Quote:
Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake
Ah, but I only feel that way about dating. And it's not just a person or people, it's society in general that squeezes me to be a feminine unit of care - pretty first, then I can be talented and intelligent. But dating since I have gotten home to North America has been very challenging to my self worth. My weight matters more, my ability to fish camp and hike while baking cookies and being a nursey matters more. My intellectual ability, my career skills, my sense of wit, my independence, my sense of adventure matter far less. These are all masculine traits here, you see. And those aren't seemingly valued as much as my figure, my ability to cook, keep a nice house and care take other people.
I'm intelligent, talented in my work, great fun to be around, I love hosting dinner parties and getting people to get to know one another, I'm a fabulous hostess and I enjoy talking about philosophy, sciences, and constantly learning. I know I have great skills in the boudoir, I'm an experienced 46 year old sub femme. Being a highly skilled and expereinced femme also seems to put people off.
I'm tired of being measured on scales of femininity that are 300 fucking years ago. And I'm pissy about it LOL.
If someone does wind up with me, it won't be through dating. It will be through incidental friendship that forms into a relationship. Dating strangers in my personal universe is nothing I want and frankly it causes me a lot of stress and distress and fatigue.
I am actually very happy on my own. I am very confident in my abilities, I love my friends and my career rocks. But when I think about trying to date again my stomach bile twists in my gut in a pissed off way. Perhaps that is bitter? I don't know. I do know I can't deal with the stress of it and the expectations piss me off. I *like* who I am as a person. I have to get my core strength back up and even more for this kind of work. And I'm grumpy about the weight because my lovely clothes don't fit.
I'm not looking. Looking stresses me out. More like I'm leaving the door for someone with patience and confidence to take the bother to get to know me as a human, not a femme romance unit. Not pressure me or push me or make demands. Which happens a LOT.
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Yes and it's an individual choice to "follow" society which I learned long ago its not worth my attention. However unfortunately you are correct in that statement.
In reality I can not say that looks don't matter at all. They do to a certain point for everyone. And anyone who says otherwise is a probable liar.
But personality is the biggest makes it or breaks it in my opinion.
The whole not looking and if it happens it happens notion is a good way to go.
And what you said makes me think of labels. I don't mind when people use them. But most people have a certain way they think a butch or femme etc should behave/be. When someone says femme I expect a girlish or semi-girlish look but that's as far as it goes in my head.
I've known plenty of feminine women who love to do much more than what is typically expected.
Point is sounds like you have been put in that box a lot and though I've not personally had that experience to that extent....I have seen a lot and do get what you're saying and am in agreement