what if my brother had not committed suicide...
this single event has altered my entire life as well as the rest of my families lives. My daughter who never met him wonders if when she gets depressed if she will turn to this family coping mechanism. I pushed my experimental adolescent drinking into full blown alcoholism after his death.
I also would not have gone into mental health as a career. I would not have had the sensitivity and the fearlessness to deal with crisis and violence.
I would have had a brother who would have knocked a few people on their ass for the way they treated me..but not until he would have knocked me on my ass to wise up
I would have had another man to look up to, and at other times, to shove the reality into my face that even heros crash and burn...wait ...I have that now anyways...
If only he hadnt died, I have a very real belief that I would have been the one in the family to commit suicide. I was certainly heading there. He just beat me to it. Because I had to get mental health for dealing with his death, I firmly believe it stopped the momentum for me to try it
how would I have done that to my parents, after witnessing what it did to them when my brother committed suicide...I just couldnt...not any longer...
if only...as momma use to say if only wishes were horses, beggers would ride...
I do wonder what it would have been like to have had him around as we matured...I know I barely knew him because we were 7 years apart. I know I miss him every day.
what if he hadnt committed suicide?
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Pole bachit, a lis chuye.
The field sees, the forest hears
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