My own thoughts
Yesterday, I posted about misogyny and sexism against women. I am going to do an about face and I may receive some backlash, but here goes. I am a submissive woman. No, I did not say little girl, I said woman. With womanly desires and womanly needs.
When I was younger, like most children, I was egocentric; looking out only for my own survival. As I grew into an adult, I often thought of the needs of others and had a great desire to make those around me happy, but essentially, my own survival was of my utmost concern. That attitude no longer served me once I became a mother. Nurturing my family came naturally to me. I found that especially in rearing young children, it’s been useful (and rewarding) to approach my life with a sense of service. I have found a lot of strength in this role. I’ve found a lot of happiness.
I like to please. And, I find it rewarding to please those I care about. This honest look at my dynamic was meant to shed light on a learning curve I went through from my early 20's to present. My take on being submissive is one that is natural to me. I realise that I could potentially be accused of setting back women’s causes.
I don’t care. This is my life… my journey.
I understand that the word submissive conjures all kinds of awful servile situations: a woman chained to a hot stove all day, tending only to the care and feeding of her man/Butch… Perhaps because I grew up in an era after the hardest battles for women’s liberation had been fought, I took it for granted that it would be self-evident that this was not the kind of “submissive” I meant.
Now, in terms of what and who I am to that man/butch? I am me. Just me.
One day, God willing, I will be in a committed relationship to my Alpha. Can he organise dinner? Of course. Does he? Absolutely. But he just isn’t going to be thinking ahead to needing snacks on a road trip or planning to get that rainbow cake my 6 year old wants for her next birthday party.
The reality is that I do most of the things that are traditionally female. Why? It’s my choice. It’s what works for me.
Whatever the idiosyncrasies of my own relationship, I bow down and honour all the women before me who opened the road for the comparative amount of liberty women have today. We’ve achieved a lot. And now that we are here, isn’t there room to do an assessment of how it’s going? How is “having it all” working for us?
One of the cornerstones of feminism is that women should have the freedom to make choices. We should be able to define for ourselves what makes us happy. Single. Married. Kids. No kids. Whatever.
Clearly we’re comfortable talking about leaning in and sitting at the table in the workplace. That’s a real stride forward. But true liberty means there’s room in the dialogue for multiple points of view. Women have a spectrum of choices, and we should be at ease talking about works for us with candor, without fear of incurring wrath for stepping outside the sanctioned vocabulary of how women should live their lives.
|