[Nat]

1. How do you identify?

I identify as a bigender femme lesbian

2a. What is your preferred pronoun (when referencing yourself)?

she - but it's a very mild preference

2b. Do you feel like your preferred pronoun fits you perfectly?

no

2c. Did you have another or other preferred pronouns in the past?

no, except maybe a total non-preference. I've thought about what it would feel like to have others. If there were a common gender-neutral pronoun, I would perhaps one day prefer it when it felt less awkward

3a. Does your preferred pronoun vary depending on setting?

nope

3b. If so, can you please explain why and how?

n/a

4. How important is it to you that people use your preferred pronoun?

not terribly important. it would be more an issue of confusion to me than anything else if somebody referred to me as something other than "she"

5a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "he," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel?

I think it would depend on the context, and I think I would possibly wonder about the motivation. If it was an attempt to honor my gender experience, I'd think it was neat. If it was an attempt to dismiss me as a woman or as a femme, I would possibly be upset.

5b. How do/would you react?

I don't know if I would.

6a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "she," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel?

N/A

6b. How do/would you react?

N/A

7a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "hy," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel?

Same as I would for "he"

7b. How do/would you react?

I don't know

8a. If somebody refers to you by the pronoun, "zie," and this is not your preferred pronoun, how do/would you feel?

possibly good, if I could figure out I was the person being referred to

8b. How do/would you react?

I probably wouldn't

9a. When speaking of a specific butch, do you strive to ensure you are using that person's preferred pronoun?

Yes

9b. If not, why not?

Though I currently answer yes, there were times in the past when I did use different defaults.

When I used "she" it was when I was new to the community and I thought "she" was the only option.

When I used "he" it was because the self-identified butches I knew indicated that they preferred it and also that they felt misrepresented and upset about being called "she"

When I used "hy" it was because a few people presented it to me as the "compromise" between "he" and "she" and as a "butch pronoun."

Then there was a time that I just tried to switch it up each time I posted something. In most of these cases, I was talking in the hypothetical - not about a specific butch with a known pronoun. Also I think it's been about 3 years since I've done this regarding a known butch unless it was total accident.

9c. If not, what do you see as the possible effects for that butch and others in the community?

I don't think I have a clear picture of all the possible ramifications, but I think it is erasing and offensive to most people to have the wrong pronoun applied to them, and it's also erasing and offensive to those who would share that ID, to their partners and allies. Depending on which pronoun it is, it also may create a cultural myth that there are more people who use that pronoun than there actually are. It may create false expectations and increase pressure to conform to a pronoun or gender representation that does not fit. It may also have ramifications outside of the community, as it may perpetuate or play into stereotypes within the straight or greater LGBTQ community.

10a. Do you associate different traits with different butch pronouns?

no.

10b. Do you feel that different pronouns clue you in about how a butch may look, think, feel, dress, act, talk, walk, fuck, bond?

no. I think there was a time when I thought maybe there were differences discernable from the outside, but my own *ahem* research has shown no correlation at all whatsoever between pronoun and any of these things.

10c. Do you associate different ideologies, alliances or belief systems with different butch pronouns?

I do tend to imagine butches who use "she" as their pronoun are more likely to be pro-woman and I feel a greater sense of comfort and comradery in discussing issues affecting women with those who are more comfortable with the "she" pronoun. This is probably fucked up of me and worth exploring further.

11a. If you are referring to a butch, and you have not had the opportunity to find out what that person's preferred pronoun is, do you use a default pronoun?

I have found myself not referring to butches in the third person very much these days, but I do tend to use a default pronoun on occasion and in absence of real data

11b. If so, which pronoun do you use and why?

"she" in the absence of real knowledge or opportunity to ask

11c. If not, what do you do instead?

I do find myself just trying to avoid butch pronouns altogether more often these days. Sometimes I have written "s/he" or "she/he/hy/zie."

11d. Would you advocate a community-wide standard in this case? If so, what would it be and why?

I am trending toward "she" in this regard because my current understanding is that there are more butches that prefer "she" and also because I am understanding more clearly that the dash site's culture (in which my queerness was birthed) tended toward "he" even though butches who used "he" were not in the majority there either. I would say that the standard should be NO DEFAULT EVER but there are times that you don't know and you can't ask.

12a. If you are referring to a hypothetical butch, do you use a default pronoun?

I think my answers to 12 are going to be the same as 11.

12b. If so, which pronoun do you use and why?

12c. If not, what do you do instead?

12d. Would you advocate a community-wide standard in this case? If so, what would it be and why?

13a. Do you tend to partner with butches who use a certain pronoun more often than others?

"Partner with" would be stretching it - I have only "partnered with" one butch and he went by "he." My current relationship is not with a person who is butch-identified.

However, if I look at the flings and encounters I had earlier in my out life (when I'm afraid I was a bit like a kid in a candy shop), of the self-identified butches and a few self-identified "bois", I think the number was pretty even between "she" and "he" - with one "hy."

13b. If so, what pronoun?

N/A

13c. If so, can you share your thoughts about why this may be?

pronouns have not been high on my list of reasons to date a person

14a. Are there times when you have been corrected for using an incorrect pronoun for a butch?

yes. I remember the first time was Juney and she said something like, "not every butch is a "he"" when I used the term "he" regarding a hypothetical situation with a butch.

I think Toughy said something to me before too, but I can't remember if she was directly correcting me or if she was correcting somebody else and I stuck my nose into it.

And Medusa long ago said something about my use of the term "boi" - I think.

And Metro long ago was very patient with me and helped me to better understand how cavalier I was being regarding this stuff.

There have probably been more times - these are just the ones that spring to mind. I think it has taken a long time for me to get to the point where I feel capable of handling the complexity that exists. For me, it's very complex for my brain to work out. For a long time I was just looking for the "right" pronoun - the one that would keep me from offending the least people or getting jumped on.

14b. If so, how did you feel about it and how did it influence you?

I have felt very appreciative toward the people who were kind to me or whom I observed being kind to others when correcting an incorrect pronoun. I have felt like those who treated me or others in a hostile way regarding pronoun use have contributed to a hostile environment and contributed to my own feelings of alienation. But I think everybody who has sought to correct me or others has influenced me in the long run to try to do better.

15. Do you have any other thoughts regarding the use of butch pronouns?

not really

16. If you could add a question to this questionaire, what would it be?

I've got nothing, but it's late.