[imperfect_cupcake]

I was adopted at 11 days old. My mom was 14 (1969) and living on an island off the coast of BC and got pregnant in a bush whilst having sex with a 18 year old boy. they loved each other but they were not allowed to see each other. She hid the pregnancy until it was too late to get a legal abortion. She said she didn't even know what sex was when it happened. :s think that doesn't really sound too great....

Her parents packaged her up and sent her to a Bethany (a home for "wayward girls" aka pregnant, that was run by the Salvation Army) while telling everyone locally she went to visit some sick family member who needed care. She was pumped full of the fear of God when not religious. It fucked her up quite badly, the religious stuff and having to give me away. She had a mental break down at the birth. And never quite fully recovered. My birth mom has break downs occasionally, still.

My birth father is federal police - RCMP.

The adoption was illegal, though done through a legal agency. The family grandfathers (my grandfathers) knew each other and had pre arranged but no one knew about this. Not my mom nor my birth mom. They were both lied to. My birth mom was given three made up families to choose from and my mom was told a complete fabrication. The history form of the mother my mom was given was made up.

Women had zero agency back then.

Anyway, I was named and then given to a new family, who renamed me.

I am very lucky with my placement. My parents aren't perfect and made errors. My mom has problems with some emotional stuff. My brother is a psychopath - literally, not figuratively. But I had really incredible support from my dad and my mom (when she wasn't having a moment), I got an amazing education and was loved very deeply and fiercely by both my parents. I understand my dad more than his flesh and blood relatives. My mom and dad are very intellectual, athiest, open and tolerant.

I've met my birth mom, had two years of dialogue with my birthdad, and became best friends and constant companion with my half brother Zack (birth moms son) whom I fell madly in love with (in a platonic way. You know that deep, fierce love you feel for your bestest closest friend who understands everything? Well, Zack was my male twin in everything. He was my Yang and I was his Yin. We were each other's mirror. He was gay as well. Big ol muscle queen). He died in 2002. I knew and loved him for only six years but he made me feel like a salt and pepper shaker set with him. When I met him his eyes flew down my throat and landed in my stomach and I knew who he was.

So fucking wierd when you meet your blood and people look like you and have your mannerism or your laugh. And they have aspects of yourself. Mom and zack were nomads. Dad is a writer and SO much like me in personality. I am the spitting image of my mom. Zack and I looked like twins. When we met we even had the same haircut and bleached hair. We both listened to the same music, read the same books, both talented in writing and cooking and loved punk rock.

It blew my mind.

I no longer talk to my birth mom. She had another breakdown and she moved her trailer and never told me where. She was living in the desert in BC. Fuck knows where she is now. dad cut ties and moved when I said I wasn't going to be a secret forever, I don't like being a secret. Zack died.

I'm glad I have my family. They aren't perfect but considering how my birth family is, it's best I was homed responsibly.

There are issues that set me off, about being adopted. Not so much my life, but non-adoptees talking about kids. They say shit that just makes me mental at times.