|
What Cracked You Up Today?
Ok, I looked and couldnt find this thread so if it exists already I apologize.
I just cracked up because Jack accidentally pushed the wrong #s on the tv remote and it asked her if she wanted to pay per view a show called "Filthy Suck Sluts 2". She yelled at me "BAAAAABBBEEEE, you need to get this porno shit OFF OF MY FUCKING TV" so she proceeds to flail her arms and push multiple buttons and another show pops up. This time its "Big Horny Wet Asses 7" She yelled again, "BAAABBBEEEEEEE, there's some WET ASSES and shit on the tv and I WANT IT OFF OF THERE" and by this time, I was laughing so hard that I could barely see the tv anyway. So she whips her head around at me while I was bent over laughing behind her and she says, "BAAABBBEEEEEE, isnt there a way to block this shit? I dont want the family coming over here at Christmas and being embarrassed by Filthy Fisting Whores or Slutty Gooch Suckers...I mean, THIS SHIT IS NOT IN THE FUCKING HOLIDAY SPIRIT" ROTFLMAOOOO |
Quote:
Yeah. You don't want the family to see "Big Horny Wet Asses 7" because it's really not as good as "Big Horny Wet Asses 3" and "Big Horny Wet Asses 4". Damned sequels. :threadneedspics: |
https://www.bordergatewayprotocol.ne...imations/1.swf
Warning - explicit language. Courtesy of an old school buddy of mine who at times, makes me "miss" home. LOL |
|
Ok Medusa that was great! Thank you!
:freak: ((this gal doens't look like she's freaking, just laughing real hard to me O_O)) i so needed that this morning |
Me (talking to a friend at work yesterday) - How are you gentlemen?
Him - All your beer are belong to us. Me - Oh noes! Not my beer in a bucket! Him - Watch it, or else ceiling cat will take all beer AND buckets away from you. Me - So, I CAN'T has cheezeburger? Him - No, however you can bake me more of those pumpkin cookies. Me - THEN can I has cheezeburger? Him - I thought you wanted beer? Me - Not really, I have some PBR in my fridge still. |
I crack up constantly at the stuff NJFemmie finds to torment me with. Sure, she posts it "for everyone" but I secretly know it's just to make me :spit:
|
My friend Mel who got drunk and wasted and passed out at my place. Her husband's all pissed off. Asshole. Ha!
|
roflmccao
ok so this morning i get this text message from daughter that says:
Text: Hey don't say anything but guess who is still together after all the shit between them....... :hamactor: :hamactor: :hamactor: and then nothing so i get nosey and start texting ' :deepthoughts: who.. who....... :confused: her response: your buttcheeks :rofl: i have been laffing all day |
Lookin' out my back patio door tonight and seein' one of our friendly neighborhood raccoons chillin' on my patio eatin' a big 'ol grilled STEAK! :wtf: Where the hell did he get a STEAK? :rofl: And why did he bring it to MY back patio to eat it? :simplelaugh: I guess some of the other neighbors are feedin' him and his friends better than I am! :danglecarrot: Not sure if the neighborhood cats were happy that he wasn't eatin' their catfood I put out for them, or jealous that he had a steak! :giggle:
Wonderin' what his opossum friends might bring to the party? :D |
|
Quote:
What happens if you don't have "saggy bums"? Jus' askin'.... cause I "ain't got NO bums at all!!" Flat as a pancake it is!! ... guess I'm SOL.... AGAIN! Bummer!! I'm just plain BUMMED OUT!! |
Quote:
|
Cyndi Lauper..
"Muggles are wizards.. Muggles are wizards" |
my never ending faith in humanity is now a source of hilarity to me. ripped off to the tune of $300, almost out of coffee, and definitely out of ideas...
all i can do is laugh what else is there? :cracked: |
Quote:
Damn! That sucks! |
So I have a new apt manager and she is HOT... Ive been by before and we talked for awhile and we both love dogs... She showed me hers well her dog LOL and asked me to bring Simon by. So today I decided on my day off to walk down with him to the office.
We walk in and she is cooing and loving on him complimenting on what a wonderful sweet cute dog he is... And then Simon does it he sticks his nose right in between her tits and buries his face there... I start pulling on the leash calling to him Simon stop son... She is giggling and saying its alright, and Im thinking in my head you cant blame the dog he is smart after all LOL A few minutes go by we talk as Im paying rent, and she comes to love on him some more as we are sitting on the couch in the office... he puts his head right back between her tits... ( she has a low cut shirt on) this time without thinking I take my hand and go to move his head and grab her tit. Embarassed as all get out I jump up and start heading for the door and trip ono Simons leash... Im ready to just dig a hole and bury myself... She is making sure Im ok and with a smile on her face she says, all this because you touched my tit ? LOL we both start laughing and I explain I wasnt trying to get fresh with her I was trying to correct my dogs inappropriateness... LOL |
Quote:
You, Gemmie, CRACK ME UP!!! |
Waking up this morning to Jackhammer sucking on my back :|
:rofl: |
thanks for reminding me, violaine!
|
people being controled by other lmao
|
a very interesting day yesterday... so filled with stuff that I may need to sleep all day today to recover... and so many things CRACKED me up that I can't list them all right now... you'd get bored reading them all!
Mom drove me down to my sister's new Condo in Maryland for the first time... as she'd go around corners, she'd holler "HANG ON GIZZY!" (mom's dog in the back seat) Poor Gizzy would have to hang on for dear life and her long ears would go flopping around, one time she got tossed out of her little basket and I had to grab the "Oh Shit" bar! I thought we were only going down for an Easter Lunch and to drop off a few things.... At lunch my sister very firmly said "Oh, after we go to Lowe's and get back to the condo, I'm going to PUT YOU TO WORK!" (she knows how to push my buttons...cuz she knows I LOVE LOVE LOVE home-improvement projects!) She picked out the paint... "Apple Cider"... that she swears is a light tan with "a little spice"... When I started to "cut in" around the baseboards and door, the color CRACKED ME UP! I said "Annie, this is PEACH!" Of course she argued with me... "Annie, I swear this is PEACH!! Are you sure you want me to go on?"... she insisted it was okay and "when we get the whole wall done, it will look okay... it's just because it's next to the old gray stuff that makes it look that way." "BUT ANNIE, IT'S PEACH!!! then I mumble to myself... "good thing your nickname in school was Peachy!" Mom and Annie were squabbling the WHOLE time... nit-picking and fussing... but this is SO NORMAL for them. They were like two cats fighting over tuna!! So I get out my MP3 and headset..crank it up...and get blissfully busy painting... about an hour into my fun with the PEACHY walls, when I was up the ladder (which is WAY better than being "up the creek..."), Momma tugged on the cuff to my jeans. I nearly jumped outa my skin cuz I was so blissfully involved... I take my headset off, and she says "we were YELLING at you to come help Annie hang the chandelier"... I chuckled and responded "I'm sorry Momma, I had you and Annie on IGNORE!" On the way home, while hanging onto Gizzy and my OH SHIT bar through Baltimore highways, I get into a very intriguing, electrifying, LIGHT HEARTED, FUN text convo with a friend who LOVES to CRACK me up and go "toe to toe" with me joking around. I must admit, they gave me a running for my money yesterday! I think we have a silent running bet on which one can stumble up the other first? ... Momma kept askin "what are you two talking about, you're burning up that phone!" ... I promptly told her, while BLUSHING and grinning, "Momma, you remember the joke about my homemade Stuffed French Toast?..... "It's better than SEX!" ...the rest of the way home, she didn't ask again :cheesy: ;) ;) But the whole time, I was thinkin' "GOD I hope she didn't see that!"...and I kept picturing blueberries and stuffed french toast!! ;) ;) Just as we get near home, we killed the phone battery!! My message to that friend... THANKS for keeping me sane and BUSY on the way home!! Because of you, I survived Momma's driving!! (and learned how to hold a Dime again!! ;) ;) ) :freetoaster: :freetoaster: :freetoaster: |
Hearing Theo this morning say "OH Myron .. what are you doing"? What's Myron doing? Myron is hanging with his butt over the ledge, his body making odd moves and then he......... :crap: ......... Theos face :blah:..........:seconddoh: ME :pointing: |
Quote:
He was just thanking you for all those yummy crickets!!! |
What REALLY cracked me up today...
after being in Logistics/Warehouse Management for MANY years (and being a prude about organized materials).... My new boss's warehouse filing system cracked me up so bad I just had to take pictures and share... http://i815.photobucket.com/albums/z...g?t=1270580367 http://i815.photobucket.com/albums/z...g?t=1270580432 |
Looks at above post and thinks your new boss needs some direction in lean manufacturing and 5S.
|
Quote:
I am accustomed to a "shop" being messy...like my step-dad's old garage. But it looks like Blade and I would have our hands FULL trying to wade through their shop and clean things up!!! He's in need of Lean Manufacturing, indeed!! The other thing that CRACKED me up... I asked where his MSDS books were? He said "MSDS...MSDS...(squeezing his eyes shut and thinking...) I know that term... What does MSDS mean?" OMG!! All I did was smile and say "Material Safety Data Sheets...I take it you don't have a MSDS Book? Has OSHA paid you a visit? |
Office Supplies...
So, I'm a new "office assistant" for someone in the home repair business. I was just cleaning off my desk and looking for scotch tape because he handed me a BUNCH of estimate papers all crumbled and torn. I've worked in and LOVE construction trades... "High Power Priss with Power Tools"... and I cracked up when I reached for my office tape and all I could find was black electrical tape!! That is SOOOOO me!! Don't ask me for a nail file or pretty polish to touch up your nails at work (I go to Joanne in the next cubical if I break a nail!)... but I've got black electrical tape, zip ties of every size, and power tools!! LMAO!! Time to make a trip to Staples for the see through kind of tape and paper clips... cause zip ties just won't do!! |
This morning, Mare calls me to the kitchen window to witness a showdown between two neighborhood cats. One I know belongs to the neighbor across the street, and the other is a stray Mare has seen many times before.
Well, I turn to Mare and tell Her that if they start having at it, I'm going out there. (I really have issues seeing animals fight). Well, they started, and I bolted out of the door barefoot (I am not a go outside barefoot in the middle of the street too often person) with my mismatched pajama boxers and tee shirt ensemble - not to mention my divine morning hair. I run toward them, flailing my arms while trying not to yell 'too' loud (it was still pretty early in the morning). One cat bolts one way, the other, the other way - and afterwards - the neighbor's cat sits in front of his house staring straight at our house probably thinking "WTF was that with the crazy hair and is it coming back out?" Mare cracks up, I crack up, and I am hoping a few neighbors aren't cracking up because of it ... :| (But it was pretty funny in a "had to be there" moment.) |
Looking for my glasses and they were on top of my head!! :huhlaugh:
|
How funny my dog looks when I shave him!!!
Anybody need some Willy Wool for their birdies to make their nests? (see gallery) |
Bob barking at the thunder and rain. I swear the dog would kick that storm's ass if he could catch it!!
|
Watching my roomie and his girlfriend do the "you stay on your side of the couch" we're actually 10 play slap fighting. *grin*
|
All the kitties are outside sun bathing..
except our lil basement cat... He is sitting in the cool shadow of the house watching the others outside.. grin... |
The image of Moby Dick being stuffed and mounted above Sweet's bed. :fishswim:
|
My internal... PHOOEY when I click on someone's pic gallery button and there are none!! I'm sooooo transparent, sometimes!!!
:thud: |
|
balls
Quote:
"Receiving oral sex in the middle of a practice field, then ignoring orders to go to the office and going to class instead?" |
In Mass today, a somewhat bald guy tried to cover up his bald spot with 1 strand of hair. Please. :huhlaugh::superfunny::pointing: |
my little psycho kitty attacking a big ass dog. He jump, leaps in the air and grabs his leg, attempts to drag him across the floor but he's too big! So the dog reaches around the bite the kitty and the kitty clamps onto his nose hanging there as the dog yelps and tosses his head.
I wish i had a video of this |
| All times are GMT -6. The time now is 12:59 AM. |
ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018