Quote:
Originally Posted by apretty
because it reduces the woman to "almost a man" and chunks of flesh, like this:
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you know devil's advocate here (examining myself now)...
it IS possible that my personal reaction to "short man with boobs" may stem from, my desire as a transman to change my body, and yes, that includes downplaying/hiding/changing my appearance and that typically means... not drawing attention to my boobs.
it's a tough personal examination, I have to admit, but one I'm willing to do. I have the 'comfort' of years of slow transition, because as odd as this might sound, the use of medical transition has created a dichotomy of sorts (again) but this time....
I'm passing as male, in my (mostly) female form and that's more comfortable for me. In that comfort, I'm re-discovering my form, re-defining it for myself, all the while doing it in a setting that feels comfortable to me.
Years ago, my ex husband reached out for my tits. It was supposed to be in a safe, intimate setting. He did nothing wrong. But in that instant, there was a rage in me, and I slapped his hands HARD and pushed him away in complete anger.
He unwittingly triggered a memory I had of my best friend at bible camp fondling my breasts and it was uncomfortable but I was young. it was one of those "put out or shut up" situations. I wasn't empowered, old enough, mature enough to say "NO".
For years, I felt like my boobs "reduced" me. like, it was all the world saw. The world (I felt) didn't see me past my body parts. The world (I felt), therefore downplayed any other qualities of my body and being (does that make sense?)
I realize now that it's possible I was triggered/uncomfortable during those exchanges because these boys/men were seeing me as a woman, not as something else. I don't vilify them any more. I no longer feel like their touch was "emasculating" me, or 'feminizing' me per se...
It wasn't until I met gay men (I'm sure there are straight men too) who are in touch with their own chests are erogenous areas that allowed me to feel some acceptance to my own body as is (for now). That, coupled with a fabulous understanding wife who 'gets me' has made all the difference.
In another thread, I talked about how I personally vowed to look at the plight of transwomen and my acceptance of their beings, and appreciation for their process as much as my own. I want to combat my own level of 'discomfort' . that's a hard admission. And I'm still working on it....
In the same way, I vowed that as part of my transition, I'd fully examine for myself how misogyny HAS played into my desire to transition. I can't escape this examination and more importantly? I won't.
Heart (and I hope she doesn't mind my mentioning this), has a history of having so much fucking mud slinged over to her direction, where even some friends of mine have called her statements transphobic. If there are reasons why I'm here in these threads, it's because I want my voice to be heard too, from a trans-perspective, because misogyny affects as all.