Pansexuality
 

I'm not pansexual, but I have a question. What is the real difference between pansexual, pomosexual and polysexual? Every definition I've heard of these appears to come down to the same/similar thing (possibility of attraction to any gender/sex identity, no matter the "label"). Also, why do those who identify as such prefer these to queer? Queer suggests the same thing (attraction to, or affiliation with non-heteronormative identities/relationships/dynamics) and predates the use of these terms (so obviously people saw a need to come up with other terms).

I guess I'm just wondering how those who identify their sexuality as such perceive their sexuality, or how pansexuality differs from pomosexuality/polysexuality or queer identity.

Not pansexual, but I don't identify as "queer" because when I was growing up, "queer" was an euphenism for mentally deficient. I understand it's been reclaimed, but I've never gotten totally away from that and so it's not what I choose to call myself.

Call me out if I'm wrong, but I thought "pansexuality" differed from bisexual in that it is not defined by a two-gender arrangement but encompasses all ("pan") gender expression. I've never heard of pomosexual/polysexual, though.

well so far I've learned "pomosexual" and "sapiosexual"... good reads so far.


And kix - that Signature banner is FANTASTIC!

Pansexual- Someone who can be attracted ALL genders

Pomosexual- Someone who does not label their sexual orientation

Polysexual- Someone who is attracted to some genders but not all

Why thank you. :)

Pansexuality
 

I am a pansexual. I have found individuals from all the genders attractive, though that does not mean I want to have sex with them all. The intelligence and the spiritual beauty of the human being is what attracts me. Though having a more feminine energy to counter act my masculine energy (the whole Yin and Yang this), is a big plus (but not necessary). :rose:

OMG YES
 

So I came out as bi when I was 15. I thought it fit me.
(I was totally unaware of the bi-phobia of the scene, at this point.) :vigil:

When I was like... 18 I read about Alan Cummings (I love him) being pansexual. Then I read about Beth Ditto being pansexual. I was like... What is this??
Aaaaand then I read it and I decided it was like all of the sudden I had a label. I wasn't just kinky and greedy and unworthy of love, I could express my sexuality in the way I feel it. And I know that labels are for soup cans, but I feel that having a label for myself has helped me stay... okay.

I didn't have to be defined by the binary anymore. Then I learned the difference between "cis" and "trans" and I have never gone back! :P

I define myself as "one third straight," because I am attracted to people who are more masculine than me, and those typically are cis-males, cis-females, and trans-males. This doesn't mean I hate trans-females, but they are typically more feminine than me, and I simply cannot be out-femmed.

ALSO, this is my first post!! YAAAY!

Journey to pansexuality...long introduction
 

What a coincidence to find this post today.

I was about to post something about not identifying as a lesbian and feeling uncomfortable around lesbians, in general, having a very hard time with enforced labelling and having to constantly out myself in bars/clubs...

I found a video on youtube about someone IDing as pansexual and I was like woohoo! Finally found the label that I'm comfortable with, though I felt more on the Pomosexual side. I love the SapioSexual label as well, so I guess I could use Pansapiosexual...

A bit about my journey:

I don't have the desire to belong I used to have when I came out 10 years ago @36 and stayed lesbian-id-ed for 3 years . It took me a while to realise that I was femme and exclusively attracted to butches.

A magical encounter with a butch in San Francisco shook me to the core and confirmed my femme identity. Funnily, we didn't have sex but kissed and slept in each other's arms. I get teary eyed just remembering that night.

After going through a terrifyingly lonely asexual period when I felt attraction to no one, I went back to dating men, briefly id-ed as bisexual, though it never felt right, then became completely straight, with the odd fleeting attraction to women.

I felt like a traitor to lesbians, and even a gay guy friend told me that if I became straight again he would stop talking to me. I understood the political ramifications of being visible and vocal about being a lesbian. As a feminist, I felt lesbianism was truly feminist in action and felt heterosexuality was feeding the patriarchal fire.

I didn't want to be invisible and pass, when I id-ed as lesbian, though I felt that I was truly invisible in the lesbian community when I made myself visible ,being often shunned and regarded as a pretty toy who would go back to men ( which I eventually did and felt ashamed of).

It all started when my ex bisexual bf showed up at the lesbian bar and I ended up sleeping with him. ( I hadn't seen him in 8 years). I invited him to the bar many times afterwards,as a friend, we briefly tried to rekindle the relationship but it was a huge mistake.

I said nothing to my lesbian friends, but my het friend I confided in told one of them and within a few weeks, they stopped calling me. I had no idea why, until I met one of them a few months afterward and she told me: you are straight now...

I'm sharing this here, because it might help someone who experienced the same thing but could never share it.

Ever since I was a child, I felt other, not knowing what it meant really. I developed a feminist consciousness very early, and became gender identified with female when I reached puberty.

Before that, I was a tomboy with no interest in typically feminine pursuits, way of acting, etc...

My mother enforced feminity on me because she was adamant that I'd be a procreative female with a husband ( I am adopted so the procreative agenda was very high on my mother's list).

I didn't have feelings for girls, outside of feeling butterflies in my stomach playing getting married with a short haired butchy friend when I was about 7 years old.I soon became the typical girly teenager obsessed with boys, make up, etc...It took me a few years to re-appropriate what I call the theatre of femininity...as mine.I love glamour, movie stars from the golden era, etc...

As a child, I hated heteronormative life, the procreative agenda, the white picket fence thing, gender based tasks...I always loved children and spent a few years taking care of children. It was the scripted life with children that I didn't like.

With men, though it was easy to enjoy casual sex with them, I was frustrated with the enforcing of the script within a relationship, the silliness of the dating world bored me to tears.

I experienced frustration and deep disappointment when I had to abandon my ideas of equality and pushing a feminist agenda, as deep down, it appeared that even men who were clearly feminist in their words didn't actively support feminism in their actions because of living in a heteronormative context.

I rarely shared my lesbian experience,.It was something sacred I didn't feel comfortable sharing with a heterosexual man, until I was sure it wasn't going to be used for titillation purposes.

The past 10 years, I have seriously involved myself in conscious living, striving to have a healthy body (finally getting there), developing a loving consciousness.

Part of that devotion to being aware and awake is the realisation that first and foremost, I want to be loving with eyes and heart wide open. I also want to have a sexuality that is free, liberating, healing. I jokingly say; My sexual orientation is towards maximum pleasure.

I don't want to have to hide parts of myself or my past to be accepted and to an extension, to be loved. I often get that look from butches that I'm "dangerous", as one of them said. It would be very easily for me to "act lesbian" and create a lesbian past. I've never been married, don't have kids and have no close family. It would be so easy to create this fake gold card carrying lesbian identity. Ironically, being honest and open is not getting to the open loving that I want.

I also want someone to be home for me, whether friend or lover, and to be home for them. I don't feel at home in the lesbian world, no matter how much I try. I feel like a guest. I can love a woman fully, body and soul, but didn't have the opportunity to do so, mostly because the relationships never deepened with time...possibly from fear of "betrayal" on my part because of the "she'll go back to men" syndrome. At this point of my life, I really want a full love, unrestricted by "what ifs" and labels, and I think pansexual sounds very right.


To get back to the pansexual identification, one thing that I really enjoy about this label is the fact that it can be all about identifying with Love with a capital L.

Thanks for reading thus far.

Caffeinelover, I am so happy you have found your happiness now. I am so sorry for all the shit you went through, but it seems that you are stronger now. <3

Our community can't say with a "straight" face that "all love is equal" if we limit the expression of love or intimacy within it. I've been openly criticized for "conforming to hetero definitions of beauty" because I wore makeup or had cute shoes on. Conversely, I've been described as having gone "full dyke" by friends straight and gay for shaving my head!!

Be who you want to be and love who you want to love, that's what I believe.

ok, this might be semantics, but does not the act of claiming oneself to be pomosexual negate the definition? I am not being a smart ass...I am just confused...

and to address the OP....I have learned something today. I am more pansexual than I am bisexual. I do not believe there are only 2 genders, so I always struggled with calling myself bisexual. I am married to male bodied female spirited person. I have been engaged to FtMs and transgendered folks and stone butches. Until my husband, I have not been drawn to feminine energy. I like masculine energy, but chrissy and I are HOT together. So I am off now to change my ID in my profile..thanks for giving me the right label...for now.:moonstars:

Miss_Tia: I was just thinking the same thing!
Again, not being a smart ass, but I agree. :yeahthat:

Online dating options as pan-sexual...oh boy
 

I found a website that has a pan-sexual box, but there was no feature for an advanced search to narrow down preferences within gender presentation, spectrum, sexual orientation, though there was a selection box for transgender...

As a result, a pansexual profile would appear on the search results for straight men, which creates problem when one is non hetero-normative conforming.

I can be attracted to bio men, technically, but they need to have some kind of queerness and non-conformism about them...

At least, the site had a pan-sexual box option.

jus' me 2 cents...
 

Easy Love
 

Technically, I'm pansexual but out of stubbornness & being sentimental, I continue to maintain bisexual to my ID's.

As some here have already explained, many of us are just open to chemistry with others in a very fluid vein. It interests/amazes/pisses me off how difficult this is for others to understand.

I agree that sexuality is complicated and often more fluid than we assume. I still identify as Queer, and not pansexual, but I definitely fall on the more fluid side of things.

I have my very, very strong preferences when it comes to affinities and sexual attractions. The Butch/Femme dynamic is where my heart really lies and I have partnered mainly with trans men, though I am also attracted to Butch women and genderqueer folks. People who play with/fuck with gender yank my chain. Every now and again a Femme will catch my eye--usually in a strictly sexual/I want to Dominate them way.

Generally speaking, I am less attracted to cis men. I've never said never, but it hadn't ever happened since I was in high school (till now!). Again, attraction-wise, it's like an every now and again thing. I am attracted to Queer masculinity--so if there is a certain quality a cis man has, I can be attracted. I find myself attracted to really faggy gay men more often than any other gender incarnation on the cis man side of things, and also cis men who aren't "traditionally" masculine. (Whatever that means, but that's the best way I can say it.)

Currently I am partnered with a cis man which is a very unusual experience for me and caused an identity crisis for me for a LONG time. But it forced me to really, REALLY become secure in my identity as a Femme and know that my gender identity is my own and not dependent on who I am and am not fucking. I have always said that about Femmes, but when I was faced with living it--it was really fucking intense.

I've been given shit about my partner, and felt invisible, heartbroken at times, and felt like my Queer identity has been called into question. BUT, I now am more fierce than ever. I can fucking tell you that much.

When it comes down to it, I am into a certain type of magical exchange between masculinity and femininity. I have learned I CAN share that with a cis man. Low and behold. So, who the hell cares? My Femme-ness isn't ANY different than it was before I was with him. I don't know why people have to get so rabid about sexualities that are more fluid, or if someone happens to have a relationship that falls out of what we traditionally think a Butch or FTM or Femme (I know that's not an inclusive list) "SHOULD" have.

Oh, and my partner identifies as pansexual.