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Anger and Gender Smashing
why do some women (not all!!!) when angry and/irrate, kick you is in your gender or your cock?
when that woman is not angry does/would her comments make you feel cockless does it make you feel incomplete? and why would someone attack the very core of your struggle the core of your inner exsistance that could have taken yuo/someone years to become completely at peace with? just wonderign if this has happened to anyone and if so, how does one heal from it? |
Don't know, perhaps some don't fight well. My gender isn't in the hands of another. Be who you are and don't allow others to define who you are.
ETA: Butches can be just as callous to Femmes. |
agreed no one controls anothers gender!!!
i think i am more askning if you could ever unconditionally respect that person again and probalby asking why such low blows? |
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I would not respect that person any longer.. I may forgive them, but I will hold no respect for someone that "throws" things in your face on a daily/wkly basis. By the time it's all over and you break up, there is nothing left of your self. You feel belittled. Just be glad you are on the road to getting your self respect back!! Good luck! |
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Trust them again? Depends on the history of the person, who the person is, and the situation. Only you can answer that, I think. |
Hi Dario and welcome to the BFP!, I hope you don't mind a femme speaking up? I agree with Strappie, words can be just as hurtful and I too would have a hard time trusting or respecting anyone that every time you are in a fight or disagreement, they throw low blows such as attacking the person you are, That is emotional and verbally abusive and I am sorry to hear this is something you've had to experience.
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This sums it up. If they are choosing to berate you when they are angry, it isn't about you, this is their "stuff." No excuses though, bad behavior is bad behavior.
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i supose i have learned years ago, that no matter the situation, you never attack a persons physical or emotional arenas. i do not understand the concept of being callous to folks especially ones yuo love. no matter how intense the fight is, for me it is just wrong to try and purposefully inflict pain.
i welcome thoughts and replies from anyone, opinions are much welcomed and un=judged. |
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I commend you for not being around ppl that treat you like this. But from my own past sometimes it's unavoidable. You date the person for a while then when you are IN it or INVESTED in the relationship their true colors SHINE bright. But not before they know we are invested. I personally think I'm a very good judge of character, sometimes those people are VERY good at hiding whom they really are till they have you sucked in. In my opinion it is 100% Verbal Abuse! In Dario's case, it's verbal abuse! |
Strappie:
the bait and switch is the absolute worst game ever. you are right they encapsulate you and once they lose a 'sense of emotional control' they turn complete opposite. unfortunately yuo are right the emotional invetsment on the unsuspecting person is too great to just walk away. then one day yuo have enough and the walls rise and whammo you are just as cold emotionally as they are. not a trait i enjoy but when it comes to survival...what choice is left\? |
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In my opinion, there is never a reason to so completely lose control that you verbally strike at the person where you know it will hurt the most. There is no excuse for it. And when that person is your partner, the one you trusted, let in, shared yourself with...and they use that knowledge and sharing to hurt you in fit of anger...that is particularly disgusting and very wrong.
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corkey; some are just too professional at the bait and switch, as easy as breathing and as natural as food. almost as if the game itself is what pumps the blood!
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Dario, All I can tell you is.. Pick yourself up (I know it's hard, because we beat ourselves up thinking it is our fault) but in time you will find yourself again and the bitterness and anger that you are feeling right now will slowly go away. You WILL regain yourself worth back and once again be yourself. Good luck to you!! |
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That piece of advice holds for anyone. |
Strappie:
i am not bitter and not angry!!! i have moved on quite nicely actually. but they are questions i posed because fact is, i dont talk much personal stuff, and just wondreerd really how many have had tht experience! |
First of all...Shame on those who aim for the belt of your soul. :readfineprint: I consider this type of exchange to be somewhat of a Mechanism check. They are checking for your vulnerabilities. However, in turn...you can measure your inner strengths. Measure twice, cut once ~ as they say. :coffee: These are moments that build our Character. They are also moments when we realize the rotten core of the Apples we brought into our lives and set at our tables. Every so often, I find myself having to re-assess my own collection of 'Apples'. Some are still as shiny as the day I chose them. Some of them...not so much. Some have yet to show me their Core. :eyebrow: It is up to me how I allow the rotten Cores to effect my Character. :koolaid: Remember the old grade school game '...Apple Core...who's yer friend?' :thinking: Someone would announce a name, and said Apple Core would get launched at the persons name that was called out. Learn to Duck quickly, my friend. More importantly ~ Build upon that which others use to as weapons. :peacelove: ETA ~ I've had my share of folks who aimed at the length of my hair in order to attempt a sideswipe at mah Butchness. I thank them for assisting in building my Character as it is today. :weedsmoke: :daywalker: |
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I always thought I could trust my inner instinct, my gut, as to whether someone was "safe" or not. I operated for alot of my life like that. Then I seemed to get into a series of relationships that started out all wonderful, then became inexplicitely abusive, mentally, verbally and emotionally. I am gun-shy now? Yeah, kinda. Will I keep at least a part of me either behind that wall, or at the very least have my "bricks and mortar" ready to throw up fast? Yeah, probably. Do I hate hate hate being like this? Yes! I am not a Pollyanna in any way, but I AM a believer in the good of most people, and I certainly am a believer in love, and want that again in my life. |
Sorry that happened to you. Sometimes when people are hurt and angry they strike out blindly at your most vulnerable places. I dont know if they mean it or not or if you should forgive....but I think you have to look at the whole situation and make sure you were not doing any button pushing and escalating the situation.
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