[Angeltoes]

I used the word "gypped" all the time as a kid despite having a heritage that includes Romani people, otherwise known as "gypsies." When I was older I asked my grandparents why they never corrected me and they said, "it's just a word...you didn't mean anything bad." Personally, I think family members should let kids know how their words might sound to others, but I do agree that intention matters. For example, I've known straight girls who called everyone "bro." They weren't implying anything about gender or identity. It was just a habit for them. I might call a group of women "guys" like, "come on guys, let's go get a snow cone" Again, I may be a dork, but I'm not implying anything about gender or identity. it's just a speech habit.

I think "dyke" is a tough call since so many lesbians identify with that word. Yes, it's stupid to make assumptions or to go around randomly calling every lesbian a dyke. But we (the community) should also be sensitive to the fact that labels can be confusing. There has never been a time in history when people chose their own label based on sexual identity. Now gay women and transmen are almost expected to choose a label and make it known to the community. I don't mind conforming to that expectation. I consider myself to be a "queer femme" and I most definitely identify as a lesbian, but if someone makes an innocent mistake and calls me by another label, oh well. It's no big deal.

Of course, there are some words so loaded with historical baggage that they should never be used. But the constant censorship gets draining after awhile too. I think sometimes it's better to give people the freedom to show who they really are and what they're all about. That way we know who to avoid.