05-13-2010, 11:47 PM
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#249
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Timed Out
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once more with feeling
I've posted about the topic of the devaluation of female and/or woman-ID butch online ad nauseum. Most recently in a thread on the "butch female in a patriarchal world" thread. http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...5&postcount=26 That was some of my reasoning, and I believe it to be valid approximately 2 months later.
So here we are again, another thread with much of the same topic discussed due to the unfortunate language of a reluctant gay icon and her limited, poor choice of vocabulary to describe her sexuality. After reading apretty's post of more of Cynthia Nixon's interview, I realized her tremendous discomfort with the public's perception of her as queer. She seems homophobic in those comments, seeking to relate to a straight world who already (falsely) believe most butch lesbians are wannabe men. Do I condemn her? No. Do I support her? No. Does it matter to me? Yes.
26 years ago I was beaten up. I shared the story on another website, but the crux of it was that these two men who punched me and threw me to the ground, who were kicking me in the kidneys and in the ribs, and who made me piss blood for a week were screaming at me, "You want to be a man?!" "You think you're a man?!!" "You fucking dyke!!" etc. etc.
I'm sort of hoping all can see the connection, but at the risk of it not being logically associated, let me make it crystal clear. I never wanted to be a man. I was just a dyke who made a poor choice myself by being in a situation that led to that beating. However, that's the only way those Neanderthals could view me -- as a "man with boobs". That's the way a good deal of society still views me, and other women like me, even today. And Cynthia Nixon's offhand remark merely gives fodder to those narrow-minded binary buffoons who'd put boxes and bars around behaviors and traits to keep the world simple and understandable for themselves.
I'm not playing. I'm not here to cater to the morons. I want the world to see me as a woman, a very masculine woman perhaps, but all woman nonetheless. So, when the medical tests I've had run this past month revealed what actually happened to my body from that beating, I found this thread and Heart's concern on a societal level relevant and valuable not just for me and my life, but for all the butch women who still risk getting beaten up just for being who they are in a world that can't see beyond rigid gender identities.
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