[weatherboi]

This post was very nice. You seem like you would be a kind femdom.

Originally Posted by Sachita

ok, :::::deep breath:::: I am at a crossroads in my life and having just turned 52 (lol- I know I don't look it!) I am fearless. Must be the gray hair!

I've thought about this a lot lately. A very brief synopsis is I began my femdom journey over 20 years ago. It was inspired by my spirituality... the many faces of the Goddess and feminine power. I refused to adopt societies feminine roles and ideals. I am a natural alpha femme. It's part of my essence. Sexuality was magic to me. When I first discovered BDSM my heart leaped. There was something there. I could feel it and that began a very long journey, many paths and ultimately living the lifestyle 24/7. My world was magnificent and animated. People would come to home and thought they walked into another world. I felt adored and worshiped but after a time i wanted more. I was attracted to butch energy, masculine and yet submissive. It was so hard to find the right dynamic and I often settled. In fact I stepped out of my femdom world completely and dated no one for maybe 4 years. When I decided to date I found BF and explored. I wasn't falling for this pseudo masculinity I saw in some butches. I see right through that shit. At the same time I was striving for some kind of balance. I had a few, very few relationships with transgendered people and struggled because I am naturally dominant and strong. They were constantly challenged by this and fought me tooth and nail. I grew sick of being called a dominatrix or mock me "Yes Goddess" every time i stood up or had an opinion.

this seems to be a common frustrating denominator amoungst many Femme Masters/Dommes/Slaves. I think talking about it is good.

My best day is to wake up, have coffee served, feel loved and truly adored. When one truly does exist to please me. It's not my ego it's my essence and it can't be just anyone looking to appease me. The dynamic is only presence when one thrives on serving me. I project, they receive and together we make magic. They long to relinquish control, it completes them and I long to feed on what they give me. It is the ultimate act of strength to step outside consensus morality and relinquish control to a powerful woman. It is an enhancement to your identity and not what most people think- a downgrade.

It's impossible for one that is not born to this world to understand how erotic and healing constructive humiliation is. They don't realize the responsibility that goes with mind fuckery and taking such an uncharted journey with another human being. Most have never soared that high or dove so deeply into darkness where the ultimate transformations take place.

It's complex, what I desire and the truth is I've settled. I thought I could have a strong butch, enjoy the whole old fashion BF dynamic and still be a spoiled princess but I'm sick and fucking tired of being misunderstood because I won't settle and because i want things. I'm sick and fucking tired of not having my needs met and then told I'm fucked up because of who I am. Tired of being so misunderstood.

Maybe two years ago a friend, naturally submissive boi came to visit. There wasn't anything feminine about him at all. Just being in protocol, enjoying the natural dynamic between us was unreal. The sexual chemistry was fueled by things most would never understand. I was still busy trying to mend a broken heart and I also knew my submissive friend, although a hot roll, would be consumed by my desire and too immature to meet my needs long term.... we fucked, we played, we soared and he left.

Nothing comes close to this. Still I'm undecided because even when I encounter a submissive boi he must be strong in character, intelligent, sturdy and sane. Thus far I encountered a lot of serious emotional baggage or because of my experience curious hook-ups. I am not a weekend warrior... I'm intense and I must prepare you & me for the journey. A little whippy spanky does nothing for me. I just havent found the right connection.

So weatherboi I understand where you are coming from and your desire to honor the divine feminine this way. Nothing teaches you or evolves your masculinity more then this IMO. There are women that "fit" this naturally and if you tap into that, find her, then you are a very lucky boi. Don't give a shit about what others think. Chances are they will not understand. You make change by example.