For the longest time, I wanted to get married again. When I thought about it, it was more of the fantasy of my GF asking me to marry her (probably not on bended knee-it would be hard to get up after knee surgery), being given the engagement ring and having the wedding with a white dress and a veil, with friends and family all around.
When I was a kid, my friends and I would practice "Wedding" all the time, even if the veil was a towel.
Then I got older and got married at 18, basically to escape my parents. Marriage to him was not as fun as how I imagined it as a child.
Though he left two kids later, he refused to pay for the divorce.
California has had no-fault divorce since around 1970. I just wanted child support (which he only paid for a year- $200 per month) so eventually, I found a lawyer that would file the papers for a really low fee and we divorced.
My ideal of a fantasy wedding has faded over time. My love for her has not faded but it scares me to think of really doing it. I don't know why but I know that having any fear, irrational or not, is a red flag for marrying.
I think I will keep it as it is.
I do want to say that I was as happy as I ever have been the day the Supreme Court stated that the Constitution guaranteed the right to equal marriage.
I also still love to go to weddings.
