[Rook]

You Know You're Puerto Rican If ...

You've ever used your lips to point something out.

You've ever been hit with "chancletas", "la correa", or the cord of "la plancha".

You Still, deep down inside get really nervous whenever someone mentions "El Cuuuuuco!!!"

You've gone to Titi's house and passed through the "bead
curtain" in the living room.

You step into a house that has all those little figurines taking up every inch of space on the TV and under the TV.

Your mother has a porcelain cat, dog, Buddha, pair of Pigeons, a wide variety of roosters, or elephant in her living room.

Almost everyone you know is nicknamed "mira".

You've eaten "esporsoda" with butter.

You have had a perpetually drunk neighbor.

You know your mom is sneaking up on you because you can hear the 'clack-clack' of her "chancletas".

Someone in you family is name "Maria".

You have actually met several people named "Jesus".

You treat fevers with "alcoholado".

You know "Don Francisco" from "Sabado Gigante" far better than you will ever know "Dick Clark".

You need a cup of coffee after every meal.

You have a delinquent cousin.

Your uncle owns more gold than the jewelry shop down the street.

You've sat in a two-passenger car with over seven people in it, and there's always a dumbass shouting "Subete que caben mas!"{Get in, there's room for More}.

You put a big Puerto Rican flag on your car come June.

You've sung "Japi Beldei Tu Joo" more than you care to remember.

You know at least four of your last names.

You scrunch up your nose to ask a silent "que ?".

You've ever left grass out for the camels on the night of January 5th., instead of leaving milk and cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas.

You remember Ricky Martin as the little dork from Menudo.

You were raised on Goya products (Si es Goya, tiene que ser bueno!!!).

You consider the bad luck day to be "Tuesday" (not Friday the 13th).

You ever wished El Chapulin Colorado would come and save you(No contaban con mi astucia !!).

You've ever dropped food on the floor, picked it up, and eaten it after saying "lo que no mata engorda"[what doesn't kill, Fattens].

Your sofa or rug is covered in plastic.

You start clapping when your plane hits the runway.

Your cousins have "original" names, like a blend of their
parent's names {ViMari = Victor + Maria}

Your mother, tia, or hermana's hair is black cherry, "sun in"
red, or a burgundy that would make Celia Cruz jealous.

You go to a wedding or Quinceañera party & gossip about how bad the food is {But take a big plate to go.}

You can dance to merengue, bachata, cumbia or salsa without music.

You think Cristina Saralegui can beat Oprah Winfrey any day of the week, and twice on sunday.

You can get to your house blindfolded because the smell of
chuletas or sofrito is SO strong.

Your mother yells at the top of her lungs to call you to dinner when you live in a one bedroom apartment.

Telenovenas have the status of holy ceremonies.

You think platanos are a whole separate food group.

You have a picture of "Cristo" in your house.

You think your name begins like this: "Ave Maria Purisima, [your name here]".

You walk around saying "Chacho", or "Chacha" or "Ay Bendito".

Others tell you to stop screaming when you're really talking.

You know someone who drives a "Cheby".

You call all sneakers "tenis".

Your idea of a midnight snack is warm "Arroz con Leche" {occasionally with a dash of cinnamon.}

All breakfast cereals are called "Con Fley".

All tissue papers are called "Klinex".

All brands of diapers are called "Pampel".

A proper balanced meal consists of rice, beans and some kind of meat.

You know the difference between "Carolina Rice" and everything else.

You appreciate the difference between "Agua de Florida" and "Superior 70".

You have a great uncle that had more than three wives.

You've put a penny on your forehead to stop a nosebleed.

Your mother has put a balled up piece of thread on your baby cousin's forehead to stop her hiccups.

The thought of eating fried pork intestines filled with blood
and rice reminds you of Christmas.

You have at least 30 cousins.{At least!}

You know how to drive an "estandar" or "estic chift" car.

You can tell the difference between "Yaucono", "Cafe Crema" and "Bustelo".

You remember going to those dances that you had to bring your own bottle {El party del sorullo cada cual trae lo suyo}

Your parents ever put a "Family" phone call on speaker, you're on a Date, and if You walk by w/o saying "Hi " to everyone, they ALL Snap "Que, tu no sabes saludar cabrón, ni una bendición?? Que mucho quieres a uno!!"{-grits teeth-}

Your mother thinks Vick's Vapor Rub is the miracle cure for

And last, but not least:

It's almost an Innate Instinct to go apeshit, stomp your feet and scream at the top of your Lungs when someone else shrieks:
todo Boricua Digame WEEEPAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.....