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Bubala · 12-30-2015, 08:47 PM

Such a perfect day.... when all of the sudden out of nowhere...Something inexplicable reminded me - flashbacks of the past.... All of the sudden I wanted to run far far away....

I felt like all invaluable air was brutally punched out of my lungs... I couldn't breathe... No panic, no sadness... Lone and heavy, suppressed anger, bitter, liquid and cold poorer out of the corner of my eyes....

Why, why you never protect me? Why... you never.....cared?

I can take care of myself...I can handle anything in this shitty life... I can...There is nothing that I cannot do!

I was the provider, I was the soldier, I was the planner, the organizer, the caregiver, the lover, the protector, the healer, the teacher, the listener, the guide, the inventor.... You were nothing... you were just there wallowing in your sorrows 24/7 365. I've tried, G-d nows that I tried while you just sat there.
Do not blame me! I had to save myself! For the first time every I chose me!

I am stronger then you! I always was... always will be!
Why did you always have to be such a wimp? Why couldn't you even stand up for your own self?

I got tired of being your everything! I got tired of being your mother and not your wife! I don't hate you.... I don't... I just cannot stand to see your face right now. Please stop calling. Please stop asking to talk. It is done, signed, sealed, processed. Done in my heart over a year ago, done on paper now.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....smarter....colder.....

I have survived 3 wars and I will survive you. I am a strong stubborn woman.
I wish you all the happiness in this world. I wish you would put your big boi panties on and grow up. Pick yourself off the floor and live. I cannot spoon feed life into you every hour of every day anymore... I am sorry.... I love you as a human... you're great... You can do this.... Go out there, fly... I will survive if nothing else, thanks to my own stubbornness - no surrender , show must go on!

How am I feeling? I'm feeling fine.... Free, fine, in control.... alone... I can breathe, I can breathe, finally I can breathe!
Me, myself and I will come out of this storm better, wiser, happier....
Today was good, tomorrow will be better! I will breathe, I will laugh, I will continue to fight, for life is what we make!

12-30-2015, 08:47 PM	#1099
Bubala Member How Do You Identify?: Lady Sunflower Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Join Date: Dec 2015 Location: San Fran Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 463 Thanked 1,671 Times in 615 Posts Rep Power: 9338276	Such a perfect day.... when all of the sudden out of nowhere...Something inexplicable reminded me - flashbacks of the past.... All of the sudden I wanted to run far far away.... I felt like all invaluable air was brutally punched out of my lungs... I couldn't breathe... No panic, no sadness... Lone and heavy, suppressed anger, bitter, liquid and cold poorer out of the corner of my eyes.... Why, why you never protect me? Why... you never.....cared? I can take care of myself...I can handle anything in this shitty life... I can...There is nothing that I cannot do! I was the provider, I was the soldier, I was the planner, the organizer, the caregiver, the lover, the protector, the healer, the teacher, the listener, the guide, the inventor.... You were nothing... you were just there wallowing in your sorrows 24/7 365. I've tried, G-d nows that I tried while you just sat there. Do not blame me! I had to save myself! For the first time every I chose me! I am stronger then you! I always was... always will be! Why did you always have to be such a wimp? Why couldn't you even stand up for your own self? I got tired of being your everything! I got tired of being your mother and not your wife! I don't hate you.... I don't... I just cannot stand to see your face right now. Please stop calling. Please stop asking to talk. It is done, signed, sealed, processed. Done in my heart over a year ago, done on paper now. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger....smarter....colder..... I have survived 3 wars and I will survive you. I am a strong stubborn woman. I wish you all the happiness in this world. I wish you would put your big boi panties on and grow up. Pick yourself off the floor and live. I cannot spoon feed life into you every hour of every day anymore... I am sorry.... I love you as a human... you're great... You can do this.... Go out there, fly... I will survive if nothing else, thanks to my own stubbornness - no surrender , show must go on! How am I feeling? I'm feeling fine.... Free, fine, in control.... alone... I can breathe, I can breathe, finally I can breathe! Me, myself and I will come out of this storm better, wiser, happier.... Today was good, tomorrow will be better! I will breathe, I will laugh, I will continue to fight, for life is what we make!