And here's something else.
No one is *attacking* femmes
No one is putting *more burden* on femmes to remember something
Personally, I see this behavior MORE from femmes than I do butches. Other butches have stated the same thing. Some femmes have stated the same thing.
In a previous post, I mentioned a party and FIB who kept referring to MIB butches as 'she'. The FIB butch was constantly referred to as 'he'. When she stated it was disrespectful to FIBs to use 'he', and that it didn't create a 'welcoming' atmosphere for FIBs, she was told not to come back...that the party was indeed 'welcoming' to all. Another FIB was told the same thing when she complained about it. Subsequent FIB butches who brought up the same thing were also not 'welcomed' back, and they were in fact, mocked for saying it wasn't welcoming to FIBs. So, FIBs are expected to conform or be excommunicated from the group? NOT ONLY are they expected to be mindful of MIB's pronouns, they're also expected to accept being he'd. If they don't conform, they're not welcome to return?
And yet, somehow, we're being told 'femmes are being punished more than butches who 'screw up'...really? Because butches who don't comply aren't welcome in the (so called) 'community'.
I've watched for many years as new butches who started as she end up becoming he...because they know if they don't comply, they'll be ousted from the group.
Saying anything about this issue brings either a 'sigh and a shrug with a giggle and a whatever', or a 'don't come back'.
And to be 100% clear, I, personally, am NOT talking about honest mistakes. I, personally, am talking about PURPOSEFUL, INTENTIONAL misassignment of pronouns. I have a feeling that's what other butches are talking about also. If someone new 'she's' me, I'm likely to correct them, and move on. If they continue to do it, we're gonna have some words. If they switch up my pronoun depending on what conversation they're having, because they either do or don't want to be outed, or whatever other lame excuse they come up with, we're not going to be speaking anymore.
Dylan
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