top or dom/me, sub or bottom
 

I didn't capitolise cause I don't do on line stuff and refuse to. sorry. However, the question is, I've been asked to articulate the difference.
I personally know the difference to ME... but I suspect that the difference is not across the board. I like more mind-fuck power games and being objectified and frankly I hate making any decisions in bed so when I'm on the power giver side of the equation, I'm more of a submissive, fuck doll rather than a bottom.

And plently of people have told me they were tops and I slept with them expecting a dominant and that's not what I was met with. They were certainly tops though.

I also work from the dominant top side of things and have met with dominant bottoms, which I either fight with (fun!) or I turn into a submissive top. depending on my mood. Hard to explain to people.

how would you explain the difference to someone who isn't into BDSM in term of scenes or whips or play parties or dungeons or... they are kinky and do power exchange but they aren't into leather or lifestyle. what those words mean? the difference between them?

they are label adverse so I'm doing my best to keep it simple. You know how in 101 you learn sort of basic terminology and general ideas that in 400 levels you find out aren't actually true? That.

Thank you for this thread, and I hope more people will share their experiences and thoughts.

I read all of the BDSM threads, not to have you all educate me because I'm lazy and can't do it myself, but because you're real people with real lives, and somehow it makes it easier for me to understand something that I have never been exposed to myself.

Anyhoo...thank you:rrose:

*Bumping* a good topic

Yeah... not always easy to explain. Okay, the 101 view

Loosely speaking tops/dominants would drive whatever action would occur, bottoms/submissives follow (or receive).

But there are nuances.

If it's SM play, the top would wield the implement, the bottom receives it. In a power dynamic the dominant controls/has authority, the submissive is controlled.

However, I know sadistic tops who are sexually submissive. I know dominant masochists ("You'll hurt me this way").

And sex? It's whatever is comfortable for the individual.

If speaking in general terms, I tend to lump dominants, sadists (drivers) into "top" and submissives, masochists (receivers) into "bottom". If speaking in a leather or BDSM environment I use narrower terms: top/bottom for physical play and dominant/submissive for power dynamic. And then there's the whole Master/slave combination...

I do prefer to use dominant or dom and not domme, because dominant (like top) isn't gender specific and domme is a made up asb usenet thing.

That's my take.

/aside -
Domme is no longer asb made up term - I worked (and still occasionally) as a Pro-Domme. And the word Domme is used, in Real life, in the flesh, canada and the UK escort sex work (if that's where it came from?), and I used to go to Femmedomme nights at pansexual blah blah things. So the word has been out there for a good 10-12 years, in the flesh. And made up words do make the leap into regular language too ("LOL" etc... now something people say in person).

/tangential opinion

I see top as do'er, active, yes. rather then, controller. I was trying to get that clarity from people who didn't have the langauge and finding it difficult.

no longer, at the moment, as I'm taking a break from everything, but it's not easy to articulate.

anyone else have a different take? anyone ID as a top, rather than a dominant? and why?

Bottom. I remember dating this woman who made love to me, then she said 'my turn' and I wasn't very interested. I'm really not very interested.

Deborah

I am not a sub and I am not a dominant (or a domme).

Sometimes I bottom and sometimes I top.

I enjoy both immensely.

It is never a "my turn" thing and I would not be very interested in sex being a "take turns" kind of interaction.

I totally enjoy the give and take, in a sensual, pleasuring, hot sex kind of way.

I absolutely love making love to a woman.

I guess that is my way of being a lesbian.

Identity is not a "one size fits all" kind of thing to me.

When starting in SM, I was Top and Top only until I met someone with true Alpha energy. I am now a very spoiled submissive masochist to my long term Dominant. Somewhat of a "pillow princess" or "do me queen" most of the time.

Outside of that D/s power exchange relationship, I am quite Dominant. My Dom and I came up with a term for it...Dominant masochist.

I rarely Top scenes at home anymore unless requested by my Dom. In play parties or dungeons, I always Top.

What can I say? Enjoy control, but also endorphins. Got to lose control to get those wonderful endorphins or the rare coveted subspace.