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Originally Posted by Virago
So, what if you know someone and you've developed a crush on that person. Crush might turn to love with more knowledge of that person, right? Now, for whatever reason you just can't ever let that person know you're crushing. Time goes by and you get to know the person more. Is it still a crush or is it now love? Is love only defined by a back and forth relationship and a crush is one sided? Is that it?
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It depends on your definition of love and what your expectation of loving someone is. If you are crushing on someone and you can't ever let them know how you feel then of course it is one sided...even if it isn't. And rather fruitless since nobody can talk about it, ever.
If you get to know them more and you feel love towards them, then you have to decide what you want from that love. Will you be satisfied loving someone who can't know how you feel? Are you okay with that? Could you change it even if you tried? Do you feel that love is only valid if it is reciprocated?
I think people everywhere, at one time or another, find that they love someone who doesn't, can't or won't love them back in the way they want. We have little control over who we feel love for. But we can control how that love is expressed. We tend to think of love as a noun, but it is really a verb and the action of loving is seen and felt in how we treat others we profess to love. We may not get exactly what we want but we can still exchange love if we are open to what a person is able to give instead of only what we want.
And I think love is the same emotion no matter who you feel it for. We just feel it at different degrees and levels and express it in different ways depending if it is a parent, a child or a partner. But the emotion is the same.
But the feelings tied up in crushes and also in the temporary condition known as falling in love is a totally different kind of thing. It's almost the antithesis of love. It can be a very selfish and self involved experience. It's all about the lowering of ego boundaries that occurs when you are around a person you have feelings for. It is this that makes you feel that rush. The feelings are then attributed to the other person. And then around and around you go. But the feelings you have for someone you really don't know that well yet has little to do with the person. It's all about how you believe they make you feel. Until you get to know them over time your feelings can't actually be about them yet. So with the person you are crushing on it is about an attraction and about your feelings when you are around the person or when you are thinking about them. The real experience of giving love isn't part of the equation yet. It can grow out of a crush of course. But one where the other person, for whatever reason, is not ever able to be involved seems like a very unbalanced kind of relationship. One has to wonder what is in it for anyone to pursue it. Is it fair to involve someone in something they actually can't even participate in? Would it not be better to walk away and cut your losses?
I suppose this isn't something you can really explain to a 15 year old. If I remember correctly being 15 is a roller coaster ride of emotion and hormones.