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imperfect_cupcake · 11-03-2015, 05:05 AM

For me to forgive a loan is to no longer expect payment from the person who owes money.

So I apply that to emotional "debt"
To forgive someone means I no longer want them to do things to make up for what they have done. I forgive their debt to me for damages.

There are things in life that I'm just not going to "get over" and accepting that has helped me accept I won't able to change the damage or scar. It helps me lower my expectations of myself and accept and work around.

In the body, when things get damaged, the body comes up with alternative routes and solutions to work. And that's the way I see it in terms of emotional scaring. I'm never going to get over my brother dying. That's not a realistic expectation. I have learned to accept it and live with it, which give me more peace.
I'm never going to get over the damage my other brother caused. I've forgiven him in terms of his debt to me. I want nothing from him. But I e also come to terms that I won't forgive the past damage. I've tried and it's only hurt me more, to force that on myself. It's ok to not forgive. I can heal without it. I have healed the best of my psyches ability without it and it's pretty good. I expect some scar tissue.

I forgive my exwife the debt she owes me for her actions. But I can't forgive her cruelty, emotionally. That's ok. I have tried over the past four years, and it's just going to be one of those things I'm just not going to be able to get past with her. I care about her, I hope she's happy and I'm good with occasional three times a year updates and hello. But I won't ever be able to trust her, and because I can't trust her it means I don't forgive her in the sense of "wiping the slate clean."

I personally don't think that's possible and I also think that's a stupid idea, considering her track record.

I don't need to forgive her to that extent. Nor do I need to forgive anyone to that extent.

I may be presently crabby with school stress, but my life is the most peaceful it's ever been in my entire experience. So I don't think forgiveness beyond the forgiveness of debit is necessary to be content in life.

11-03-2015, 05:05 AM	#98
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	For me to forgive a loan is to no longer expect payment from the person who owes money. So I apply that to emotional "debt" To forgive someone means I no longer want them to do things to make up for what they have done. I forgive their debt to me for damages. There are things in life that I'm just not going to "get over" and accepting that has helped me accept I won't able to change the damage or scar. It helps me lower my expectations of myself and accept and work around. In the body, when things get damaged, the body comes up with alternative routes and solutions to work. And that's the way I see it in terms of emotional scaring. I'm never going to get over my brother dying. That's not a realistic expectation. I have learned to accept it and live with it, which give me more peace. I'm never going to get over the damage my other brother caused. I've forgiven him in terms of his debt to me. I want nothing from him. But I e also come to terms that I won't forgive the past damage. I've tried and it's only hurt me more, to force that on myself. It's ok to not forgive. I can heal without it. I have healed the best of my psyches ability without it and it's pretty good. I expect some scar tissue. I forgive my exwife the debt she owes me for her actions. But I can't forgive her cruelty, emotionally. That's ok. I have tried over the past four years, and it's just going to be one of those things I'm just not going to be able to get past with her. I care about her, I hope she's happy and I'm good with occasional three times a year updates and hello. But I won't ever be able to trust her, and because I can't trust her it means I don't forgive her in the sense of "wiping the slate clean." I personally don't think that's possible and I also think that's a stupid idea, considering her track record. I don't need to forgive her to that extent. Nor do I need to forgive anyone to that extent. I may be presently crabby with school stress, but my life is the most peaceful it's ever been in my entire experience. So I don't think forgiveness beyond the forgiveness of debit is necessary to be content in life.