Happy New Year to one and all!
Let me first start by saying how much I appreciate the anonymity this site provides with my particular condition. Even though I haven't been on this site for long, I think I've found a place I don't feel alone as I'm very stoic (btw real world support is also in place). I suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder and admitting it,, even on a forum is very hard. I relate to many replies on here about a life being single and having or seeing traits that restricts true intimacy when finding the ideal partner.
Being vulnerable is not in my 'Butch' make up, but BFP allows me to show my imperfection without judgement and for that I'm very grateful. I've ruined many relationships both platonic and romantic denying my own needs to be seen for who I truly am (kind, sincere, compassionate yet complicated) But I also accept that I've not shown others the true me and just shown a sociable mask which may be the real reason why I'm spending New Year alone!
This feels like waffle and I may not be making any sense to you out there in cyberspace but I'm breaking new ground here opening up as this is more than I've done in the whole of 2015. I've become an expert illusionist with little to no satisfaction in my craft. So I decided to start 2016 differently. By being true to myself and showing others that truly matter the real Me! I'm not craving the adorations of others.
To the select few who are willing to take the time to truly see me as I do them....I'm willing to be open over a nice cuppa tea...tea anyone?
P.s: I felt compelled to share a youtube link on attaining the connection we all hopefully want..becoming a conscious partner.