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imperfect_cupcake · 09-07-2015, 12:41 PM

Understand that respect, affection, and romance are all relative. That means what you find respectful, or affectionate or romantic I might find invasive, irritating and suffocating. You can't treat people like math formulas or IKEA furniture. We aren't all brought up by the same parents, have the same life expereince or live in the same community - our understandings of many things are not a given.

What I may find playful and funny and affectionate some people will *love* and some people will find offensive. What those people who find what I do offensive, I may find their version to be smothering, overly serious and controlling.

Talk. Be open. You might have a mad crush on someone but unless you've spent a long time with them, you actually don't know what they think is romance, or what they consider respect, or what they love as affection.

No one is "right" about those kinds of things. There is just what suits you and your personality and values.

I hear all kinds of crazy shit about how what I want in a relationship is me "not wanting commitment" or some other bullocks. I do want commitment. In fact I want a minimum of 35 years of commitment. That's why I'm a hard arse with compatibility and understanding each other. I want someone who won't make me promises they actually don't know if they can keep or not for 35 years. And there is very little I know I can promise to always do for the next 35 years.

I now what I can promise. And that's talk about it and try.

09-07-2015, 12:41 PM	#5
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Understand that respect, affection, and romance are all relative. That means what you find respectful, or affectionate or romantic I might find invasive, irritating and suffocating. You can't treat people like math formulas or IKEA furniture. We aren't all brought up by the same parents, have the same life expereince or live in the same community - our understandings of many things are not a given. What I may find playful and funny and affectionate some people will love and some people will find offensive. What those people who find what I do offensive, I may find their version to be smothering, overly serious and controlling. Talk. Be open. You might have a mad crush on someone but unless you've spent a long time with them, you actually don't know what they think is romance, or what they consider respect, or what they love as affection. No one is "right" about those kinds of things. There is just what suits you and your personality and values. I hear all kinds of crazy shit about how what I want in a relationship is me "not wanting commitment" or some other bullocks. I do want commitment. In fact I want a minimum of 35 years of commitment. That's why I'm a hard arse with compatibility and understanding each other. I want someone who won't make me promises they actually don't know if they can keep or not for 35 years. And there is very little I know I can promise to always do for the next 35 years. I now what I can promise. And that's talk about it and try.