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PearlsNLace · 05-07-2010, 02:03 PM

Night terrors can be bad for me. When I sleep alone.

It use to be worse, Id wake up under the kitchen table with a knife in my hand, not knowing how I got there, and having to do a body check to find where the blood was comming from.
I have not had that happen in years. It helps that with the exception of below the knees, I feel my body pretty much. Even all the way down to my toes there is significant improvement. I need to remember to be greatful for that next time Im being tickled on the bottoms of my feet.

Usually now when I sleep alone, I just wake up all cockamamie position with an annoying mess of blankets and pillows on the floor. Exhausted.

I havent hurt a bed mate in almost a decade. In fact, I sleep better with another body in the bed. I hope to never be single again. But if I do Im getting a large dog with a propensity for hogging the bed, and snuggling.
( I have one of those NOW< but she goes with the guy Im with.> Id rather keep them both hehehe)

I did have a crap load of panic attacks, wich happens sometimes when some new memory fits into place, recently. I was relieved that the attacks pretty much receeded after I took my RN boards. I dont relish the idea of new memories to pop up. Should that happen, im plopping my round arse firmly back into therapy somewhere. And if things dont gel with that therapist, damnit I will continue to look for one that does. I have learned that if Im not showing progress in a couple of months, to change treatment, even it that means change therapists. (with appropriate closure, and communication as to why) This may not be for everybody, this is just my journey.

I have recovery and step work which really has helped me deal with a LOT of my stuff. It has been instrumental in helping me be a survivor, not a victim.
It also helps me deal with my symptoms. Cause I can be pretty hard on myself when I get really symptomatic. I loose patience with my panic attacks, and my flashbacks, and get angry that they are happening.

I dont like to spill this crap out. Im dealing with some body issues right now. And some cold hard fear. I know for a fact that when I loose weight Im scared, its directly related to my trauma. Yet I also want a baby. I need to loose a significant amount of weight to have a healthy pregnancy now that Im in my late 30s. I had a miscarriage at 12, that of course, is part of the trauma too. So, anyway, I wanted to subscribe to this thread cause I get it. Im dealing with it too. So thanks for hearing a bit of my crap. Is kind of good to remember the stuff that WORKS for me. It be great to hear other coping skills. Glad this thread is here.

kinda feeling shy now~ thanks for reading.

05-07-2010, 02:03 PM	#439
PearlsNLace Member How Do You Identify?: queer Preferred Pronoun?: They/Them & her/she Relationship Status: Lucky, very lucky Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Portlandia, Oregon Posts: 427 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 875 Thanked 1,286 Times in 315 Posts Rep Power: 6505517	Night terrors can be bad for me. When I sleep alone. It use to be worse, Id wake up under the kitchen table with a knife in my hand, not knowing how I got there, and having to do a body check to find where the blood was comming from. I have not had that happen in years. It helps that with the exception of below the knees, I feel my body pretty much. Even all the way down to my toes there is significant improvement. I need to remember to be greatful for that next time Im being tickled on the bottoms of my feet. Usually now when I sleep alone, I just wake up all cockamamie position with an annoying mess of blankets and pillows on the floor. Exhausted. I havent hurt a bed mate in almost a decade. In fact, I sleep better with another body in the bed. I hope to never be single again. But if I do Im getting a large dog with a propensity for hogging the bed, and snuggling. ( I have one of those NOW< but she goes with the guy Im with.> Id rather keep them both hehehe) I did have a crap load of panic attacks, wich happens sometimes when some new memory fits into place, recently. I was relieved that the attacks pretty much receeded after I took my RN boards. I dont relish the idea of new memories to pop up. Should that happen, im plopping my round arse firmly back into therapy somewhere. And if things dont gel with that therapist, damnit I will continue to look for one that does. I have learned that if Im not showing progress in a couple of months, to change treatment, even it that means change therapists. (with appropriate closure, and communication as to why) This may not be for everybody, this is just my journey. I have recovery and step work which really has helped me deal with a LOT of my stuff. It has been instrumental in helping me be a survivor, not a victim. It also helps me deal with my symptoms. Cause I can be pretty hard on myself when I get really symptomatic. I loose patience with my panic attacks, and my flashbacks, and get angry that they are happening. I dont like to spill this crap out. Im dealing with some body issues right now. And some cold hard fear. I know for a fact that when I loose weight Im scared, its directly related to my trauma. Yet I also want a baby. I need to loose a significant amount of weight to have a healthy pregnancy now that Im in my late 30s. I had a miscarriage at 12, that of course, is part of the trauma too. So, anyway, I wanted to subscribe to this thread cause I get it. Im dealing with it too. So thanks for hearing a bit of my crap. Is kind of good to remember the stuff that WORKS for me. It be great to hear other coping skills. Glad this thread is here. kinda feeling shy now~ thanks for reading.