You have to feel the feelings, otherwise you'll be pent in for the rest of your life. Fight the fear that is associated with being victimized. Don't think about being victimized, think about fighting the fears within as you face the trauma, and chunk by chunk, it will come out.
AS you take meds/if you take meds, know that they are there to keep your head straight and your anxiety level down.. Each time there is a trigger, or something happens, let the fear come out and give it over to God. By all means don't be afraid to feel the feelings.
I had to stop my transition process because of trauma; I didn't fake feeling well with my therapist. I did not want risk agressive behavior (which some guys have) or the responsibilites which come from a life-changing challenges that transitioning would bring for me. I don't want to go through anything that would level me because of an the unstable and unpredictable lapses from PTSD.
I'm very close I think to coming out the other side—however it may even the summer or fall before I complete this process. PTSD is rough. Facing or remembering something to get rid of it is can be rougher—for one thing, I get really pissed that I suffer from trauma. I'm on meds for this, so that I can stay level without issues around PTSD. Considering that I don't how T will affect me, it's best that I stay on course and deal with trauma and the toll it took on my life.
Good luck all
—J
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