[Darth Denkay]

So many excellent points made in this thread, but this one especially stuck out to me.

Originally Posted by gayla

We're linear people living in a linear world. We grow, chronologically, along a linear scale - 15 is "less than" 20 when talking about age - so it's easy for me to see how some people can view what they used to be as being "less than" what they are now. Especially when what they used to be was something they didn't like or weren't comfortable with. That process of evolution from "just me" to "butch" to "stone butch" to "TG butch", etc. is very linear for most people so "just me" becomes less than "TG butch" for them. I think the issues come in when people can't see that the process is an individual one and not everyone evolves at the same rate or even to the same place.

I've spent a lot of time in the last 8 year's trying to define my own identity. Really, truly, in my heart of heart's I probably fall more into the "just me" category because I do see my gender as a fluid, ever changing kind of thing. I fall more to the male ID'd side of things, and it's where I'm most comfortable on a public level, but there's so much more to me then just that.

I think that Gayla identified a key aspect of what occurs on this and other similar sites. I've been involved in the b-f online community for about 12 years now. When I first joined, the default clearly was he. This felt comfortable to me so I never gave it a second thought. Over the years my identity "evolved". I went from butch to trans-butch-masculine-stone-daddy, and I imagine there were a few other identifiers I used at some point. I saw myself "evolving," as though butch was just the starting point for something bigger and better. At some point I dropped stone and daddy - figured those identities are really just applicable to someone I'm dating and/or sleeping with so they really were no one's business. I continued to play around with trans, butch, masculine-identified, male-identified, and at this point I have "evolved" to identifying as butch. Without being conscious of it, I was completely buying into a butch hierarchy. Recently someone - I think it was Bully but not certain - challenged me on my identity as masculine-identified. Since then I've been really thinking about all of this butch gender stuff, and realized that for me butch is plenty.

I think the use of the word "evolve" is key here. There seems to be an unspoken understanding that a butch should 'evolve' into something...more specific. And that ideally that "evolution" should include moving towards a more masculine identity, because that is better than just butch. I looked up evolution, and while I know some of you loathe definitions in posts I think this is important.

By way of dictionary.com


e·volve
   e·volved, e·volv·ing.
–verb (used with object)
1.
to develop gradually: to evolve a scheme.
2.
to give off or emit, as odors or vapors.
–verb (used without object)
3.
to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution: The whole idea evolved from a casual remark.
4.
Biology . to develop by a process of evolution to a different adaptive state or condition: The human species evolved from an ancestor that was probably arboreal.

My inclusion of the definition is to point out that I think often the word "evolve" is assumed to mean 'changed into something better', when all it really signifies is change into something else. I think a lot of this is due to how we envision the evolution of the species as going from less complex to more complex, with more complex being better than less complex. I think an amoeba might disagree there, although it probably doesn't give a damn because it has more important amoeba things to do. Anyway, it's one thing for identities to change, but it's another for the change to be seen as a progression from less to more.

As I've considered my own identifiers, I realized something. I was identifying as masculine, because I saw myself as masculine more than feminine but not male, as I understand that to be (in my mind) more closely tied to man. However, don't most butches identity as masculine? Saying that I am masculine doesn't give any information that distinguishes me from female or male identified folks. I tried to figure out, okay self, are you more like female or male identified, and I have absolutely no idea. I like male pronouns because they recognize my masculinity. For me that feels good. For other butches, who may feel just as masculine, female pronouns feel right. Is our masculinity any different - who the hell knows. So after years of "evolution" here I am back to being butch. A butch who prefers male pronouns, but nonetheless butch.

I realize that pronouns carry differing amounts of importance for different people. It is important to me that people respect my preference here. I don't mean to suggest that additional identifiers are useless for others, but to describe myself they don't offer additional information. I don't know of any way to quantify the difference between a female-identified butch and a male-identified butch. What's the difference between a butch who identifies as a woman and one who does not. There are qualitative differences to be sure, but I don't know where to start with defining those.

All of this is to say that I think we often are stuck on this "evolution" of butch (with no similar evolution for femme) and do place value on undergoing this evolution. In the end, change identities because they better describe you, but not because you're supposed to. Evolution does not lead to better, only different.