official DWC. That's okay. I'm sure you can hold up my glass. |
this whole story is suspect...
the 'accidental' phoenician - they're known locally as 'snow birds' and they start arriving around november 1 and can be seen taking full advantage of 4:00 early bird specials. i believe that TPT has lost her luggage and her flock.
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Ye GADS, Tart, I would have come undone! Trapped in Hel---err, I mean, Phoenix of course--with NO DEODORANT?
I believe the airline owes you Hazardous Duty Pay for that. :hrmph: I personally cannot think of a more awful-and-pity-inspiring place than Phoenix, so I like the name of this thread. EVER so sincerely, Escapee |
Awwwww.....poor Tahhhht.
I know wanding first hand. Every time I travel, I get pulled out of line, wanded and some big lug of a dude in a uniform gropes me with a pair of gloves (yes, even my crotch area). I'm sure it's my natural "nervous and afraid" look...and maybe that "I gotta wee" look on my face, too, because it does does DOES stress me out to get pawed like that by someone I don't know. I have 2 titanium knee joints, that's why. Travel sucks. Oh, and the deodorant thing?? I'd go down to the restaurant and beg a lemon off of them, then squeeze the juice under my pits (citrus KILLS odor!!! We use it in the hospital to cover severe, objectionable and sometimes sickening odors from body functions). Rub the peels in your pit area (WARNING: MAY CAUSE RASH, so don't try this at home...only away from home). Always and forever helpful, ~Theo~ :bouquet:.....oh, look what Linus gave me ---->> :frog: |
Update (if anyone cares).
I scored a middle seat on the 8:45am from Phoenix to Chicago. I somehow managed to not make a bit deal of my lack of deordant. Funny thing is I was in a white faconnable shirt and carmel/butter leather blazer. I was ready to hit the fan if I got pit stains on my fancy shirt. Thankfully I (and my seat makes) were spared any sweating incidents. I arrived in Chicago and when I got to the baggage claim office it was me and 6 employees. Good sign for a weary traveler. In unison they all asked how they could help me. "WOW! Look at all of these people excited to help me find my bage!! Well my bag got a non stop flight to Chicago last night and I wasn't so lucky. I'm sure my bag looks better than me:-)" They giggled at me and literally escorted me to my bag in less than 2 minutes. I came home, showered, napped and had a great dinner with the dad-in-law in from California. I also had 2 great Ketel One dirty maritinis with blue cheese olives and a scotch. Thank you for your snark, your love, and your ongoing criticisms of me and my life. I love you. I really love you. I'm sure Kanye will take away my mic and say how the pilgrams had a worse voyage...blah blah... |
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