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Accidents, Mishaps and Injuries During Sex!
I thought it might be fun to share experiences that might have been horrifying when they occurred but you can fondly recall and laugh about now.
I'll go first... Scenario #1: Super fancy weekend in a hotel with my love. First sexual encounter. I go to switch from my back to doggy style and kick hym in the side of the head. Jackie Chan would have been proud. It wasn't a knock out but I believe it was close. :seeingstars: Scenario #2: In the shower getting our soap on. One of us slips and falls out then sliiiiiiiiiiiiides across the bathroom floor. The memory of the sound of ass sliding on floor still makes me giggle. Next!! |
Wow what a start,let me check in my memorie banks and see what can come up
with.Oh yes,the first time,this girl I had dated and I wen't on a horse back ride pick nick. After a while we got to getting it on(off) it was one hot role in the grass,unfortunatly we weren't careful about staying on the blanket,the next day we both were in the doctors office with a poison ivy rash that was every where,i'm not sure we ever could get over the looks from our parents even though they never ask any questions or our friends who did ask all kinds of questions. More later. |
Here's one I wrote for a butch-femme East Coast list serve about 9 years ago (I did a search in my email account to find it!). This is from when BB and I first got together and went on our first trip to a B&B in Woodstock, NY. The writing style sure is a little goofy but I think it's best to leave things unedited even if it makes it even more embarrassing!
""Draw us a bath," hy commands. Slave-girl Jennifer gets up from the bed in which the king and she are relaxing (Go to http://www.thewildroseinn.com and then click on "Rooms" and then on "The Cherokee Rose Junior Suite."). She goes to the small jacuzzi bathtub located in their private bathroom. Princess Jenny sets out the royal bathmat and turns on the water. She then sees a tiny button that turns on the jacuzzi and presses it, igniting a low rumbling purr. She finds a Mr. Bubbles' bubble bath and adds that to the running water. Envisioning a darkly sophisticated bathing experience with her master, she calls out to her Daddi that the bath is almost ready. Master BB arrives in the buff, all ready to get into the luxurious bath with hys little girl, only the stream of water is tiny so it is filling up the tub incredibly slowly. Little Jenny sits in the tub monitoring the water, while her Butch stands above her on the bathmat waiting for the tub to fill. Then all of a sudden, the lotion-like water (thanks to all the Mr. Bubble Bath) literally shoots up into the air like a fountain, drenching Sir BB, like an amusement park gimmick. BB screams, and then after a pause, it happens again. "The bathtub is cumming on me!" yells BB. It is like the Brady Bunch episode when one of the kids accidentally adds too much detergent to the washing machine, and the whole basement fills up with suds, exciting and panic-inducing, all at once. Jennifer is befuddled, bemused, and bewitched! Within a minute, it is figured out that she should have waited until the water level had risen above the whirlpool holes in the tub before turning on the jacuzzi. After the jacuzzi is shut off, there is more laughter and screeching as the two plush lovers figure out how they will both fit in the tiny tub. They are able to assume a few yoga like poses that cannot be tolerated for more than a few minutes. It is their first bath together and a memorable one at that!" :rubberducky::rubberducky::rubberducky: |
A trip in the way back machine.....
First Mishap: My best gal and I were enjoying each others company in the back of my car outside of a nightclub AFTER closing time. The windows were getting cloudy, no light came in, we did not care. :) After a while, a knock on the window, "Hello anyone in there?" asks the nice police officer. "It is 5 o'clock in the morning, time to move on." Rolled the window down just a hair and thanked him for the time.
Second Funhap: I thought I was a real cool cat and fly toward her side of the bed. Evidently, my adrenaline was misunderestimated. I completely overshot the bed and landed close to the wall. On my face. She laughed, I laughed. Fun ensued.:) |
we feel off the bed once , and knocked over a lamp ....... this was many yrs ago .. lol |
But... but... I was depositing coins in my dream!
My (now ex) gf and I had a huge fight and went to bed still upset with each other.
In my dream, I was happy to find shiny coins and started dropping them into a coin bank. I woke up to her screaming: "What the f@*# are you doing?!!!!" Oh goddddddddd... my fingers had sleptwalked towards her..... After that, I've told my workmates that none of them can share hotel beds with me during out-of-town projects. Good grief. |
Park Ranger...
at the lake: we were caught NOT catching fish.
we had to pay for a nights stay! Her ashes (RIP my Dear Dot)...were later with Mr. Ranger and I given back to the lake with a lifetime membership! |
TMI alert
My partner was fucking me once in a position where he was standing and I was lying on the bed and my hips were off the bed and he was holding them up. Got visual? Ok, good.
When we were done, he went let go/walk away and I was like NO, if you just walk away like that I am going to fall. I asked him to help me get back on the bed. He tells me: "just grab your ankles and flip over." I said: "do I look like a fucking monkey to you?" A mini argument proceeded where I protested his letting go to no avail. My partner let me go, turned around and starting walking around the bed. Sure enough, I fell off. I landed in a crumpled heap on the hardwood floor. It took him a second to realize something was "off". Then he turned back around and saw me on the floor. He looked all shocked and ran towards me and said (all concerned like): "Baby what happened???!?!?!" Yes, he was dead serious. I was like, really? Did we not just have this conversation? |
Sex
Sex is wot posh people put potatoes in.
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Picture this: a secluded stretch of road off the beaten path, a steamed up and shimmying car, a little (okay, a lot) of passenger side seat sex and an approaching party of drunk hunters (with rifles in hand) upset about strangers being on their land.
Not only did we both nearly have heart attacks from the interruption and ensuing hunt and drop and hunt and drop of the keys in our efforts to get away, but I wound up with a nasty friction burn on one of my knees from where the seat belt connection rubbed through my stockings. Who knew that my little car could run like The General Lee? |
Years back, I tried to be all sexy, lingerie, dimming the lights, sauntering across the room to light candles, catching my acrylic thumbnail on fire. I casually blew it out and tried to recover such a sexy moment. It didn't work.
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A couple of years ago...we were a new couple and I was doing My darndest to impress her with everything I could pull out of the butch handbook.
After spending some time together ( a few months) it was clear we were going to move forward and begin a sexual relationship. Great meal... candles.. music... scented sheets.... every detail to grooming tended to... What could go wrong? Without giving details... I had spent considerable time eating at the "Y" ... and was not aware she had squirmed her way down the bed...Me following her... when I went to shift and come back for more.... I toppled off the side of the bed....it hurt... but could I tell her that... nope... I limped back to bed and resumed the night's activities..... |
A month ago... the girl and I were in the shower.... and things had heated up considerably...we ended up pleasuring each other several ways... each time more intense than the last... finally we decided to continue out of the shower and when I got out of the shower after her...I pushed her against the door...and it continued for a bit ...after getting to My feet again... I winked at her... stepped back and ended up doing a "Bambi on Ice" routine.. skidding across the bathroom floor and crashing toes into the base of the toilet.
I limped out of the bathroom and managed to keep up with her. I didn't need my toes for anything ..... *G |
It is no secret I live the BDSM Lifestyle with My girl. The first time I tied her up I was super serious. I set the scene. I made sure I was commanding her attention. She knew I was her Dominant. There was no doubt. Her headspace and Mine ... intense. I spent a good deal of time letting her know she was not going to be able to escape. I had her hands bound over her head... feet spread and bound to the end of the table. I had two straps from side to side to hold her in place. One strap just above her breasts. The other low over her hips. I leaned over and in My most stern voice I described what I was going to do to her. To reinforce My words... I grabbed the strap and tugged on it to show her it was tight. And that is when it happened....
POW!!!!!!!! I punched Myself right in the eye. So much for setting the scene. |
Once a long time ago(and has happened sense) while having a long, slow, easy sex I had a leg cramp from hell.I had to stop , there wasn't anything else to do.I tried to role off the bed easy instead I fell off. Knocking the wine stand over ending up laying in ice and spilled wine.I really wanted to impress this lady bad,we had a good laugh after it was all over..humor is wonderful.
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Me Date
We was getting all cosy an I was whispering sweet nothings in her lughole and then...she went an got a puncture, ah well.:|
an me bloody 12 month warranty ad just run out...bugger |
It wasn't exactly an injury ...
I was with my ex for about 9 years. Between her and I and her sister who also lived in the house we had five dogs.
When we would have sex in our bedroom all the dogs would gather around and watch us. One of the dogs would get upset and start barking. Then another dog got in the habit of jumping up on the bed with us and pawing at us. I guess she thought something was wrong. After one too many scratch marks I demanded that we start having sex in the guest room and leave the dogs in the bedroom! :| |
Mishap, embarrassment, red-faced; take your pick.
I have not even told my GF yet as she is visiting with her family this weekend but of course, I am putting it out there on the internet. We had a missing c*ck. I could not imagine where it went after, ahem, one night a month or so ago. I took our bed apart: I looked between headboard, footboard, under mattress, etc. I must have looked under the bed 20 times. I should also say that we had an outstanding housekeeper that was very conscientious. Problem: I always had taken my glasses off to look under the bed so I could put my head on the carpet to get a good look. Yesterday: I left them on. There it lay, winking back at me, right in the middle of the floor. Flesh-colored, on the light beige carpet. |
*grabs some popcorn and watches with listening eyes*
Im nearly positive miss Anya will think of other stories..... :) |
When thinking about hopping onto the bathroom counter...don't pick the spot in front of the sink. With pushing and pounding you tend to slide off in to the sink bowl and then you get the facet trying to enter your back.
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